Difference between revisions of "Diogenes' Log"
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Entry 4 | Entry 4 | ||
− | After talking to that idiot we went into this crazy cave there were a lot of holes in the ground and heads shoot up through them to bite you. | + | After talking to that idiot we went into this crazy cave there were a lot of holes in the ground and heads shoot up through them to bite you. Gwynn punched through a couple of heads too with the help of this crazy sword, but then fell down while jumping. What an idiot. I busted a couple up myself. Exploding heads for Jesus! All these heads got me thinking. Once when Jesus visited me he was complaining to me about how the only help he could get in the early days was from idiots. This John guy, for example, couldn’t count. In apokalupsis he rambles and rambles about all of these important numbers but he doesn’t get them right at all. The seven headed sea beast he makes such a big deal about didn’t even have seven heads—it had eight heads. Lord knows how many horns were on it—he just didn’t tell me because he wasn’t trying to communicate information, just to blow off some steam. At least, that’s what I thought at first. But, punching through this head reminded me of that time, and now it strikes me that Eorl, the divine guide and leader of the Danger Gang, is really worried about these octopus folk, and octopi live in the sea and have 8 feet. I wouldn’t be surprised if that idiot john couldn’t tell a foot from a head—that would make sense of the whole 10 horn thing—why would there not be a horn on each head? Well, because they’re not heads! I’m going to have to start to re-read revelation in case Jesus comes to tell me more about that book. It could be important. |
Entry 5. | Entry 5. | ||
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The DG kindly tries to disarm these dolts when a skinless half-man half scorpion comes out. Zombres tells everyone that this might be one of the champions of the scorpions, so I try to do the only sensible thing and start reading the names of god that we know at him. But, I can’t read Hebrew, so I sit down to call Jesus and ask for some help. I figured that he could read Hebrew through my eyeballs and then just tell me what to say. I must have come close to summoning his holy presence because Horsrick, having divined somehow that I, as a member of the holy three, am the greatest threat to the demons he worships among these travelers, hits me with a club that paralyzed me. It’s a shame, too, because as I’m lying down Jesus comes. He was (rightfully) kind of pissed that I couldn’t hold out until he got there. He said he’d even have told me which the right name was if the DG had it written down. Let me tell you, I felt terrible. Still, he’s a really nice guy. He says that while he’s there he might as well give me a little more power, but just a little since I was such a failure in this case and that I need to learn how to use what I’ve got a little better lest I screw things up when he awakens my full abilities. After this he beat a hasty retreat, telling me he’s got more important things to do than catch up. He does indicate, as he’s leaving, that he knows that I know about Eorl, and that for the time being I should leave well enough alone on that front. He’ll tell me when he wants me to make a move. | The DG kindly tries to disarm these dolts when a skinless half-man half scorpion comes out. Zombres tells everyone that this might be one of the champions of the scorpions, so I try to do the only sensible thing and start reading the names of god that we know at him. But, I can’t read Hebrew, so I sit down to call Jesus and ask for some help. I figured that he could read Hebrew through my eyeballs and then just tell me what to say. I must have come close to summoning his holy presence because Horsrick, having divined somehow that I, as a member of the holy three, am the greatest threat to the demons he worships among these travelers, hits me with a club that paralyzed me. It’s a shame, too, because as I’m lying down Jesus comes. He was (rightfully) kind of pissed that I couldn’t hold out until he got there. He said he’d even have told me which the right name was if the DG had it written down. Let me tell you, I felt terrible. Still, he’s a really nice guy. He says that while he’s there he might as well give me a little more power, but just a little since I was such a failure in this case and that I need to learn how to use what I’ve got a little better lest I screw things up when he awakens my full abilities. After this he beat a hasty retreat, telling me he’s got more important things to do than catch up. He does indicate, as he’s leaving, that he knows that I know about Eorl, and that for the time being I should leave well enough alone on that front. He’ll tell me when he wants me to make a move. | ||
− | The DG then subdued the rest of the dolts and knocked the head off of this scorpion that they’re worshiping. | + | The DG then subdued the rest of the dolts and knocked the head off of this scorpion that they’re worshiping. Gwynn, out of the kindness of his heart, tries to pick up the paralyzing club for me—knowing that I will only bludgeon the enemies of God. But, he falls over sideways, turns purple, and starts foaming at the mouth. In light of this the DG decides to take us all back to beantown to heal up. Though I feel better, I feel badly about breaking up the party. It was kind of them to help Gywn. I’d be heartbroken if that goofball left me. |
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+ | Entry 7 | ||
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+ | I died today. Let me try to explain. | ||
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+ | Zombres was turned to stone. He tried to soften himself up but was dropped from the air and ran away from spiders. Then our peach friend spoke with him, and he left the hag statue for his old body. We went back to fight the dragon. I had made 11 beans of healing. I ate eight. We teleport in and fight some basilisks, I'm getting better at hitting them. We then move forward and become engulfed in a noxious gas. This is where I died. I awoke afterward. Arben had resurrected Zombres and myself, and Horsrick was tied up. We were outside of the cave. In the intervening time some important things happened, and I was commanded to write them down. Here is the best I can come up with. | ||
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+ | A vision: | ||
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+ | I am standing or floating or something. I'm not really aware of my body and how it is situated, but Jesus is in front of me. He is kind, but serious. He is never kind and never fully serious. This gets my attention, which is good because he immediately tells me that I have to pay attention. He is going to tell me some very important things, and that the world may depend on my actually understanding them rather than just putting them together in funny ways. I tell him that I will try, and he says that he knows I will, he just hopes I can rise to the occasion. | ||
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+ | He then tells me that things are gravely serious--graver than he had thought.  He would not have killed me in order to speak to me, but it is serious enough to require it--and death provides opportunity for visions that sleep does not.  Also, my loyalty with the bean paste has  given me enough bodily fortitude that I will suffer no real damage.  He then tells me to think he died and came back. He says that Lazarus did too. It's important to remember that he, Lazarus and I all came back. I'm not sure why it's important, but something about having come back. At this point I realize that I'm dead, that is why I don't really understand my body. It's broken and not where I am. | ||
