Difference between revisions of "Just chatting with God in the late afternoon"

Latest revision as of 16:07, 8 May 2012

DL:DG May 11, Late Afternoon.

Alright, Alright, so I know I don't frequently write three of this in a single day, but a lot goes on, and, well, you know how my attention is. Or, I hope you do. Maybe you only found this one, and not the other thing's I've buried. In that case, Hi, I'm Diogenes. It's nice to meet you. I'm pals with Jesus (trying to help him save the world) and these people who call themselves the Danger Gang. If you're reading this it either hasn't been buried long, or the world still exists. Who am I kidding? Jesus is often. I don't lack faith enough to pose that hypothetical. If you're reading this, either it hasn't been buried long, or you're reading a part of the saga of how the world was saved from destruction at the grubby tentacles of an army of octopii.

So, to pick up where we left off, my hands were dirty with the blood of my pal Jesus (and some dirt), and we were lollygagging in England. We were talking to this guy named Dunstan. He's one of the people who pretends that he's friends with Jesus but who hates him. There are a lot of those guys. They're even worse than the guys who pretend they're friends with Jesus but don't understand him. I really hate this guy. It's been driving me bonkers hanging out with the Danger Gang lately, because they're always palling around with people that I hate. But, Jesus told me to, so I have infinite patience. I'll just make paste from beans and turn my other cheek so that I can look at the situation with my other eyeball. I've got both afterall. That must mean Jesus want's me to see what's going on--why else do you think I'm writing all this stuff down.

Okay, so this total whackadoodle tells us that the sophist (ashopis--he's a truth telling lich) is his buddy (man, I don't even like this guy's friends) and though he used to hang out at the Abby of Heathchester, that place is not really in good shape anymore (so maybe it is in good shape). See Heathchester was a druid party temple but they wrote stuff down that Jesus (in another guise) told them to not write down. So, Jesus was like, man, you guys, I can't trust you, and left them to their own devices. The sophist saw that Jesus wasn't coming around anymore so he took over in order to summon his cthochthonic gods. Basically, that's Jesus', well, I don't know what to call him. He's not really an enemy, because Jesus loves everything. But, man, that guy wants to destroy everything. You can't love that which isn't, so there'd be nothing for Jesus to love. So, Yeah, I'll have to ask Jesus about that next time I talk to him. I learned divination, so maybe I'll ask him sometime. Hey Jesus, what do you think about that chtonic guy who wants to destroy the earth? I mean, I know you aren't super pals, but you don't hate him, right? You don't hate.

Anyway, that didn't work. Jesus was like, hold up there, I can't let everything get destroyed, I'll send some pals to stop that, and he did, and they did. So then the DG started asking about Ludd's son Gwynn. Now, I may not be as smart as most of my priestly collegues, but you will note that I can spell. Gwynn has two n's. Gwyn has one n. The DG are not asking about my buddy Gywn, but some other Gwynn. Actually, my friend told me all sorts of crazy stories about the other Gwynn. I think he was kind of impressed by that guy. So, this wasn't really news, but Dunstan started talking about a huge boar hunt (there's a comb and some scissors. I didn't get it. I had no Idea that Irish pigs were so coiffed). Then he fought with Aurther (that was actually pretty cool. Jesus told me about that guy Aurther once. I think that's how Gwyn (the one n one) and I started talking actually).

If that wasn't enough, they asked Dunstan about the Welsh party. Now, this is where I got a bit confused. If this guy is so awful, and we both know that we hate one another, why are we trusting him. I mean, we are pissed at the king of England for listening to this guy, but we listen to him? These are not the brightest tools in the hut if you know what I'm saying. So, the welsh king broke a taboo and these guys want to kill him for it. He left to Africa though, and they're in Whales. Turns out that was a big lie. The king is dead, they aren't trying to kill a dead man--that's what we do.

Dunstan got pretty pissed off at this point, so Zombres started talking to his gross eagle eye mirror again. It's so gross and awesome, and way more trustworthy than Dunstan. So he look in it and see -- now I didn't look, so we're taking his words, but I am pretty sure this guy doesn't lie to me -- a foggy room with a hooded arabic dude and some really old elf. Then he was like HOLY MOLOCH it's the bathhouse bandit and looked away and ended the spell. Turns out these guys, his old buddies acutally, are bad news. Gwyn followed them in Laoland when they were disguised as the Welsh party, so I'm glad he didn't get hurt. I guess they are pretty powerful.

