Difference between revisions of "The Chronicles of Heloise"

Latest revision as of 23:31, 19 February 2007

Two years ago, I traveled to Poland and as many others have before me, I toured the famous fortress of Malbork, once the seat of the Teutonic knights. While perusing some of the material on display I came across the mention of the heretical writings of a tenth century nun who claimed to be the Duchess of Malbork (in fact, she was probably the youngest daughter of a merchant who live in the area, given over to the nunnery in her youth). Fascinated, I searched for more information in the libraries of Danzig, Warsaw, Krakow, Kiev, and Rome. The search was complicated by the infamous Heloise of Heloise and Abelard. At long last, I tracked down a folio containing parts of the Chronicle of Heloise in the royal library at Helsinki. Various medievalists I have spoken to have generally agreed that the Chronicle of Heloise is either the writings of a deranged nun, or, more likely, a work of fiction written by monks for their own entertainment. Considering the improbability of the chronicle, at the begining of my search those seemed the most reasonable prepositions, however, since then, events have occurred which have convinced me otherwise. In additon, I have entered into a prolonged correspondence with Dr. Carol Fetov of Miskatonic University, which has opened my eyes to certain unholy possibilities I hope never to witness.

The Chronicle of Heloise, Duchess of Malbork
Being an account of a certain party of adventurers, both in the perilous lands west of the settlement of Vineland, and in the wilds of the more familiar kingdoms; and of the strange people and beasts we encountered; and how we dealt with them; and how we fared thereby.

September 5 in the 986th year of our Lord

On this day we came at last to the cliffs we had passed through before with great peril. The giant "bear without ears" whom Pip tamed and I named Misiu awaited us at the foot. The magical skill of Gregoria by this time had expanded to include the art of levitation, and once she had done certain acts and incantations (which I must suppose are not from Satan derived, for they aided me, a woman of the Lord) she lifted us up to the top of the cliff by turns. Once on top, we espied that there was no easy way down, and proceeded north. Most of us rode on Misiu, while Innocence was carried by Harold. This was not overly difficult as the levitation magic still affected us. In this manner we left only beast and deer tracks (for Harold possess magical boots which leave deer, and not man, tracks). At nightfall we reached a river, and made camp a mile from its banks. The night passed without event.

September 6 in the 986th year of our Lord

Xanex the heathen priest, and I, your most humble record-keeper, healed the wounded in the morning. We crossed the river without event. At evening we met the road we had followed earlier, and pressed on (though Xanex, Gregoria, and I, your most humble record-keeper, slept atop of Misiu so that we might perform our respective miracles and artificial magic when next the sun rose. After we had gone on the road for some time, Pip found the blaze we had left earlier, and we left the road following the blazed trail and dug up the gold we had buried.

September 7 in the 986th year of our Lord

At dawn we came to the settlement of Vineland, and sighted ships in the harbor. Are Snorsen greeted us outside of the palisade, an in an apparent slip of the tongue referred to Mengloth as "The Oryako" which is what the tailed heathens not worthy of the name "men" called her. Fearing that he might be with the enemy we forthwith bound him and interrogated him. Harold threatened him that just as we can with the aid of the "Gods" (but as we know there is one God only, in the inexplicable miracle of the Holy Trinity of Three in One, in addition to the Most Holy Mother who often chooses to intercede on the behalf of mere mortals) heal wounds miraculously, so can we cause harm, and exaggerated in general the fearfulness of our powers. Upon hearing this, Are confessed that the tailed heathens had taken over Vinland and were holding his wife hostage, under the condition that he turn us, and Princess Mengloth, over to him. He said there were about fifty of the tailed devils in the settlement.

We were most hard pressed about what to do next. Pip, with her usual enthusiasm regarding this issue, suggested that we slaughter all of the tailed devils forthwith. While in principle I agreed with this, I, and the other, were not certain that our little party could best 50 devils, especially if they had their evil priests with them. In the end we decided to rest until nightfall, so that our magical and miraculous powers could be restored.