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+ | Then Jesus steps aside and says 'BEHOLD' in a oddly high pitched voice, and a great vision appears.  Before me there was an ascending weblike structure.  It's hard to describe, but I'll try.  There was a clear ascent from the bottom to the top, but each part somehow wrapped around and was connected to other parts.  I will try to explain, give me time.  At the bottom of this ladder was clearly gold, shiny and dumb.  Then above it was silver, then copper, bronze, and gems throughout. A bunch of rocks were above that (I tried to grab some pumice for our friend but jesus smacked my hand), and then dirt at the very top.  I like dirt! From this dirt grew every plant I've ever seen, and then a lot of plants that I hadn't seen.  The roots of these plants went all the way down to the bottom (that's why I call it a web--see each  thing extended to every other part) and were holding all of the rocks together.  They grew more quickly that roots grow. They were in a state of constant motion--growing here and then retracting. There was so much movement. It is really difficult to convey just how much motion there was in this thing. The roots were incredibly thin by the time they got to the gold, though.  These plants were not like ordinary plants in other ways, too.  Their leaves and branches extended far higher than other plants.  There was a lot of mushrooms all over the bottom,covering the dirt.  It was beautiful.  Lichen with the most powerful smells and colors more vibrant than anything that's ever come out of my body.  These things would grown and died and grow again over and over. Some of the plants grew taller than others.  Trees would extend up and  their branches would make a canopy that formed a sort of second floor for a bunch of animals to walk in.  But, I mean, don't get me wrong. They made this canopy but kept growing up too, there were some branches above this too. The tallest and heartiest of these plants by far was the mighty beanstalk (Jesus called it yagdrazil), which extended all the way to the bottom and to the top. It was a constant and strong presence through all of the parts of the web.  So, I hope you get the idea when i say ascending.  It's a web because different parts sort of touch and tie into and stabilize all the other parts, but it's not a spiders web.  It doesn't have a center that goes out like a circle; it just goes up and up and up, or down and down and down. It goes in all kinds of ways. It also goes out sideways more than my eye could take in, but not really? I really hope I'm doing this well enough.  Anyway, I think all of the animals living on the tree canopy had lungs, or maybe gills?  I'm not sure.  The way they were divided seemed to follow from their method of locomotion.   The stationary things were all clinging to the tree tops. Mollosks and coral and sponges were hanging out with ants. Again, there was a lot of death and rebirth here. All of the walkers and crawlers were there, lobsters were hanging out with roaches.  But the birds and the sharks were at the same level--because fish really just fly through the ocean.  | ||
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+ | Okay, so we're not at the top, but I want to stop to talk about the humans. Human's were really unique. All of the other parts of the web was just sort of sitting there, being themselves. If it grew, it was growing. If it ate other things, it was eating them. Humans, though, humans did not pay attention to themselves very much. They were looking at the other pats of the web. For the most part each human was fixated on just one part of the chain. Â They would till the dirt at the top of the rocks, or stare at the gold at the bottom (a lot of people did this), or they would fly with the fish and swim with the birds, or whatever that stuff up there was. Â There were no crowns (or hats of any sort) among the humans, and what was really beautiful--no humans stared at other humans. Â All humans stared at other things, and they seemed far happier looking at other things than they in the world where they stare at kings all the time and imagine themselves wearing stupid shiny hats made out of stuff at the bottom of this web. Â They were just playing a lot. They got along with all the sharks and plants and rocks. Some would sit right next to the beanstalk and repeat words to themselves, and some would just sit there with their eyes closed. For every 10,000 or so of these a leaf would grow and take them higher up the beanstalk. They didn't get very much higher, the leaf would spill them back out. These people would then go act really crazy--they mostly didn't pay attention to themselves or anything else. I couldn't really understand it. | ||
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+ | Anyway, above the humans and animals and fish it was really difficult to see because it was a little bright, and my attention is not what it should be. Â There were giants balls with eyes and wings, and there was a flaming sword and some huge trumpets, and there were dragons too, several of them. There were some giants also. Â Jesus had a chair at the very top of the beanstalk--it said "JESUS' CHAIR, HAVE A SEAT IF I'M NOT IN IT--IT IS THE GREATEST CHAIR AND SHOULD BE PUT TO GOOD USE ALL OF THE TIME." Â He said it was empty because he was talking to me, but that he actually never sits in it. Â Most other things in the web were too shy, and he was sad about that. He's never been able to get anyone but humans to treat him with neither massive contempt nor massive respect. No one would share his chair, except once in a while when someone sits in it and thinks they can stay there forever. He had a really good friend who did that once, and I think his voice cracked when he said that. Jesus said that he thinks sitting is kind of boring and, when he's not trying to keep the web in order (he's like a gardener) he likes to just go play around in parts of the web. Â His favorite thing to do is talk to humans, because they're the only other part of the chain that looks at things other than themselves, and he said that that is what he does. Â He said that that's why humans can love. Â I don't know much about that, but he said it. Â I wrote it, okay! Â It's there, don't ask me questions. | ||
+ | Â | ||
+ | After a while he asks me what I see. Â I describe things, trying to pay attention to numbers, and I am getting sort of confused, because that beanstalk is getting in everywhere, so I can't just say there's a gold bottom and on top of that are these metals and these rocks. He tells me that my eyes are closed and that I must open them. Â I look again, and i tell him that I am sorry but I do not understand. Â He sighs and says "answer like a child" and so i say--I see a huge ascending web of all beings. Â That, he tells me, is right. Â The trick is, he says, it's just one thing. There are parts, but not really. There is a lot of motion, but all of the motion is relating to all of the other motion. | ||
