Hezichiakon

EZEXIAKΩN EZECHIACA I.

Updated for the modern reader of the IX. century A.D. ¶Updated again, after extensive interviews with living sources, at this end of the year A.D. CM.

Ezechias was the first to assemble a list of the origins, provenances, and distributions, of magic items he possessed or desired. He collected what items he could, but it is unlikely he enjoyed them: he was told by Dominus Deus that everything he had assembled would one day be stolen by Nabuchodonosor. Furthermore, Ezechias has a change of heart at some point, and destroyed at least the Nacasa of Moses, and possibly everything else—who has ever heard of the magic items of Ezechias? Nevertheless, it is traditional to name for this worthy king all compilations of such relics, of which this is only the newest and most up-to-date. Incipit volume I. of IIJ.

The pole ax of Lycurgus Arabicus was a gift of his father Mars; it could not save him from being entangled in hedera-vines by Ambrosia, so Mars then further caused it to grant free action, that his son should not be so humiliated again at the hands of the Bacchæ. Lycurgus, blind and mad, bore it from Arabia to Thraca. There it fell into the hands, after his death, of Mænades, out for revenge. They passed it along among themselves, but they lost it in the waning of the pagan days, somewhere in the Mare Internum, some say to rogue Gnosii.

Mimunicus and Limme, the sword and helm of Vitegus, were crafted by Volunder, prince of smiths, and disappeared into the sea with their bearer—where one of the three, at least, belonged. ¶At Theodoricus’ decree, Vitegus himself, a lesser smith, made the helm Vigar, which he sent to Artu as either a gift or indemnity.

After Hodus died, the sword of Miminicus returned to the troll, or satyr some say, who crafted it, and he has been passing it around the Gardani ever since. It was called at times Runticus, such as when Unfers killed his brothers with it; in Herota he gave it to Lupapium, but the Gotus figured out its perils rather quickly. He returned it to Unfers, who brought it, a-viking, to Hibernia, where it was next seen briefly in the hands of the Hibernic prince Moroltus before returning to the Gardani, and their peninsula. It is conspicuous, whatever its name, for the vines encircling it, and for the crazy-eye of its wielder. ¶Of course, the northlands are filled with cursed swords, such as the spell-slashing Tufinicus and the heart-rending [lit. liver scattering—jecurem jactans] sword of Septemaquæ and even, perhaps, the great Gramma. These will all be covered later.

In the philoprogenitive north—“vagina of nations,” as Jordanes has put it—the Gardani, Eruli, Juti, Goti, Suiodæ, Norgæ, Fennæ, Sami, Alpæ, Nani, Uldri, and Eoteni squabble not only over swords, but also over abounding rings of ambiguous utility, the rings of Miminicus and Nibelus, e.g.g., the least baneful of which may be Suiagris; and yet even this has been the witness to much tragedy. It was possessed by the Amazonic Olava, and Helcius, brother of the more famed Roticar of Herota, beheld it and desired it, and her. When he courted her she humiliated him, shaving him and coating him with tar. In revenge he later slipped back to her island and raped her; he had the ring at last. The resulting daughter was Ursa, who was raised as a shepherdess, and Helcius, encountering her years later, fell in love. They were married in ignorance of their consanguinity, and had a son named Rofus, but Olava maliciously informed Ursa of her true paternity, and Ursa, confirming the story by finding the hidden ring, fled to Suioda, taking Suiagris, where she married Adlis, Lupapium’s friend. The ring and all the treasure of the Gardani was her dowry, so how could even the most powerful of kings resist her? Helcius went to claim his bride, or at least his ring, but Adlis slew him in single combat. Rofus, Lupapium’s friend, went north to avenge his father, and hacked Adlis’s notorious castle filled with traps. Overwhelmed by Adlis and his men, he fled, laden with treasure. As he crossed the marshy plain near Salaflumen, he scattered the gold behind him, and the soldiers stopped to pick it up. Finally, with only Adlis pursuing, Rofus dropped the Suiagris behind him, and when Adlis stooped to pick it up, Rofus stabbed him in the back. “I have bent the back of the most powerful man in the north!” Rofus crowed, as he fled, but of course his victory was hollow, for Adlis lived, and had the ring. It has since been passed down through the line of kings of his cold and mournful nation, all of whom have since had power over the bodies of the dead and inanimate.

Adlis also won from Onelas, Rofus’ uncle and his own, the torque he had stripped from the corpse of Hielacus, detailed elsewhere; and from Alius the Norges [alius=”the other”] the helmet Porcobellum [Battle-pig] and the mail shirt Finnilegatum [Finnus’-bequest]. They were probably also made by dwarves, everything up there is. Porcobellum is still in Suioda, but Finnus’-bequest was broken down into rings, originally to be distributed to an all-conquering army; but, when this did not pan out, neither did the general recall, and for C. years the rings were everywhere on the black markets, welcomed into and smuggled out of various countries. Etana herself owned IJ.