At nightfall Xanex consulted his heathen oracle, and learned that the ships are most likely sabotaged. Pip, Harold, Innocence, Gregoria, Orm, Xanex and Thorazine snuck off to investigate the ships. They were indeed all sabotaged. All that was left was to fight the tailed demons. Gregoria caused those proficient in shooting bows and arrows to levitate above the palisade, and they shot the guards on the wall. In addition, Harold caused many of them to sleep using his artificial magic. Soon all those on top of the palisade were killed, and ground melee commenced.

Those who had gone ahead were most hard presses, and called the rest of us out of the forest. Try as we might we could not convince the giant Misiu to fight with us. His mighty claws would have done much damage, but he feared the battle and hid in the woods until it was done. With the aid of the Lord and the Most Holy Mother, I managed to put some of the enemy into a thrall so that they did not move, nor utter a word. When the Lord would no longer grant me miracles, I used that strange club to crack the skulls of the tailed demons, and also uttered the word "TREYG" which is written upon the club. Immediately about a dozen of them ran away. After a time I used the magic word again, and it seems that by then the club had recharged.

All fought valiantly, using what powers they had as best the could, and we won the day, killing in total 47 of the tailed devils. One last tailed devil remained in the compound, and the Vinlanders, seeing victory was on our side, slaughtered him without mercy. Pip and Innocence then walked around and with great glee bashed in the skulls of all those in the enchanted sleep and held in thrall, lest they should wake and pester us once more.

The Vinlanders were most grateful, and learned us that there was one more ship which had been hidden inside the compound. That night all prepared to leave the settlement on the morrow. None wished to remain in the accursed place, nor did we.

September 8 in the 986th year of our Lord

The Vinlanders carried the last ship onto the shore, and we sailed forth at dawn. We held off killing one of the enemy who had been in thrall and took him prisoner. Harold and Innocence intend to learn of the abominable language of the tailed ones. At evening we arrived in Greenland.

September 9 in the 986th year of our Lord

In light of our heroic actions in Vinland, and by the Glory of the Lord, we were acquitted of the crimes we had earlier been unjustly accused of by the Elders of Greenland. The Greenlanders gave us a ship that we might sail to Iceland, and some of the men from the settlement of Vineland volunteered to be our crew. At noon we sailed forth.

September 10 in the 986th year of our Lord

During the voyage, Innocence and Harold employed various means to persuade the tailed prisoner to teach them his language. At noon we arrived in Iceland.

September 11 in the 986th year of our Lord

We recovered from our wounds and reveled in the port tavern, eating well, and for a change at a board instead of on the ground. With the store of gold we had acquired in our adventures, we were able to purchase armor and weapons, as needed. Additionally, Gregoria bought a one-eyed pigeon (in memory of the deceased Hvdm) and Pip a war-dog, whom she has not yet named.

September 12-16 in the 986th year of our Lord

We sailed to Sweden. Harold continued interrogating the prisoner, whose name, we learn, is Pree. Pip commenced training her war dog, whom she named Stormbringer, for his mottled grey coloring, which is akin to a thundercloud. Harold attempted to endear himself to the Princess Mengloth, with some minor success.

September 17 in the 986th year of our Lord

This day we reached the river Ume. It is cold for summer, and pine forests grown thickly on either bank.

September 18 - 21 in the 986th year of our Lord

We travel up river.

September 22 in the 986th year of our Lord

This day a horrible sight was before our eyes as we arrived at King Kjaraval's shore. The heads of Mengeloth's two brothers were impaled upon spikes on the river bank. Leaving Orm, Mengloth, Innocence, and Thorazine on the ship, the rest of our party landed, and asked a stranger what happened. This is the tale he told us: In his madness King Kjoreval had forgotten to make the proper sacrifices to appease the local dragon. Soon thereafter he died, and his Brother, Kjallak came to claim the throne. Though Kjallak was the older brother, he had forsaken the throne for his wife, Aud, was Christian, and converted him. The people, who are still, alas, following the idol Thor, would not have him for a king while he was Christian, and he chose his faith over kingship (a noble choice and one that would have surely earned him a place in the Kingdom of Heaven, were it not for his later actions and subsequent betrayal of the True Faith). Once his wife died, his faith proved weak, and he returned to the old idolaters' ways, married a new wife, named Midikki, and came to take the throne. Kjorevals' sons did not take kindly to this and rebelled against him. They were killed, and amnesty granted to all those who had been involved on their side.