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+ | Afterward, with a heavy sigh, he snaps his fingers. The sound that happens is basically indescribable. It was powerful and sad. Then, I see creatures coming from all sides of the web. Each tries to take a bit out and separate it from the others. I can't see these things very well, they're very dark. Whenever they get a bit of a thing off by itself it gets really dim. They scatter all of the parts, destroying none, but taking them out of the whole and making a big mess of a bunch of little things. Some of them talk to humans and the humans stop acting nice. They'll make hats for themselves, or yell at other people to build them armor, or build giant empty houses to sit in. They stop looking at anything but themselves, and if they do see anything they try to make it worse off than it is, and than they are, so that they are above it. | ||
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+ | These, he tells me, are the forces of the octopus--the octopus are chaos. Lawfulness and order, when it is static, is just as chaotic as the lack of order. They're the same. I tell him that I know that, and he says that he knows that I know--that that is why we're friends, but that it is good to repeat it. Parmenides knew it too, after all, but he said it in such a confusing way that no one understood. It's a hard thing to say, and he tells me that I might be able to say it, but that I shouldn't worry if I don't and what comes out is just confusing. These things are hard to put into words--they're hard to put into images--you just have to "know" them. I told him I didn't understand that, and he smiled. He said that the danger that the gang are fighting is really these creatures--and that they're stronger than they have been in a very long time. It will be hard, in the future, but that I can't give up hope. That is what he wanted to show me, so that I would know what was at stake. He told me not to worry about the Dragon (that is what killed me). He gave Kolya a great big kiss right after he took the life from my body and that that kiss would make sure he was able to wallop whatever he tried to wallop. I asked about Gwynn, and he told me to have more trust, that he wouldn't let real harm come to my friend. He said that I should stick around with the danger gang as long as it's there. Even if i see some other thing that I want to do, I shouldn't do it. | ||
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+ | Then he snaps again and the vision goes away, and i'm just there, face to face with Jesus. He tells me that it's time to go. He says that he has two requests. First, I ought to write with great detail about the ascending web of things. If he is able to keep things in order past these 8 months he has plans for a german man to read it. If he does read it he'll be able to do some wonderful things with monads (I don't know, i'm just repeating) that will help restore the correct belief to some of the christians around. Then, he asks that, upon returning to my body, I give my three remaining beans to Zombres. These beans will not heal him, just sate him. One would sate him, but three is a holy number, it will have a better effect, and he needs it in his soul, not just his body. He knows that I feel bad too, but Zombres died (what????) and also just got his body back from that hag, and his soul is feeling weak in addition to his body. He knows I can take this pain because I live a life of suffering and enjoy it. I am used to learning lessons, but Jesus hasn't taught Zombres much, but had to teach him a hard lesson today and had to use harsher methods than is his wont he tells me--but time is running out. He feels pity for Zombres, nevertheless, hence the beans. Zombres, he tells me, has a very good soul, and that names are important. I ought not be as hard on him as I am in my mind. | ||
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+ | There are two things that Zombres does not realize, I'm told. The first is the true difference between chance and chaos. Chance is a good and necessary chaos, it keeps an ever changing world in balance and order. Order isn't static. People just talk about good and evil, and law and chaos. They don't understand that there is good chaos-- they just chance or "luck" if it helps them. But it always helps something, just sometimes not them. They forget their place. People like groups of four anyway, so it's not worth trying to fix. I ask him if he's talking about Heraclitus and rivers of fire. He laughs really really hard at this--exactly, he says. Heraclitus understood the difference between chance and chaos and that's why he rolled his body in shit when he died. He says that he and I might get along. It's nice to see a smile after all of this somber talk. So one neither can nor ought to combat chance, while one can combat chaos. Then he starts saying all of this weird stuff. If someone attempts to overcome chance, then a wheel turns more quickly because some lady gets interested, he says. The thing is, that interest can be good or bad, and she doesn't care. She doesn't have malice or good will in her, just a wheel and a smile. I'm not fully clear on this stuff, but I don't think it was as important as the stuff from earlier. My attention is flagging anyway, I just died. Give me a break. | ||
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+ | Anyway, Jesus wanted Zombres to embrace chance more than he does. Arben learned this lesson well. That is one of the reasons that he and Zombres don't always see eye to eye, but why they make a good pairing in this group that Jesus curated. He then gets a little wistful and tells me about an old friend from China, lousy long ear, i think? Lousy was at a court library a lot when he used to chat with Jesus. They talked about the place of chance in life. One day, when Lousy understood he decided that he needed to get out of the library, but the guards wouldn't let him go. So, he promised the guards to write down everything he learned and give it to them. He then wrote down this stuff about chance and order and the world and gave it to them and left. It was a smart move, but had unfortunate consequences, because a lot of people in china misused that book. But it helped others. Anyway, Jesus doesn't trust people (especially chinese people) as much as he used to because of that, and so he has to teach lessons differently. So, it's a sad story, and I'm really not sure why he's telling me all this. I am hoping it doesn't cloud out my mind. He seems to feel really bad about Zombres. I knew he was compassionate, but this seems a bit extreme. Anyway, that is not as important. The other lesson, he says, is more important, but it's also harder to teach. | ||
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+ | The thing is, the octopus friends force are agents of chaos--the taking apart the web chaos, and not the firry river chance stuff. The thing is, in order to combat these people, if you don't have faith, then you must think like these people. But to think like them is to bring chaos into your own mind. This is what they want. They want you to increase the chaotic forces in the world. The only way around this is to embrace chance and have faith. Faith grounded in hope and pursuing love. This is the ONLY way to effectively stop chaos. Everything else plays straight into its hand. He tells me that this is what I will bring to the Danger Gang. | ||
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+ | So, he says, Zombres might not want to eat the beans, but to try to get him too. He says that it was nice to see me, but that he has to go. He has a lot to attend to in other places, and that he might not visit again for a while. He wishes me luck and we hug. I don't think we've ever hugged before, and as we hug i realize i have a body. Then I woke up. | ||