The true cross was, as everyone knows, fashioned from the wood of the Tree of the Fruit of Knowledge of Good and Evil; after many adventures it was buried, found later by Elena, and brought to Constantinopolis, where it was festooned with gems. Theodosius, in turn, sent it to Milana as a gift for Ambrosius. Etila conquered Milana, along with most everything else, and pried the gems from the cross before burning it. But the pieces where XP’s blood touched it would not burn, so Etila used that part as the hilt of a sword, which he dedicated to Mars, a god of war he thought, in his confused barbaric imagination, was in opposition to the Xpianus god of peace. The Mavortius sword was stolen by Valtarius, and is now in the possession of Germanii. No one who speaks Germanic can be an evil man, saith the proverb; may they therefore make good use of it!

Along the holiest of swords is Durendalis, possessed first by Hector and later by Rolandus; it may have been seized by the Arabes, and it may have been broken. ¶This, along with other holy swords, such as Cuernbitus and the sword of the Agathyrsi, will be covered in depth in a later volume, but here is the time to speak of the more-or-less holy sword of Alius Arabicus [alius=”the other”], Dualficarus, so called because of its dual nature. It was once a pagan sword of the bloodthirsty Himiari of Jomen, including their Judaic final king, Dunuvas, who rode into the sea to escape capture. The sword miraculously washed up on shore, and into the hands of the virtuous ruler in XP, Abrahas Semios. He gave it to Mahundus Ebekusæ in Sana, but Urvas son of Haiadus slew him in Mutara, and the sword fell into the hands of Judaic and pagan bandits. At Bader the Musilimi took hold of it, and Alius engraved thereon his name. But Alius was deposed, and who should wield the sword became a controversy. From Hosen it was taken by Amer Ebensadus, from Amer Ebensadus it was taken by Almucter, from Almucter it was taken by Musabus, etc. Ever the Otamii desired it, for they are subject to no laws, and the sword to them is like an open book, in which is written all things. In theory it was the property of the holiest warrior of the diadochia, but at times a stopgap solution was accepted, however unreliable. Eventually the sons of Batsinecus, XIX.° son of Ocus, won it on the battlefield near the Euxinus, and while Curias cannot use it himself (obviously), he has never had a shortage of applicants for the job. As befits a sword that has passed back and forth between enemies, the Dualficarus is both holy and unholy, both long and short, both a stab from the front and a stab from the back, both heroic and cowardly, depending on who wields it. And so, after a fashion, are all swords.

The great sword of Goliath, which a normal man must wield with IJ. hands, was taken by David, along with its scabbard of salamander scales, and passed along to Salomon, who bedecked it with gems of soul stealing, and wrought such magic upon it that it could only be drawn by the most righteous of warriors. His foreign wife, ashamed that the king himself could not draw it, set it sailing in a magical boat crafted from bark of the descendents of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, until it reached Cævella. Here it was found, still in the boat, but Ioseph of Arimethea, who sailed under the Somesilda and brought it with King Mordrænus to Britannia. Here Mordrænus had an unfortunate accident with the sword, and he thrust it into a stone, and hurled the scabbard into the Lake of the Shank of the Evening. The scabbard was taken by the sorceress Nimua, who, by dint of its power to change shape to accommodate what was thrust into it, used it for her own creation, a sword called Calburnius. Some say that Balinus used the sword of Goliath, some that it remained in the stone until it was drawn by a knight called Glahadius, or Gladius. It was buried with him in the Sancral castle.

Nero Claudius Drusus, the son of the emperor Augustus, was known for his magical short sword, which he plundered from Germania. It was buried with him in his mausoleum in Moguntiacum. His nephew, J. Cæsar Drusus, was so jealous that he did not receive the sword after his uncle’s death that he designed a sword modeled after it, which he insisted be called after him, but people just called it a Drusus. Drusus’ mausoleum served as a popular pilgrimage site until one bitter winter when Alani, Vandali, et al. under Crocus came to get their sword. According to legend, they found the tomb empty. Some say Crocus used a ring that controlled the weather that night, which he, or his heirs, lost probing too deeply into the mysteries of Illyris.