Once we told Orm of this news he went to talk to the new king, his father, himself. Soon he returned and invited us to the castle. There a feast was held to honor Mengloth's and Orm's return, and those who had brought it about (namely the party of adventurers with whom I, your humble record-keeper, have come to associate with). We told the feasters of our adventures, and many drank much, and there was much joy and singing, and save for the part where all were chanting the name of the idol Thor, I too, was merry, and I was there, and I wet my lips in the mead (I would say my mustache, as is the traditional form of expression for this event, but being of the gentle sex, I have none) and drank of it, but did not entirely abandon moderation. The new King gave a long speech thanking us for the return of Mengloth and presented us with a white ancestral dagger, which upon investigation, proved not to be magic for ill nor for good.

September 23 in the 986th year of our Lord

We learned on this day that the King means to treat with the Dwarves and the Yotans, who are both an abomination to God. The name of the Dragon who ravaged the hamlet is Gunlag. There was in the village wandering a Druid (who the Roman sources tell us practice human sacrifice, feeding the blood of their maidens to the Oaks). This Druid is named Cedrix, as far as I can make out the name, and he asked to join our party. While I disapprove vehemently of his Heathen ways, it is clear that Mary is giving me this chance to convert this most vile of Pagans to the True Path, and so I did not object to him coming on the quest to kill the Dragon. And do not think, you who reads this, that I merely accepted him so there would be one more body to absorb the blows of the monsters and perhaps one more hand to slay them, for if I was thinking that at all, I took it out from my head immediately and thought not upon it but instead upon God's challenge to me.

Meanwhile the idiot Droolmouth (who is nonetheless a good man) has chosen to leave the adventuring life, and has instead bought some land on which he means to settle down.

September 24 in the 986th year of our Lord

On this day we set off early at Dawn, and Thorazine and Xanex did not come with us, for they imbibed to heavily the previous evening and their heads were swollen with it still, and in pain. In this way we see how God punishes those who indulge in earthly pleasures. In the evening we reached the Mountain, which is Mt.Kebne or Kebnekize called. This mountain was a long time ago one of those volcanoes which shoot forth the hot molten innards of the earth, and men never know the coming of the disaster. I have seen one mountain like that in my pilgrim's travels, it was at Pompei. But that one too no longer breather fire and lay sleeping in wait to kill again, much like the dragon we are after.

And so we came upon a large hole in the ground, within Yotan dung most smelly piled up. We lowered Celdrix (I had not heard the "l" in that strange Druid name before) into the hole and a monstrous eyeball stuck at him. Then we quickly pulled him out, and then put him in again to see if it was still there, and so it was, and we pulled him out again and shot at the thing, and lowered him down again, and it was there still and we pulled him up, and shot at the monster some more, but it was hard to see in the hole. Then Gregoria the Mage cast her magic upon herself and levitated down into the hole while we lowered a light beside her. The monster came at her and she shot magic missiles at it, and flew away. Then the monster went away for good, it seemed. She then lowered Pip and Harold into the dung hole, and they went a little past the hole and were immediately beset by the monster. It was good that they went first for they are the strongest fighters, or at least, they kill the most things. And so as with other things, they slew the monster. Then all the rest of us went down, lowered by Gregoria.

The dung hole opens up to a dungeon, we discovered. In one of the rooms we found an 8 foot scorpion, and with clever tricks we set it on fire, but it did not react at all, so it seems it was already dead. But many littler scorpions, 2 feet each, ran out from under it. We killed all but three of them, which ran away. In another room we found a strange metal hemisphere covered with a large cloth, shaped kind of like a cloak, but too big for any of us to wear. We explored some other rooms as well. Then we were beset by 20 skeletons and re-killed them all, but were grievously injured ourselves. We returned to the room where the scorpions had been and killed and set watch for the night.