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+ | That is as good as I can do. I hope it is good enough. I don't always write things down well. My head gets so confused with all of the learning and the thoughts and the other things in it, that nothing wants to stay down in one place. | ||
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+ | Entry 8. | ||
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+ | So this is what it is like to be resurrected. I’m now a lot closer to Jesus than I was before, having been dead. I never know that resurrection took so much out of you—no wonder Jesus decided to do his work in a less localized way after the whole roman murder thing. I never drank much myself but I can imagine that this is what those who talk about overindulging mean about the consequences. Even if its true that I have suffered no significant harm, I feel awful. Still, after seeing the way the entire world fits together like that, I feel different. Something is changed. I can’t put my tongue on it right now, but if I get the words right for the taste then I’ll put them down here. | ||
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+ | The rest of the Danger Gang are back in Drachenfels. I’d be worried, but after what I saw last night, I’m pretty sure we’re being looked after. While they’re away I thought I’d do a few things. Jesus said he wouldn’t be back so I can’t really wait on him for directions as much as I have been. There are a few things I’d like to accomplish. | ||
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+ | Zombres ate the beans and said that he felt better. I doubt these beans will do much for his weak constitution, but they must be good for something. Jesus doesn’t tell me to do things for no reason except when it’s a joke, and I’m sure he wasn’t joking last night. I tried asking Zombres about how he felt, if he could feel any effects. He looked so weary but tried to humor me for a while. Jesus was right, that guy is okay. I decided to just let him rest. I also called Eorl over while I was too busted up to sit up and asked him if he knew of anyone who had a voice as horrible as my smell or his visage. He seemed a little miffed but when I coughed his face was overcome by pity and he said he’d look into it. It’s a shame I can’t tell him who he is]. I should have asked Jesus about that, but I was trying so hard to pay attention. That’s the problem with paying attention, you can’t always think when you do it. We’ll see if Eorl knows of anyone; he seems to know a lot of people. In the meantime I asked him if he could have someone in the town read revelations to me while I mend. When a friend came to do this I asked that he take note of all of the numbers, as I was straining just to make a few words. He did, so now I have a nice handy list. This will, no doubt, be useful. | ||
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+ | I’d also like to find a way to get a message to my pop in Constantinpole. He might know Basil II. The evils of the church are growing and consolidating, but I may still be able to save the poor of the city some grief if I can convince the leadership there not to place trust in the Russians. They’re bad news. I’m not sure how I could tell them this, though. I was kicked out of both places, so they have some things in common. I’d also like to let my father know that I forgive him, and that I’m doing well with the lord’s work. I hope that I am no longer causing him grief. I wish that I knew how to talk across distances, then I’d just ask Sir Useless to do it while he’s delivering that paste. | ||
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+ | Until then, though, I’m going to continue my botany work. The bean plants here grow very quickly. I was able to get a few of the plants in the forest to produce extremely nutritious beans, but it took years of work because I’d have to wait for them to germinate and grown and all that nonsense. With these I might be able to get some significant progress in a far shorter interval. While I’m at it, I’ll also make as many servings of beanpaste as I can. I can make little boats out of the leaves from the plant. Being back in this area reminds me of when I was younger. I used to look out to those islands in the water where the Bosphorus opens up and wonder how the locals there got off. I doubt I’ll get to meet them, but if I put enough of these in the river a few might make it there. Otherwise, they’ll probably get somewhere. There are poor and wretched souls everywhere that could benefit from this paste. Maybe some great city will receive one of my boats and a genius there will reverse engineer the paste and start feeding the poor with it. I’ll probably just do this until the DG get back with their dumb gold. It’s a shame that those dark guys Jesus showed me the ears of so many humans. I know that we have to get gold because people that we need to help us will only help us if we give them this stupid rock that they want, but it’s absurd. I’m much happier when I can work with the plants and living things and help people directly than when I am chasing rocks with the DG. I know that there is a greater good that this is all working toward, but it is so easy to get lost in great goods. Small goods that you can touch and see are more pleasant. The work pays back immediately. It would be nice not to be so important. We're trying to stop the end of the world. I know that the numbers 8 and 40 not in that book, and if I multiply them I get 320. I think that I will make 320 beanpaste boats and place them in the river. If that number is in the real world, and it is not in the end of the world, then the end of the world and the real world must be different. |
Latest revision as of 13:19, 10 February 2012
Diogenes’ Log:
Various bits of a text that has come to be known as Diogenes’ Log have been found across the old world. It appears as though the author would take portions and bury them at random throughout his journeys. The reason for this is unclear, as is most of what his concerns are. The longest continuous portion of text can be found below. It has been dated to sometime around May of 989, as the events described within fit with the period that began what historians like to call the “Bean Episode of Constantinople.â€
Entry 1.
We are back in the strange bean-filled town across the Bosphorus from home. While sleeping last night Jesus came to me once more. He informed me that when I awoke I would have greater powers. As I was about to tell him that I needed no such gift, he told me not to contradict him—that I would soon need these gifts and more gifts. He’s Jesus and I’m not, he said, so I should shut my indolent mouth. He then made a request—in exchange for these powers I was to make enough bean paste to feed 150 of the poor back home for 1 month’s time. He told me that these numbers were very important, and that I had to get them just right—and then he left, or I woke up. I’m not sure which. Whenever he comes I feel so disoriented afterward. He’s always fixating on numbers. I’ll bet he talked to Parmenides a lot. Why else would someone be as obsessed with numbers as that guy. Crazy that he could talk to people before he was born and not just afterward.
Entry 2.
The Danger gang are occupying themselves with a dragon, the entire town in fact. I can only think this dragon was Jesus sent to give me an opportunity to transform beans into paste uninterrupted. Jesus must have something serious in mind with these numbers if he’s getting evil dragons to help. He doesn’t want me to get distracted and loose count. People say he works in mysterious ways, but that’s nonsense. They just don’t want to admit that sometimes good can come from an evil dragon.
