Difference between revisions of "Road to Kebnegard, Chapter Eighteen"

Revision as of 20:20, 27 November 2006

All Kinds of Copying
Sunday, March 4th through Tuesday, April 10th, 988 AD

Reynaldo and Conrad move into a cave outside of the fishing village and for a really long time, Reynaldo just copies and copies spells. In between spells, he has... meaningful conversations with Conrad.

Reynaldo: So... how's life?
Conrad: Right now, it's kind of boring, no offense.
Reynaldo: Don't worry, I'm kind of bored too.
Conrad: But I guess I'm kind of glad that monsters and Tailed People with phenomenal cosmic powers aren't trying to kill me.
Reynaldo: Yeah, I'm enjoying that too.
Conrad: Hey, listen. All that stuff about octopus gods... is that true?
Reynaldo: Unfortunately, yes. Do you think I'd go around saving cities from monsters without getting paid if the world wasn't in danger? It's really hard to steal from people when they're all drowned.
Conrad: Yeah, that's true. Hey, were you really going to kill me when I came back half-dead?
Reynaldo: Oh yeah, sorry about that. I have trust issues, and if the world didn't need saving, I would have killed half of these people when we met.
Conrad: Which ones?
Reynaldo: You're not planning on blackmailing me, are you?
Conrad: No, not at all. I can't even talk to most of them.
Reynaldo: Well, let's see, Edward gets on my nerves a lot, but I probably wouldn't kill him. Probably. Ivan is pretty cool, actually. Nicolae can be cool, but he has some weird attachment to Wong. Wong and Anna, I would probably have killed on the spot. I would have shot them right in their stupid obnoxious faces.
Conrad: What about Thalia and Jean-Claude? You get into arguments with them all the time.
Reynaldo: Yeah, but Jean-Cluade's a Frenchman and Frenchman are generally excellent people. And Thalia, well...
Conrad: You're attracted to her.
Reynaldo: Oh man, am I. Too bad she'll never give me the time of day.
Conrad: All right, good night Reynaldo.
Reynaldo: One more thing. You really have to start pooing in the back of the cave. It's starting to stink around here.

Many more days pass, and suddenly, Wong shows up at the cave.

Reynaldo: What the fuck are you doing here?
Wong: Okay, listen. I have an awesome idea.
Reynaldo: When did your Norse get so good?
Wong: Thanks for noticing. But seriously, listen. We can go get the money now.
Reynaldo: What? What money?
Wong: The money that's waiting for us in Constantinople! Without Thalia! That means a lot of money for the two of us!
Reynaldo: Oh man, that is a really awesome idea. Holy shit, that would be, like, a kajillion dollars!
Wong: Yeah, so let's go!
Reynaldo: Oh man, oh man, that is an awesome, awesome idea.
Wong: Yeah, so let's go!
Reynaldo: Oh man.
Wong: We're not gonna go, are we?
Reynaldo: Fuck! Stupid fucking octopuses! I could have been fucking rich! And that goddamn cunt, Agnia! I will cut her fucking head off and keep it in a goddamn box where I can kick it any time I want to! Fucking stupid cunt!

This continued for some time.

Reynaldo: ...and that fucking Halcyon. Oh, I am going to tie him to the prow of his ship and ram it into a cliff, that rat bastard.
Wong: So, what now?
Reynaldo: Now, I have to finish copying these spells, then we're going to Kebnegard, so I can kill that horrible bitch!
Wong: Okay, okay, we get it.

Reynaldo copied a lot more spells, until finally, he was on his last one, Phantom Steeds.

Meanwhile, Conrad was going a little stir crazy, and Wong wouldn't stop playing with Isabela. Conrad tried to get Wong's attention, but she wouldn't stop playing with the cat. Finally, Conrad took Isabela away from Wong and they got into an argument. It's important to note that Conrad spoke in Bulgar and Wong spoke in Cantonese.

Wong: Hey, what are you doing?
Conrad: Why won't you listen to me?
Wong: The cat obviously likes me better.
Conrad: Am I not more interesting than this fleabag?
Wong: No way! Isabela totally likes me way better.
Conrad: Listen, this cat is stupid and all it does is mewl all day.

At this point, Isabela jumps out of Conrad's hands and goes to Reynaldo.

Wong: See, she totally hates you.
Conrad: See, she's totally uninteresting. Now, let's spar.

Wong turns to get Isabela and Conrad grabs her by the shoulder.

Conrad: Where are you going? To get that cat again?
Wong: Why are you touching me? Don't make me kick your ass.

She turns to leave again and Conrad stops her again. She slaps him and he slaps her back, and then they get into a ridiculous slap fight. They slap, slap, slap until they reach Reynaldo and--

Reynaldo: No! You fucking idiots made me spill my ink. Do you know hard it is to get that ink!?

Reynaldo tries to get as much of the ink back into the inkwell as he can, but then suddenly remembers he's forgotten something.

Reynaldo: Well, that's just fucking great. I've lost Phantom Steeds from my memory. Now we have to walk to Kebnegard. I hope you jerks are happy.

Reynaldo goes to his sleeping spot and lays down.

Wong: What did he say?
Conrad: What did he say?

End Chapter Eighteen