View source for The Things We Do for Arben

So there they were, hangin' out in a cave full of piles of gold (trapped) and piles of feces (not technically trapped, but made up of feces). [[Zombres]] conjured up some hellhounds and sent them ahead, but they didn't come back . . . undaunted (i.e., slightly daunted)the Danger Gang, with new best pals [[Gwynn]] and [[Diogenes]], presses on. They find themselves in a similarly gilded-and-shitty room, but this time with transparent snakes falling from the ceiling and writhing about the floor, as well as the slowly disappearing corpses of said hellhounds. The snakes seem pretty unfazed by the presence of everybody but Diogenes (they may not have noses, but they can still smell)--Kolya picks him up out of fangs' way, and they continue to seek Tethra's dad.

Oh, it's probably this guy: gibbering madly, covered in filth, chained in the entrance to a passageway. He has a grotesquely large head, and several spiky, long whiskers jutting from his chin. Just in case it's this simple, [[Gershom]] walks up to try to pluck one of the hairs and gets his hand bitten off for his trouble! A more cautious approach is obviously warranted. [[Kolya]] throws Sharur at his huge head and apparently knocks him out. The old man remains unconscious while [[Tulpe]] has a go, failing to gain the whisker they need. Diogenes also tries his hand . . . and gets his bitten off too! His ''other'' hand, howevs, proudly clutches the incredibly foul-smelling hair. Like, poisonously foul-smelling. Gershom attempts to slow the poison, but with the wackiness of a one-handed spellcaster ends up speeding it up. Best to hightail it out of there, [[Gwynn]] dragging [[Diogenes]].

Back in the Sidhe's banquet hall, they wave the gross bit of beard in front of [[Arben]]'s fairy-food-full self, and he commences to barf a truly epic barf (hopefully the Tuatha have Stainmaster?). Apparently Tethra's dad is just an example of what happens to really old Fomorians, and there are a bunch of 'em chained up there. Which on the one hand seems cruel, but on the other, the party's clerics no longer ''have'' other hands, so it's probably for the best.

Meanwhile, Zombres inquires about Fionn mac Cumhaill for whatever reason (that guy, always asking people about other people) (oh, it's prolly cause he ate of the salmon of wisdom and so might know something about the rest of Lia Fail), and is told Fionn disappeared and came back as someone else: that is, King Mangan mac Fiacha Lugh or however you spell it. Gaels, man.

Returning to their usual plain, the DG attempts to rest up and is instead attacked by a nuckalavee, which beats several them to a pulp before the tables are turned. Two-handed-cleric-less and hurtin', the party returns to [[Chrysopolis]]. [[Gwynn]] and Diogenes get the grand tour from [[Eorl]], who shows them the foolishness beans can wreak (Diogenes promised Jesus he will only ever eat a nourishing but flatulence-producing bean paste). With the help of a magic bowl, Gershom gets his hand back . . . Diogenes has to wait his turn. But he's a holy fool, so he kinda likes it.

Next stop: Scotland!