Speaking of the great good that comes from great ill, I have been wondering if I ought to inform Eorl that he is one of the holy three. When I first left home and sat in that tree for a decade, back when Jesus would come every night just to tell me stories, he let me know that I was one of the holy three who he wanted to help save the world. I was told to keep an eye out for the other two. I would know them by their holy appearance and their holy sound, and when the power of a awful smell, sight, and sound were combined a great deal of good would occur. This is, of course, why I must make sure to eat enough bean-paste every day. What if the terrible sounding one has a hoarse throat? They’d have to recognize me by my holy stench. Eorl has obviously been touched by the holy sight, but why has he not said anything of it? He couldn’t possibly fail to recognize me, even if I did eat some of my clothing before we got here this past time. Has Jesus not told him? Does he want to hide these things from the Danger Gang? I would like an opportunity to speak with him about matters. Well, it looks like the DG are going off on some foolish adventure—good. This will give me the time I need to make this paste. I’ll try to chat with Eorl about this before they get back.
Entry 3
Alas, there was no time to pull Eorl away. He’s pretty frantic, concentrating on a lot of things. He keeps counting gold, though—numbers again. A clear sign that he’s in league with Jesus. He sent us to some German dragon-cave to get a little more gold. The numbers just aren’t right yet.
Outside this cave there was some peasant woman tied to a stake as Dragon bait. We set her free and then she started yammering about old ways, dragon sacrifices, logs, etc. Here’s what gets me. She called us Jews as though that were some awful thing, but she worships Jesus and hates the idea of going back to the old ways. But Jesus was a Jew. All of this “new ways†bullshit is just other people lying about what he said to idiots so that they can make a buck. So basically she worships the thing she hates. And hates the thing she tries to worship. What an idiot. How on earth can we have a Christian world when there are so many idiots and so much avarice? For the life of me I don’t know why these Danger Gang folks listen to all these idiots instead of just asking Jesus to tell them what’s up at night. If that holy mother Eorl hadn’t told us that this trip to the oracle was a good idea I might up and leave to go seek the other holy one.
Entry 4
After talking to that idiot we went into this crazy cave there were a lot of holes in the ground and heads shoot up through them to bite you. Gwynn punched through a couple of heads too with the help of this crazy sword, but then fell down while jumping. What an idiot. I busted a couple up myself. Exploding heads for Jesus! All these heads got me thinking. Once when Jesus visited me he was complaining to me about how the only help he could get in the early days was from idiots. This John guy, for example, couldn’t count. In apokalupsis he rambles and rambles about all of these important numbers but he doesn’t get them right at all. The seven headed sea beast he makes such a big deal about didn’t even have seven heads—it had eight heads. Lord knows how many horns were on it—he just didn’t tell me because he wasn’t trying to communicate information, just to blow off some steam. At least, that’s what I thought at first. But, punching through this head reminded me of that time, and now it strikes me that Eorl, the divine guide and leader of the Danger Gang, is really worried about these octopus folk, and octopi live in the sea and have 8 feet. I wouldn’t be surprised if that idiot john couldn’t tell a foot from a head—that would make sense of the whole 10 horn thing—why would there not be a horn on each head? Well, because they’re not heads! I’m going to have to start to re-read revelation in case Jesus comes to tell me more about that book. It could be important.
Entry 5.
Well, Arben made a very reasonable suggestion. Let’s all heal ourselves and come back. Arben seems to be an eminently reasonable fellow. When he’s hungry he eats, when a person asks for something he gives it to them. Still, the DG for some reason followed Zombres’ more reckless suggestion—let’s just keep going because maybe we can surprise these folks. What folly. And the entire danger gang follows the folly just because they don’t want to be seen as shying away from danger. No good can come from it. Only Arben speaks the truth. At least they let me look at the alter at the front of this cave. There were two candles on it. I don’t remember it terribly clearly right now, but I know that there are two prophets in revelations who are two lampposts and two olive trees at the same time. I’ve never eaten a glowing olive, but I’ll bet these guys are trying to make revelation happen. There are probably things that breathe fire inside. We're about to go inside.
Entry 6
WOW! That was nuts!! So, Zombres’ idea was far more foolish than I’d thought. He changed shape into a half-man half-dragon and pretended to be far more pretentious than he actually is—a feat, I know! We walked into a room with 11 losers who were standing around singing about how much they love their mother. I had to stay toward the back lest my smell turn them against us. These guys are sick. Jesus was a man, god is a father. You don’t worship a mom. It’s totally inverted.
Anyway, Zombres begins chatting with the leader—a guy named Horsrick—and they get into a member measuring contest. Since Zombres hasn’t a member in his present form Horsrick was certainly going to win—but Arben, once again, saved the day. His quick wits and vast knowledge enabled him to supply information enough to Zombres that Horsrick figured he was on the down and down. He even did it with an appropriate degree of supplication. This man can swallow his pride in a single gulp. A real selfless, stand up guy. How many times has he saved us?
So, having appropriately impressed these do-badders, Marcella was permitted goes to look at the table they’re all singing around. It’s the cacoon of a half scorpion thing. That self-proclaimed dragon worshipers would be worshiping this clearly ‘non-dragon’ thing is absurd. They’re just as bad as that Jew-hating Jesus worshiper that they had tied up out front. I just do not understand how so many people can live such inconsistent lives. The danger gang appears to be are miffed by inconsistency as I am because they decide to chaos these guys. They’re alright by me.
The DG kindly tries to disarm these dolts when a skinless half-man half scorpion comes out. Zombres tells everyone that this might be one of the champions of the scorpions, so I try to do the only sensible thing and start reading the names of god that we know at him. But, I can’t read Hebrew, so I sit down to call Jesus and ask for some help. I figured that he could read Hebrew through my eyeballs and then just tell me what to say. I must have come close to summoning his holy presence because Horsrick, having divined somehow that I, as a member of the holy three, am the greatest threat to the demons he worships among these travelers, hits me with a club that paralyzed me. It’s a shame, too, because as I’m lying down Jesus comes. He was (rightfully) kind of pissed that I couldn’t hold out until he got there. He said he’d even have told me which the right name was if the DG had it written down. Let me tell you, I felt terrible. Still, he’s a really nice guy. He says that while he’s there he might as well give me a little more power, but just a little since I was such a failure in this case and that I need to learn how to use what I’ve got a little better lest I screw things up when he awakens my full abilities. After this he beat a hasty retreat, telling me he’s got more important things to do than catch up. He does indicate, as he’s leaving, that he knows that I know about Eorl, and that for the time being I should leave well enough alone on that front. He’ll tell me when he wants me to make a move.