September 25 in the 986th year of our Lord

In the morning I, your most humble servant, and the freakish tree worshipper who nevertheless appears to be blessed, healed the members of our party. While we were exploring today, a giant flat monster dropped atop of me and nearly killed me, but for the Grace of Mary, and the killing skill of the members of my party. We discovered a giant room that contains something that sounds large and slithery, but we did not see the beast. With God's assistance, we found a secret door out of that room that leads to a corridor that leads to room with a good clear fountain in it. But there is a strange invisible barrier that only lets those not carrying weapons through. We then returned to the scorpion room, and were on the way ambushed by a foul beast that was eight feet tall and had the face of a bug (surely a thing of Satan, and not of God) and with Mary on our side, we killed it.

September 26 in the 986th year of our Lord

On this day not much happened. With Mary's aid we healed the wounded, and then returned to town.

September 27, in the 986th year of our Lord

The King questioned us about our adventures, and we told him the parts that were fit for his ears. Innocence has decided to leave the adventuring life, as she is sick of the constant risk of Death. Though I am but a humble scribe, it seems to me that she should change her name to "Experience".

Whilst we were in the Meadhall telling tales and drinking mead (which I touch only in moderation, it being against my vows to the Most Holy Virgin to endanger my maidenhead, and it seems to me that drinking leads to fornication. Though I am not a very comely woman, nor young enough to catch most men's attention, drinks clouds the sight) a Dwarf approached us and stating he wanted to kill the Dragon and plunder its Horde of Treasure asked to join us in our adventuring. Pip challenged him to a wrastling match so that he might prove he is strong enough. He refused to fight her claiming that he does not fight with women, but it seems to me that he saw her bulging muscles (stronger and larger than most men's) and confident gaze, and used that merely as an excuse, knowing he could not best her. So Thorazine wrastled him instead, and the little deformed creature won, much to my amazement. Henceforth he won Pip's respect and she would not have him spoken ill of merely on account of his deformity and small stature. And thus the dwarf named Helgi came to join our party.

September 28 in the 986th year of our Lord

We returned to the dungeon, once again entering via the detestable latrine of the far more detestable Yotans. On this day we returned to the giant room where we heard the huge slithering shape, and it was like a giant lizard with many legs, and we fought it and killed it. It seems this beast is most hot within while 'tis alive (it melted Pip's sword when she thrust it within it), but begins to cool immediately after death. Though victory was ours, it was not without price, and many were sorely injured.

We explored the dungeon further, and came upon a room that was made of shiny, reflective rock, and within was a six legged creature made of the same rock. We left it in piece as it looked fierce, and disinclined to leave its abode.

Further on we found a room where projections like the butt-ends of snakes stuck out of the walls, floor, and ceiling, and cast strange shadows, which after a time began to move on their own, independent of their casters, and attacked us! Then Pip and the Dwarf Helgi covered up the light source (the Dwarf standing atop of Pip's shoulders and holding a cloak) and the shadows disappeared. We found two gold treasure bits among some bones, and took them with us, for as all know, the dead cannot take their riches with them, so it is no crime for the living to profit by them. Bravely (and in my thinking also a bit foolishly) Pip and Helgi uncovered the light again, and we killed all of the shadow snakes, but it was a fierce fight.

Worn out from a hard day of adventuring and monster slaying, we decided to rest in the scorpion room, but our plans were in vain, for a wolverine was there, and we were forced to kill it. As many foul beasts, it stunk more in death than it did in life, and so we returned to the room with the fountain and the invisible wall, and rested there, taking watches to make sure no one (or thing) stole our weapons while we slept.

Transcriber's note: Here the chronicles become illegible. Many pages are missing, the handwriting is near indecipherable where passages can be made out among the mold, water marks, burns, and crumbling pages. In addition many pages appear to be missing. After months of searching for more documents left behind by the nun Heloise, I was finally granted access to the Miskatonic University's precious medieval archives and found several more folios describing her adventures. I will transcribe them here as time permits.

November 21, in the 986th year of our Lord

We found the dragon was all along much closer than we had suspected. He dwelt directly below us in his foul lair. We flew down on the wondrous wooden dragonfly and fought the evil creature we had come to slay. It breathed cold on us, and in the first breath, Hilare was slain. Helgi fought valiantly, but he too, perished. At last we vanquished the creature, and then we rested. We plundered its horde, finding much money and jewels as well as some potions of healing. Then we chopped off the dragons head, and carried it, and the bodies of our dead comrades back to the town.