The white-handled Dirnvin was crafted by Morgana in emulation of the feats of Nimua. She passed it to her son Ovan, who, with his flaming sword, ring of the raven, Guitbullus, and enormous lion, made quite a name for himself in Locres. His ending is obscure, but he may have fallen, along with most of Arthur’s knights, at Camlannia. The sword passed to the Cambric king of Alta Clota, Ritericus Hal. Guentolus got the Guitbullus, but he was slain in Arturetta by Ritericus Hal, which perhaps proves which item was the more potent. Ritericus Hal died in bed, the same year as Columba, the murderer of Hibernia, the savior of Caldonia, the terror of the thunder lizards. The sword, it is said, was given to Carolus Magnus, who gave it to his son Lois Pius, from whom it was stolen, along with his enchanted armor, by the order of paladins he tried and failed to create to fight Valas. The paladins were all executed, but the secret of the items died with them; all they gave was a curse on any Gallican king who murders orders of knights to get their treasure. [Not Valas, but Wallace of Armorica. -Al Khidr]

Adlis’ brother Enmuntus possessed a giant-forged sword, which he lost when the outlaw Veostan slew him. Veostan brought the sword and the body to Onelas, Enmuntus’ uncle, but the latter forbore to declare a blood feud or even demand the man-price, instead letting Veostan go. When Veostan had grown old, he gave the sword to that child of his old age, Viclafis. Viclafis was the stealthiest of men, and carried the sword when he slipped into a dragon’s hoard filled with strange and ancient items and an even stranger dragon, and stole a precious cup. When Lupapium and his followers later fought the dragon, which was wingless, venomous, and covered in seaweed, Viclafis alone, aided by the sword of Enmuntus, made his fear save. ¶After the dragon and Lupapium were both dead, Viclafis, having gained a great deal of experience from the dragon, found himself in charge of a kingdom with no strong leader and the largest hoard of gold, comprised of small spheres and other strange things, such as a gold banner, the north had ever seen. The Goti did not last too long in this situation, but whether Viclafis slipped away with his sword is unknown. What is known is that the gold banner, on which octopus slaughtered dragon and crab in strange thread, fell to marauding Merovinciani, and the precious cup, which had started the whole imbroglio, to the Jutii and then, after more fighting, to Lotus of the isles of Orcænia. Morcasa, their duchess, discovered how to manipulate its wonderful power by dissolving gold in it along with the water, but before she could make much use of the discovery, for example to usurp her sister’s role or demon lover, her son the scion of Orcænia gave the cup away to the foreigner Benlaton, said to be so swarthy he appeared green, in exchange for a lesson of some sort. Gavæn had reason to regret his generosity, when he became convinced that this cup was the cup he and his party sought, although of course he was wrong. Benlaton had meantime taken the cup on his wanderings, and he learned, at the expense of an exploding Boethius, whom he had planned to help escape, that one should not drink from the cup twice in a row. He finally gave it to his champion Hamsas, for he believed that the descendents of one who rediscovered Agar’s well would be able to conquer the world. Wrong horse.

Samsum was one of the swords of Salomon, but disappeared in the confusion of the divided kingdom and ended up in Jomen, where the Jomenic and later Æthiopic kings bore it. Abrahas carried it to Meccha astride the great white Elephas mamutus, but it was rescued from his corpse by a partisan, who brought it back to Jomen where it reached the hands of the apostate poet Amer son of Madiceribus. He lost it, in his bid for power, and it became the sword of the schismatics, until the time of Harun. Abunuas, in fear for his life, stole it and brought it to Ægyptus, where it was stolen in turn by Abraham, son of Alcasib, who, bewitched, took it Bassora, where he died, and it passed to the mistress of purity. But along the way it was damaged, or some say cursed by the diadochus. ¶Acraba is Salomon’s other sword, the bane of all genii, but he could fight with both only when enlarged. ¶For the record, he also owned the celeritous Cumquam and Dulajam, just in case he found one of those elusive four-armed potions said to still be buried beneath the glass sea of Arabia Infelix. The Arabes found both scimitars, in any event, and when their schismatic empire schismed the former fell among the Omaji, the latter the Aglabii; although frankly both swords and sects are hard to tell apart, and this could be backwards.

The great sword of Nabuchodonosor, which some say he seized from the Cimmerii, was lost for M. years in the wilderness around Tamia when the great king went mad. There it was found by Brunamon, who brought it to Hiberia, only to see it destroyed in combat with Ogier the Gardanus, who faced him not with either of his famous swords, Cortanis or Savagina, but with a simple metal rod, which disintegrated after the first blow. But Ogier, whose bone ship he dug up from some bog, and who managed to locate among his countrymen the one sword of Theodoricus’ that had not been taken away by Virginalis, was never at a loss to find magic, and he bragged that he knew where more examples of the wondrous rod could be found. But he never told, and sailed west, and disappeared from history.