So Zombres is like, we gotta go tell the Welsh party that these fools are fooling otheres into think that they they are them. So, we go to Powas where we see the welsh party feasting and some nervous lady. I'm not sure why she's nervous, but the DG don't seem to take any heed. They're so unthoughtful. I need to go ask her what's up. So they start talking to Dylan, the head of the WP, and he has three pupils. Some item, I guess. He can see a few seconds into the future? Sounds like some kiddie ninja story I heard about from a drunkard in Russia. So these guys are feasting for the King, because they found the corpse of that guy they were trying to kill. I knew that Dunstan was a liar. Zombres starts asking his questions again--what do you know about Gwynn with two n's. Then there was a long period where Zombres was basically like "hey, I really want to avoid doing all of these jobs for this lake lady, so I'm going to make a lot of jobs for myself to try to get a bunch of awesome people to try to beat up the lake lady." Dylan was like, I am not going to be stupid like that. I pointed out how stupid it was too. I mean, I try to hold my tounge Jesus, I really do. With you as my witness I try not to be mean. It's just so hard sometimes. I know people need to learn for themselves--or at least the smart ones--but ugh. I left out a bunch of inconsequential stuff, but basically, to kill double-n you'd have to make sure he was swimming while in a doorway trying to climb on a horse. I know, right? Either that or you have to give him a bath. Also, this Giant that the DG thinks is their pal was talking to Dunstan (I hate him!), so clearly he is not their pal. Oh, but there was one cool thing. So I guess there are these Eagles, and they just start to flip out when foreigners try to invade England. That is so awesome. Of all the things in Jesus's green and brown and yellow and orange earth, birds are definitely my favorite after beans and Jesus.

So, there we were, with no real way to do the dumb things we gotta do. So, we decided to do some not dumb things--OR SO I THOUGHT. We were talking about Issac and the names of the God's and the masons. I mean, okay, Seriously guy who just dug this thing up. Listen to this. The world is going to end in like four or eight months. Really soon. We have to get some names from these guys called the Masons. Now, we have a deadline here, right? The world just stops if we don't. So the argument against trying to do that is "it will take too long." But, then, we can't do it. There is not enough time for things to be able to take to long. Like, that is not an argument not to do a thing you have to do. If that's the case, you just give up. You shouldn't do that, you should have faith and Jesus will help you out, but I mean, that is the kind of really really really obviously dumb thinking I'm facing with. Maybe Jesus is just trying to teach me patience. I'll bet that's it! What a cool guy. Right, so we were talking about doing a smart thing, but decided to sleep on it. Now it's like 1AM on the 12th and Gershom decides to ask Jesus 11 questions (or, you know, yaaa way, or whatever he calls him) because we're going to beat up the sophist. I don't like that guy, but there are more important things I think. These were questions, or their results:

1. Is the cup necessary to get to the moon (no)

2. Is the sophist's phylactery in the British Isles. (yes)

3.-6. It's in Ireland, not England, Scotland, or Whales

7. Cathbad does think he knows where it is

8. and He is not allied with the sophist

9. Issac the horse will not immediately die if he leaves an island (your guess is as good as mine)

10. Lady of the Lake is palling around with some grubby octopii

11. But, she can be struck by two weapons (again, I have no idea)

I get to chat with Jesus, and he can only ask yes or no questions. Time to be more friendly Gershom! Jesus is a super friendly guy.

Okay, so Zombres is a little closer to Jesus and he can ask questions and get words back. But the words are still riddles. Man, that was like my least favorite part about sitting in the tree for 10 years. Jesus started asking me riddles and didn't stop for seriously like 4 years. But then he came to me one day laughing and was like, man you are a persistent guy Diogenes. Even when you get almost not riddles right you just keep trying. You're alright.

So the riddle was something like this (Like I said, i'm not good at them. Mostly I can't hear them). There is a crimson keep that is under some sod (like fake grass?) where there are two red heads of state. Then something about a petrification about the armageddon that we're gettin'? Man I don't know. There are two dragons though. I wonder if we'll have to kill them while they're climbing onto horses swimming between rooms.

That's it!