November 22 to the 27th, in the 986th year of our Lord

When we returned to the town with the dragon's head the people were disbelieving. But at last we rested and there was much celebration. I however felt heart-weary and disinclined to indulge in pleasures. Ever since we killed the dragon and drank those mysterious potions I have come to realize that life is much bleaker than I thought it was before. Though Mary is still with me, I see now what the Holy Book means when it tells us that the world is an evil place full of wickedness and happiness may be found only with the Lord, after we die. Several days after returning to town we spoke to the dead dragon's head, and it told us that King Kjallag had made a deal with him to kill the previous king. It was as we had suspected, things were amiss. But we decided to go south for the winter, and to hopefully find more traces of the mysterious Iwulf, so as to learn more clues about the evil octopus creatures and how we may prevent them from bringing on the Armageddon. We sailed forth. One night Harold stole a lifeboat and stole away with many of our valuable magic items. We should have never trusted that devilish magician. Several days later Xanex decided to leave us as well, and he went to be the minister of a town of heathen Norsemen.

November 28 to December 11, in the 986th year of our Lord

As we sailed south in the direction of Denmark several of the men Gregoria and I had hired approach me asking if they could join us in "adventuring". I warned them mightily about the dangers they face, and showed them the scars on my arm, but they were not phased and wanted to join us nonetheless. Upon conferring with Gregoria we decided to take them on, for we are but two women, and while we can hold our own in battle, strong arms and foolishly brave hearts are always needed. The men who asked to join us are Jean-Claude, the scrawny ship's cook who seems overeager to learn forbidden knowledge, though he does profess faith in the one true God, (I suspect he will follow the same path of artificial magicking as Gregoria), a Jew or some other kind of savage who calls himself Great Dog (he said he is an Arab, but I think he is merely ashamed to admit to being a Jew), and a man named Thorion who is merely one of the local heathens. The last two are sailors, but say they are not unused to battle.

December 12, in the 986th year of our Lord

We came to shore in Denmark. In the port town we re-stock our supplies, and found two restless people looking for employ. They agreed to join us and be paid in whatever their share of treasure we find will be instead of usual mercenary wages. One of them is a burly German man by the name of Gunther who comes from a noble family. The other is a woman from Scotland who has a way with animals. She is called Larium. I consulted with Jean-Claude if he knew aught of libraries hereabout, and he told me of the library at Eix La Chapel on the Rhine. We sail there on the morrow.

December 13 to the 30th, in the 986th year of our Lord

We sailed south. For Christmas we stopped and observed the proper solemnities. I will not speak of them in detail here, as I am sure that all who read this will have observed similar solemnities in their time, as the ritual and traditon are eternal and never change. On the 30th of December we came at last to Eix La Chapel. When we tried to gain access to the Library the monk refused to allow us to come in saying that a woman such as myself brings sin and seduction. I found him most offensive and when later by happenchance a thief killed him, I am afraid I was not as contrite in my heart as I should have been. It is as my teacher told me and as Mary has confirmed in my visions, the current church is corrupt and like a whore of babylon, and full of sin. Instead of admitting its sin and doing penance, it blames all of its sinfulness on women. Someday Mary will come down from the heavens and then they will see how wrong they were. Meanwhile, I must sometimes use less than noble means in order to save the world from the coming doom of the Ocotopoada. For this reason I did not mind when Jean-Cluade whispered some kind of incantation and it made the monk all of the sudden very friendly and accomodating. The library was founded by Gregory, who hid all of Charamange's books about Iwulf in the catacombs. There are three routes in the catacombs, said the monk, and two lead to certain death, while one leads to knowledge, and then death. There is a stone in the floor that lifts up and through it one may enter the catacombs.

We searched the main library for histories of Alexander the Great in hopes of finding some mentions of Igwulf. One book mentions that Alexander was killed by Drolzna, and also that he was tutored by a woman named Iggul, which is a common alteration of Igwulf in these parts.

