Difference between revisions of "Speak Woefully and Carry a Neat Stick"

Revision as of 16:59, 4 December 2012

May 25 7:00pm

Before we depart Nysa for Hirappa we ask shem's lying rock where SOMA is. It's no doubt to the W X WS as the rock tells us to go E X NE. Well, it doesn't tell us to go anywhere, just where a thing is. We're not even going to that thing, but I guess since we can use this worthless rock once a day we might as well know where all the things are, or at least were when we ask. I think we should just ask it where something we know is everyday to find out when it works and tells the truth and when it doesn't. Maybe ever prime numbered day since Jesus' assassination gets a correct answer from that thing.

Anyway, halfway through our trip to the Indus we meet this Brahman named somasvami. He's a ruby-eye'd looking monkey buried in the sand and very thirsty when we meet him. He has this string around his arm that let's him turn into a monkey or a man as long as he says something. He used it to cuckold some dude only to find himself in the middle of a cautionary tale about interfering with the lives and wives of others. It was all very touching. I might add here that I'm the only one he told, because I could talk to animals.

More traveling in this slow way (I miss the danger kart) until Dusk of the 27th where we duke it out with either manticore. I have discovered that I am not very good at inflicting harm on creatures (which, all things considered, is good since I generally want to let the wicked learn to be good rather than snuffing them out of existence). What I am good at, though, is standing and yelling and trying to get people to hit me. I was able to draw the fire from a couple of these blokes so that my pals could get off some spells. Maybe this is my calling in life. Come, misguided folk who don't see the truth that Jesus has placed before your eyes, strike me--for my bean-strengthened constitution can take any blow!

Anyway, I thought something like this before I went to sleep. I hadn't slept in a few days because I am growing a little worried about Jesus. I mean, I know he told me he wouldn't be around much because he's coordinating all this stuff, but it has been a really long time. I hope he's okay. I thought maybe if I stayed up for a really long time and then was so tired that I had to pass out he might come and at least tell me to stop being an idiot.

SO ANYWAY

Dawn of the 28th, roughly now as I write this, we look about. Well, I give some friends some beans, and then we look about. They came in handy for Can, the best traveling companion here, so I'm glad. I hope one day these people will come to see the benefits of my diet. You can bring a fool to beans but you can't make him eat them and them alone, as they say. So this place is gross. There are all these tiny skeletons everywhere, and there are light and narrow footprints--human, but emaciated human, all pointing into this nasty sewer. So, to the sewer we travel. This sewer has some very nice original detail work, wood and metal lattice. Unfortunately for any renovators we just break it all. This place is evil, so evil that when we meet an evil ghost it doesn't seem that evil because of the sheer evil that resides in its environs. I very prudently cast protection from evil.

The ghost is a bit of a drama queen. Gengar (his name) is dead, and so are his people. Verashika, protector of the waters, ruled a great empire here until Salla came and gave them warning of their demise. I think Salla must have been working with my main man J because his warning came in one of those weird cryptic warnings that he used to give when he was talking to the Isrealites. Something like “look, see this mother camel and baby camel, keep them both cared for because when they’re not then you’re toast.” We can discern that Verashaka is a no goodnick because he loves the ocean & also did not heed the cryptic warnings appropriately. Maybe his heart got hardened or something, but the camels bit it and Naiarchus, a greek, came in and sent verashaka packing. NO WE ARE NOT HERE TO DO THE RITES OF YOUR OLD BOSS, GENGAR! HE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO THE WORDS OF JESUS. Sorry, sorry, I’m writing this down while the conversation is going on and he just asked really stupid question.

Whew, okay, so that went strangely. We were able to discern from the rest of the conversation and the writing on that guy’s stick that it is a stick of you can speak and understand whatever language you want! It’s from babel or named after aber or something. We also fought a weird blob, and found some unicorn corpses in strange cages that really shouldn’t have been there, and found the camel’s mummified corpse. Finally we went past gengar and were attacked by three red stand-monsters. I totally nailed one a few times, and Gwyn did his hopping thing. Right now we’re sort of trying to get our bearings. There is a weak ceiling, a strange terra cotta pot of elemental summoning or something (and a cup), three orbs of pure chaotic evil, 3 visible holes that fall into a lot of water, and 1 possible hold that is covered by the orbs. I very reasonably suggest that we cover the holes with the balls or dispell their magic, but no one will listen. They’re probably going to yack for a while, which is why I thought I’d finish this. I wonder when they’ll stop talking and start acting.