Letter from Eorl the Confessor to Jean-Claude

Eorl wrote a letter to Jean-Claude that was written in Norse, but spelled phonetically with poorly written Greek letters. Proper names are all spelled correctly in Greek. Numbers are in Greek as well, although they appear here in Roman numerals. The first letter is exactly how Eorl wrote it followed by the translation as done by Reynaldo.

    Jean-Claude--
    
    I hop this somhow finds u. Im sure ur aliv. I hav much to tel u.
    Throkians tuk Chrysopolis with copee monstar (copee Beardo-- ful me). Lucretius get bak I wek after (gud
    wurc!). Kil Throkian, kil copee monstar. Lucretius = rel Harald. HARALD NOT DED. Be carful.
    Status com Constantinople. Njal freekd (ha!) Kai ded? Gunther ded? Harald kil I statu, I go wer? Be
    carful.
    Harald fiynd erlee Greek dongun in Byzantium. Veri importent. Octopuses cam befor! MMM years? MMMM years?
    Sumwun fit them and kil them. Hoo? Haw? No idya.
    Told men in Byzantium. III cum thru Chrysopolis. Stol VI fingrs baby gerl. Atemptid ritul. Interuptid? If
    ys, pur luk. I kild. Patriarch talkid to boddee. New lidl. Mad Patriarch think tho. Gud.
    Ther is dongun unter Chrysopolis. Mad bi erlee Christians. Christians sumun don ANGIL nam "NELCHAEL."
    Veri powerful. IF we fiynd a wa to bynd him he cud be ur mesinger!
    
    Ned mesinger badlee. I am sending grup to Macedonia. Luk fur Ikkulu letrs. Ned wa to tel yu + Harald (?)
    wat thay fiynd.
    Harald, Gur, Wirschen, Justinian, go Est and Ido falow. U go north (I hop). Thalia? Wong? Reynaldo? Kai?
    Gunther?
    Tring to get ur alis to send reprazentitivs to Chrysopolis. Riteng letrs to drooids, Mithras, and Prinz
    Orm. Also uthors u no no. Mabe elfs. Not sur yet. Patriarch iz hel ping alidl. Hes stil not cunvinzed. Am
    makeng alis with mermen. Euxine king "ADEPHO." Mermen uset to be elfs frends. Mit halp u.
    WAYT - I NOT RITENG letrs. I tok Halcyon rit. Hez a royel payn in mi as. Oeone to. Tha sa hi.
    
    I rite this letr becus it has sekrut planz. Onle u will no haw to red it. I hop.
    No nooz uv Evelake. Sumwun sed tha sa Lady Thora fli ovvr thu citi. It wuz Gur tho, so 'wutever.'
    Evin with trubls her we ur makeng progres. I spek Greek betr then I rite it. Chrysopolis iz recuvered
    frum Michael and the seje. It iz becuming strang. The Bithyanians also call Chrysopolis "SCOTARI," wich
    mens sheld. I hop to Corellon, Hanali, Christ, and ane uther gods hoo wil lissin it wil sheld us all wen
    ther is no plas left to run frum the forsis that dog us acros the werld. We must prevayl.
    BETWEEN THE EARTH AND THE SEA STANDS CHRYSOPOLIS.
    
    Onward,
    Eorl

    Jean-Claude--
    
    I hope this somehow finds you. I'm sure your alive. I have much to tell you.
    Throkians took Chrysopolis with copy monster (copy Beardo-- fooled me). Lucretius got back one week after
    (good work!). Kill Throkian, kill copy monster. Lucretius is the real Harald. HARALD NOT DEAD. Be careful.
    Statues came to Constantinople. Njal freaked (ha!). Kai dead? Gunther dead? Harald kill one statue, one
    go where? Be careful.
    Harald find early Greek dungeon in Byzantium. Very important. Octopuses came before! 3000 years? 4000
    years? Someone fight them and kill them. Who? How? No idea.
    Tailed men in Byzantium. 3 came through Chrysopolis and stole 6 fingered baby girl. Attempted a ritual.
    Was it interrupted? If yes, pure luck. One [tailed person] killed. Patriarch talked to the body. He knew
    little. Made Patriarch think, though. Good.
    There is a dungeon under Chrysopolis. Made by early Christians. Christians summon down ANGEL
    named "NELCHAEL." Very powerful. IF we find a way to bind him, he could be our messenger!
    
    Need messenger badly. I am sending group to Macedonia. Look for Ikkulu's letters. Need way to tell you
    and Harald (?) what they find.
    Harald, Gur, Wirschen, and Justinian go East and Ido follow. You go north (I hope). Thalia? Wong?
    Reynaldo? Kai? Gunther?
    Trying to get our allies to send representatives to Chrysopolis. Writing letters to druids, Mithras, and
    Prince Orm. Also others you don't know. Maybe elves. Not sure yet. Patriarch is helping a little. He's
    still not convinced. I am making allies with mermen. Euxine king "ADEPHO." Mermen used to be elves'
    friends. Might help you.
    WAIT - I'M NOT WRITING letters. I took Halcyon write. He's a royal pain in my ass. Oeone too. They say hi.
    
    I write this letter because it has secret plans. Only you will know how to read it. I hope.
    No news of Evelake. Someone said they saw Lady Thora fly over the city. It was Gur though, so 'whatever.'
    Even with troubles here, we are making progress. I speak Greek better than I write it. Chrysopolis is
    recovered from Michael and the siege. It is becoming strong. The Bithyanians also call
    Chrysopolis "SCOTARI," which means shield. I hope to Corellon, Hanali, Christ, and any other gods who
    will listen that it will shield us all when there is no place left to run from the forces that dog us
    across the world. We must prevail.
    BETWEEN THE EARTH AND THE SEA STANDS CHRYSOPOLIS.
    
    Onward,
    Eorl