It became obvious that the main library would not help us, and we would have to search for the forbidden tomes on Igwulf in the catacombs. We left the library, and made a plan to return at night and enter the catacombs stealthily. When we returned to our ship a short, deformed woman with what could only be the stubble of a beard, was waiting for us at our ship. She introduced herself as "Guer", a security expert. She wished to join us, mostly due to lust for treasure and stupidity, I gather.

At night fall we returned the monestary, taking our new security expert with us. With her magic, Gregoria caused Guer to go up into the air to the hight of the outer walls of the library. While she did this, I caused the area around a warning bell next to which a guardian monk stood to be enshrouded in an impenetrable silence. In the silence, Guer took care of the monk in her own way, and then climbed down the wall and opened the door to the library for us. We crossed the outer courtyard and entered the library proper. Within, a monk screamed. I tried to hold him in place with the power of my prayer, but was not successful, and Guer silenced him in her own way, though not before he had made a commotion. Quickly we located the moving stone, and decended into the catacombs. Though many monks had been roused by the screams of the slaughtered librarian, they did not follow, assuming foolishly that we would die within the catacombs.

A ladder went down a very long way, and a mist nearly impenetrable hung in the air. At last we came to a circular room, thrity feet in diameter, in which there were theree sarcaphogi and three enterences. Over one entrance was inscribed the word "Pater", another "Phillus" another "Spiritus Sanctus". For the elucidation of heathen readers of my chronicle I will now explain the meaning. The first word is Father, the second Son and the third, The Holy Spirit. Together they form The Holy Trinity. The sarcaphogi were stone and plain, but on each was the image of a person. Two contained rotten fabric and bones, and one a body completely undecayed, though the clothing in which it was arrayed was rotten. I prayed to Mary, and she told me to take the "Father" door, and so that is where we went. The mist was heavy, and even with our stones of light we could not see very far.

After a time we came to a strange door. There was a mechanism in the shape of a triskelion in the middle of the door. It was difficult to turn, but Larium turned it until the door opened, which was perhaps twenty rotations. We continued down the corridor and heard a soft whooshing, whistling noise. Guer, the security expert, was in the front and some kind of claw gouged her, wounding her sorely. We waited for a time and then approached again when the whooshing noise stopped. We discovered that there was a pole in the middle of the room, to which was attached a chain, at the end of which was a three pronged metal claw. It was that claw which had "attacked" Guer. Opening the door had wound up the mechanism and caused the chain to swing. Gunther cut down the pole with an axe so that the claw would not become active again. We discovered that in addition there was a trap in the floor around the pole, and when the floor was pressed, spears flew down from the ceiling. There seemed to be an infinite supply. After activating the trap with a long pole eight times in hopes of exhausting it, we gave up. There was nothing else in the room, even when we searched for secret doors.

We returned to the central room and went to the corridor whose archway was labeled "Phillus". Along the way Guenther found a secret door which led to a room full of rotten books. We had only been exploring the room for a short time when undead creatures attacked us. With the power of Mary, I induced many to run away, but there remained many to fight. We killed a great deal of them, and they injured us as well, until the security expert found a secret exit from the library room and we retreated. We found a safe room where we rested and I and the Jew Great Dog and the heathen Larium healed those who were wounded.

December 31, in the 986th year of our Lord

We attempted to return to the library, but bars had appeared and block our way. With Mary's holy power, I shaped the very stone of the corridor, and we passed by the side of the bars. In the library we found a horrible swarm of unholy corpses walking, but Mary's power induced most of them to run away. Mary's power was so great that it even imbued Great Dog with the ability to frighten the corpses. Still, some remained that we had to fight, and Gregoria caused a magical web to hold them in place. With relative ease we killed those not in the web. Mary instructed me where a book about Igwulf was on the shelves, and I found one that had a map of where Igwulf was last seen, and some scraps of writing about her. She had been east of Finland, that is Russia, I think.

Can also be found here.

There are two notebooks of rough notes which Heloise still has. The Chronicle is only a partial account of the material found in the notebooks.

The raw notebooks can be seen here: First Notebook and here Second Notebook