The DG then subdued the rest of the dolts and knocked the head off of this scorpion that they’re worshiping. Gwynn, out of the kindness of his heart, tries to pick up the paralyzing club for me—knowing that I will only bludgeon the enemies of God. But, he falls over sideways, turns purple, and starts foaming at the mouth. In light of this the DG decides to take us all back to beantown to heal up. Though I feel better, I feel badly about breaking up the party. It was kind of them to help Gywn. I’d be heartbroken if that goofball left me.
Entry 7
I died today. Let me try to explain.
Zombres was turned to stone. He tried to soften himself up but was dropped from the air and ran away from spiders. Then our peach friend spoke with him, and he left the hag statue for his old body. We went back to fight the dragon. I had made 11 beans of healing. I ate eight. We teleport in and fight some basilisks, I'm getting better at hitting them. We then move forward and become engulfed in a noxious gas. This is where I died. I awoke afterward. Arben had resurrected Zombres and myself, and Horsrick was tied up. We were outside of the cave. In the intervening time some important things happened, and I was commanded to write them down. Here is the best I can come up with.
A vision:
I am standing or floating or something. I'm not really aware of my body and how it is situated, but Jesus is in front of me. He is kind, but serious. He is never kind and never fully serious. This gets my attention, which is good because he immediately tells me that I have to pay attention. He is going to tell me some very important things, and that the world may depend on my actually understanding them rather than just putting them together in funny ways. I tell him that I will try, and he says that he knows I will, he just hopes I can rise to the occasion.
He then tells me that things are gravely serious--graver than he had thought.  He would not have killed me in order to speak to me, but it is serious enough to require it--and death provides opportunity for visions that sleep does not.  Also, my loyalty with the bean paste has  given me enough bodily fortitude that I will suffer no real damage.  He then tells me to think he died and came back. He says that Lazarus did too. It's important to remember that he, Lazarus and I all came back. I'm not sure why it's important, but something about having come back. At this point I realize that I'm dead, that is why I don't really understand my body. It's broken and not where I am.
Then Jesus steps aside and says 'BEHOLD' in a oddly high pitched voice, and a great vision appears.  Before me there was an ascending weblike structure.  It's hard to describe, but I'll try.  There was a clear ascent from the bottom to the top, but each part somehow wrapped around and was connected to other parts.  I will try to explain, give me time.  At the bottom of this ladder was clearly gold, shiny and dumb.  Then above it was silver, then copper, bronze, and gems throughout. A bunch of rocks were above that (I tried to grab some pumice for our friend but jesus smacked my hand), and then dirt at the very top.  I like dirt! From this dirt grew every plant I've ever seen, and then a lot of plants that I hadn't seen.  The roots of these plants went all the way down to the bottom (that's why I call it a web--see each  thing extended to every other part) and were holding all of the rocks together.  They grew more quickly that roots grow. They were in a state of constant motion--growing here and then retracting. There was so much movement. It is really difficult to convey just how much motion there was in this thing. The roots were incredibly thin by the time they got to the gold, though.  These plants were not like ordinary plants in other ways, too.  Their leaves and branches extended far higher than other plants.  There was a lot of mushrooms all over the bottom,covering the dirt.  It was beautiful.  Lichen with the most powerful smells and colors more vibrant than anything that's ever come out of my body.  These things would grown and died and grow again over and over. Some of the plants grew taller than others.  Trees would extend up and  their branches would make a canopy that formed a sort of second floor for a bunch of animals to walk in.  But, I mean, don't get me wrong. They made this canopy but kept growing up too, there were some branches above this too. The tallest and heartiest of these plants by far was the mighty beanstalk (Jesus called it yagdrazil), which extended all the way to the bottom and to the top. It was a constant and strong presence through all of the parts of the web.  So, I hope you get the idea when i say ascending.  It's a web because different parts sort of touch and tie into and stabilize all the other parts, but it's not a spiders web.  It doesn't have a center that goes out like a circle; it just goes up and up and up, or down and down and down. It goes in all kinds of ways. It also goes out sideways more than my eye could take in, but not really? I really hope I'm doing this well enough.  Anyway, I think all of the animals living on the tree canopy had lungs, or maybe gills?  I'm not sure.  The way they were divided seemed to follow from their method of locomotion.   The stationary things were all clinging to the tree tops. Mollosks and coral and sponges were hanging out with ants. Again, there was a lot of death and rebirth here. All of the walkers and crawlers were there, lobsters were hanging out with roaches.  But the birds and the sharks were at the same level--because fish really just fly through the ocean. Â
Okay, so we're not at the top, but I want to stop to talk about the humans. Human's were really unique. All of the other parts of the web was just sort of sitting there, being themselves. If it grew, it was growing. If it ate other things, it was eating them. Humans, though, humans did not pay attention to themselves very much. They were looking at the other pats of the web. For the most part each human was fixated on just one part of the chain. Â They would till the dirt at the top of the rocks, or stare at the gold at the bottom (a lot of people did this), or they would fly with the fish and swim with the birds, or whatever that stuff up there was. Â There were no crowns (or hats of any sort) among the humans, and what was really beautiful--no humans stared at other humans. Â All humans stared at other things, and they seemed far happier looking at other things than they in the world where they stare at kings all the time and imagine themselves wearing stupid shiny hats made out of stuff at the bottom of this web. Â They were just playing a lot. They got along with all the sharks and plants and rocks. Some would sit right next to the beanstalk and repeat words to themselves, and some would just sit there with their eyes closed. For every 10,000 or so of these a leaf would grow and take them higher up the beanstalk. They didn't get very much higher, the leaf would spill them back out. These people would then go act really crazy--they mostly didn't pay attention to themselves or anything else. I couldn't really understand it.
Anyway, above the humans and animals and fish it was really difficult to see because it was a little bright, and my attention is not what it should be. Â There were giants balls with eyes and wings, and there was a flaming sword and some huge trumpets, and there were dragons too, several of them. There were some giants also. Â Jesus had a chair at the very top of the beanstalk--it said "JESUS' CHAIR, HAVE A SEAT IF I'M NOT IN IT--IT IS THE GREATEST CHAIR AND SHOULD BE PUT TO GOOD USE ALL OF THE TIME." Â He said it was empty because he was talking to me, but that he actually never sits in it. Â Most other things in the web were too shy, and he was sad about that. He's never been able to get anyone but humans to treat him with neither massive contempt nor massive respect. No one would share his chair, except once in a while when someone sits in it and thinks they can stay there forever. He had a really good friend who did that once, and I think his voice cracked when he said that. Jesus said that he thinks sitting is kind of boring and, when he's not trying to keep the web in order (he's like a gardener) he likes to just go play around in parts of the web. Â His favorite thing to do is talk to humans, because they're the only other part of the chain that looks at things other than themselves, and he said that that is what he does. Â He said that that's why humans can love. Â I don't know much about that, but he said it. Â I wrote it, okay! Â It's there, don't ask me questions. Â After a while he asks me what I see. Â I describe things, trying to pay attention to numbers, and I am getting sort of confused, because that beanstalk is getting in everywhere, so I can't just say there's a gold bottom and on top of that are these metals and these rocks. He tells me that my eyes are closed and that I must open them. Â I look again, and i tell him that I am sorry but I do not understand. Â He sighs and says "answer like a child" and so i say--I see a huge ascending web of all beings. Â That, he tells me, is right. Â The trick is, he says, it's just one thing. There are parts, but not really. There is a lot of motion, but all of the motion is relating to all of the other motion.
Afterward, with a heavy sigh, he snaps his fingers. The sound that happens is basically indescribable. It was powerful and sad. Then, I see creatures coming from all sides of the web. Each tries to take a bit out and separate it from the others. I can't see these things very well, they're very dark. Whenever they get a bit of a thing off by itself it gets really dim. They scatter all of the parts, destroying none, but taking them out of the whole and making a big mess of a bunch of little things. Some of them talk to humans and the humans stop acting nice. They'll make hats for themselves, or yell at other people to build them armor, or build giant empty houses to sit in. They stop looking at anything but themselves, and if they do see anything they try to make it worse off than it is, and than they are, so that they are above it.
These, he tells me, are the forces of the octopus--the octopus are chaos. Lawfulness and order, when it is static, is just as chaotic as the lack of order. They're the same. I tell him that I know that, and he says that he knows that I know--that that is why we're friends, but that it is good to repeat it. Parmenides knew it too, after all, but he said it in such a confusing way that no one understood. It's a hard thing to say, and he tells me that I might be able to say it, but that I shouldn't worry if I don't and what comes out is just confusing. These things are hard to put into words--they're hard to put into images--you just have to "know" them. I told him I didn't understand that, and he smiled. He said that the danger that the gang are fighting is really these creatures--and that they're stronger than they have been in a very long time. It will be hard, in the future, but that I can't give up hope. That is what he wanted to show me, so that I would know what was at stake. He told me not to worry about the Dragon (that is what killed me). He gave Kolya a great big kiss right after he took the life from my body and that that kiss would make sure he was able to wallop whatever he tried to wallop. I asked about Gwynn, and he told me to have more trust, that he wouldn't let real harm come to my friend. He said that I should stick around with the danger gang as long as it's there. Even if i see some other thing that I want to do, I shouldn't do it.
Then he snaps again and the vision goes away, and i'm just there, face to face with Jesus. He tells me that it's time to go. He says that he has two requests. First, I ought to write with great detail about the ascending web of things. If he is able to keep things in order past these 8 months he has plans for a german man to read it. If he does read it he'll be able to do some wonderful things with monads (I don't know, i'm just repeating) that will help restore the correct belief to some of the christians around. Then, he asks that, upon returning to my body, I give my three remaining beans to Zombres. These beans will not heal him, just sate him. One would sate him, but three is a holy number, it will have a better effect, and he needs it in his soul, not just his body. He knows that I feel bad too, but Zombres died (what????) and also just got his body back from that hag, and his soul is feeling weak in addition to his body. He knows I can take this pain because I live a life of suffering and enjoy it. I am used to learning lessons, but Jesus hasn't taught Zombres much, but had to teach him a hard lesson today and had to use harsher methods than is his wont he tells me--but time is running out. He feels pity for Zombres, nevertheless, hence the beans. Zombres, he tells me, has a very good soul, and that names are important. I ought not be as hard on him as I am in my mind.
There are two things that Zombres does not realize, I'm told. The first is the true difference between chance and chaos. Chance is a good and necessary chaos, it keeps an ever changing world in balance and order. Order isn't static. People just talk about good and evil, and law and chaos. They don't understand that there is good chaos-- they just chance or "luck" if it helps them. But it always helps something, just sometimes not them. They forget their place. People like groups of four anyway, so it's not worth trying to fix. I ask him if he's talking about Heraclitus and rivers of fire. He laughs really really hard at this--exactly, he says. Heraclitus understood the difference between chance and chaos and that's why he rolled his body in shit when he died. He says that he and I might get along. It's nice to see a smile after all of this somber talk. So one neither can nor ought to combat chance, while one can combat chaos. Then he starts saying all of this weird stuff. If someone attempts to overcome chance, then a wheel turns more quickly because some lady gets interested, he says. The thing is, that interest can be good or bad, and she doesn't care. She doesn't have malice or good will in her, just a wheel and a smile. I'm not fully clear on this stuff, but I don't think it was as important as the stuff from earlier. My attention is flagging anyway, I just died. Give me a break.
Anyway, Jesus wanted Zombres to embrace chance more than he does. Arben learned this lesson well. That is one of the reasons that he and Zombres don't always see eye to eye, but why they make a good pairing in this group that Jesus curated. He then gets a little wistful and tells me about an old friend from China, lousy long ear, i think? Lousy was at a court library a lot when he used to chat with Jesus. They talked about the place of chance in life. One day, when Lousy understood he decided that he needed to get out of the library, but the guards wouldn't let him go. So, he promised the guards to write down everything he learned and give it to them. He then wrote down this stuff about chance and order and the world and gave it to them and left. It was a smart move, but had unfortunate consequences, because a lot of people in china misused that book. But it helped others. Anyway, Jesus doesn't trust people (especially chinese people) as much as he used to because of that, and so he has to teach lessons differently. So, it's a sad story, and I'm really not sure why he's telling me all this. I am hoping it doesn't cloud out my mind. He seems to feel really bad about Zombres. I knew he was compassionate, but this seems a bit extreme. Anyway, that is not as important. The other lesson, he says, is more important, but it's also harder to teach.
The thing is, the octopus friends force are agents of chaos--the taking apart the web chaos, and not the firry river chance stuff. The thing is, in order to combat these people, if you don't have faith, then you must think like these people. But to think like them is to bring chaos into your own mind. This is what they want. They want you to increase the chaotic forces in the world. The only way around this is to embrace chance and have faith. Faith grounded in hope and pursuing love. This is the ONLY way to effectively stop chaos. Everything else plays straight into its hand. He tells me that this is what I will bring to the Danger Gang.
So, he says, Zombres might not want to eat the beans, but to try to get him too. He says that it was nice to see me, but that he has to go. He has a lot to attend to in other places, and that he might not visit again for a while. He wishes me luck and we hug. I don't think we've ever hugged before, and as we hug i realize i have a body. Then I woke up.
That is as good as I can do. I hope it is good enough. I don't always write things down well. My head gets so confused with all of the learning and the thoughts and the other things in it, that nothing wants to stay down in one place.
Entry 8.
So this is what it is like to be resurrected. I’m now a lot closer to Jesus than I was before, having been dead. I never know that resurrection took so much out of you—no wonder Jesus decided to do his work in a less localized way after the whole roman murder thing. I never drank much myself but I can imagine that this is what those who talk about overindulging mean about the consequences. Even if its true that I have suffered no significant harm, I feel awful. Still, after seeing the way the entire world fits together like that, I feel different. Something is changed. I can’t put my tongue on it right now, but if I get the words right for the taste then I’ll put them down here.
The rest of the Danger Gang are back in Drachenfels. I’d be worried, but after what I saw last night, I’m pretty sure we’re being looked after. While they’re away I thought I’d do a few things. Jesus said he wouldn’t be back so I can’t really wait on him for directions as much as I have been. There are a few things I’d like to accomplish.
Zombres ate the beans and said that he felt better. I doubt these beans will do much for his weak constitution, but they must be good for something. Jesus doesn’t tell me to do things for no reason except when it’s a joke, and I’m sure he wasn’t joking last night. I tried asking Zombres about how he felt, if he could feel any effects. He looked so weary but tried to humor me for a while. Jesus was right, that guy is okay. I decided to just let him rest. I also called Eorl over while I was too busted up to sit up and asked him if he knew of anyone who had a voice as horrible as my smell or his visage. He seemed a little miffed but when I coughed his face was overcome by pity and he said he’d look into it. It’s a shame I can’t tell him who he is]. I should have asked Jesus about that, but I was trying so hard to pay attention. That’s the problem with paying attention, you can’t always think when you do it. We’ll see if Eorl knows of anyone; he seems to know a lot of people. In the meantime I asked him if he could have someone in the town read revelations to me while I mend. When a friend came to do this I asked that he take note of all of the numbers, as I was straining just to make a few words. He did, so now I have a nice handy list. This will, no doubt, be useful.
I’d also like to find a way to get a message to my pop in Constantinpole. He might know Basil II. The evils of the church are growing and consolidating, but I may still be able to save the poor of the city some grief if I can convince the leadership there not to place trust in the Russians. They’re bad news. I’m not sure how I could tell them this, though. I was kicked out of both places, so they have some things in common. I’d also like to let my father know that I forgive him, and that I’m doing well with the lord’s work. I hope that I am no longer causing him grief. I wish that I knew how to talk across distances, then I’d just ask Sir Useless to do it while he’s delivering that paste.
Until then, though, I’m going to continue my botany work. The bean plants here grow very quickly. I was able to get a few of the plants in the forest to produce extremely nutritious beans, but it took years of work because I’d have to wait for them to germinate and grown and all that nonsense. With these I might be able to get some significant progress in a far shorter interval. While I’m at it, I’ll also make as many servings of beanpaste as I can. I can make little boats out of the leaves from the plant. Being back in this area reminds me of when I was younger. I used to look out to those islands in the water where the Bosphorus opens up and wonder how the locals there got off. I doubt I’ll get to meet them, but if I put enough of these in the river a few might make it there. Otherwise, they’ll probably get somewhere. There are poor and wretched souls everywhere that could benefit from this paste. Maybe some great city will receive one of my boats and a genius there will reverse engineer the paste and start feeding the poor with it. I’ll probably just do this until the DG get back with their dumb gold. It’s a shame that those dark guys Jesus showed me the ears of so many humans. I know that we have to get gold because people that we need to help us will only help us if we give them this stupid rock that they want, but it’s absurd. I’m much happier when I can work with the plants and living things and help people directly than when I am chasing rocks with the DG. I know that there is a greater good that this is all working toward, but it is so easy to get lost in great goods. Small goods that you can touch and see are more pleasant. The work pays back immediately. It would be nice not to be so important. We're trying to stop the end of the world. I know that the numbers 8 and 40 not in that book, and if I multiply them I get 320. I think that I will make 320 beanpaste boats and place them in the river. If that number is in the real world, and it is not in the end of the world, then the end of the world and the real world must be different.