Cortanis was itself originally called Næcelincus, a sword forged by the dwarves of old for use against the giants; it had been captured by giants, who, unable to destroy it, hid it away for centuries in the east, until Theodoric slew the purple giant Grimmus, and stole the sword from his widow. When Theordoic acquired the superior sword Eccisax, he gave Næcelincus to Hamas, who took it with him through his betrayal and repentance. He kept it in the monastery of Viliten at Œnipons, where he was hiding under the name Ludvicius, but unfortunately this monastery was sacred to the giants, having been founded some C. years before by their leader Hæmo the Dragonslayer, and there was no way to keep the sword’s location a secret. The giant Aspillia arrived first, and sought the sword, but Hamas came out of retirement for one last mission and slew the giant. When he tried to reenter the monastery, though, he was refused; Viliten had been founded as repentance for violence, and Hæmo had embraced pacifism upon its founding; the monks would not let a warrior enter. Hamas and the monks disagreed on this point, and they disagreed so strongly that eventually several monks lay dead, and the monastery in flames. Hamas fled, and Theordoric offered to take him back into his service, but Hamas’ heart was not in it. He wandered away, and the giants fell upon him in force. He fought long against them, but fell in the end, and the giants had reclaimed Næcelincus. ¶Fearful of Theordoric’s empire, and his alliances to the east, they brought the sword north, but were slain in battle by the Frisic Dæraphon, the Raven of the Day. Luapium slew Dæraphon with his bare hands and acquired his third magic weapon, to match Valsaxum and the enormous Eoteniscus that melts and reforms like water. When he fell against the strange dragon, his sword was destroyed, and buried with him, but Ogier plundered it, and brought it to the dwarves, who reforged it as Cortanis (so called because in the reforging it ended slightly shorter than hitherto). And it disappeared with him, for though Falerina and Melissa sought him, they never returned from the adventure.

The small stone turtle referred to in the secret works of Heorodotus and Xenophon is one of the most obscure magical items. It is said to appear in the shape of a land overseas, the one whose creation caused Plato’s Atlantis to sink into the sea, because there was no longer anything underneath it. Anything like a turtle, i.e., or a whole lot of land. It has since disappeared, but Ptolemæus V. and Constantinus Magnus were undoubtedly among its possessors. Its power is vague but undisputed.

The priests of Ea, which name is short for Encias, wielded a small ax, in contradistinction to the great ax of the priestesses of Ops, for water is smaller than earth. Some say these axes would be produced freeform from primordial Chaos, some say they were crafted by the priesthood. They were in antiquity quite valued, and among their owners were Mida, Thasus, and Crassus—or, basically, anyone rich enough to afford one. ¶Thasus’ was weighted for throwing, and he sent it to Thynia, to help his brother against the winged Harpyiæ, albeit in vain; and it was brought thence in the Christian era, north by the Goti. But few examples survive of this once plentiful item; perhaps they have dissolved into the Chaos from which they sprang.

The ring of the anchor was given by Apollo to his son Seleucus. It was passed down among the kings of Media until Antiocus discovered its use, and used it to conquer Asia. With the decline of the Seleucii, the ring fell into the waters of Babylon, and sank like its image. The Medi searched high and low for the ring, but it was only years alter, during the Arabic conquest, that Abuser the Alexandrinus, a thief condemned to death, found it inside a fish. He loyally passed it to Mosenas Harris, who used it to vanquish the forces of the Amazonic Arsemia; but he did not live long thereafter. For to wear the ring is the privilege of the diadochus, and the diadochus alone, although should he be unable to for some reason, tradition dictates that some trusted assistant may hold stewardship. Sad made certain not to make the same mistake as his predecessor, and the ring remained silent until a palace was built over the fair of Bactad. Scæviben of Jason, we should note, claimed to have seen, on the finger of Abudus, the ring during its long absence underwater; but nobody trusts a Jomenic.

Rhadamanthus possessed a small wand, which he twisted and braided into a ring, in whose presence truth must be spoken. The honest murderer took it to Bœotia, where, at least according to Cleanthes, Democritus, and Heraclitus, it fell to the bottom of a well. How or if it got out is unknown; by its nature it is an object few would want. Abubacer may have worn it, but if he passed it along, it could not have stayed in the line for long. Harun’s lenses would not have terrified him as they did had he possessed such a ring to match his other, but even still, Clio would tell us that Otman, even, could have possessed no such item. Jævar the Boneless may have used it as a trap on his journey home. Olecius, prince of the Rusii, claims to possess it (or at least a similar ring, on which are etched characters he cannot read, which could be any characters, honestly) now; and how could he lie?

The jackals of Libye possess a magical pair of scissors, brought to Roma from Trebizond by a priest of Isis, and thence to Libye by Apuleius. The jackals took them from his grave, as is their habit, along with his potions and ointments. Jackals hate Arabes. The scissors have become, over the years, a sacred item to these simple animals, although they were never meant for jackals, but for the ritual of dismembered Tammus. They are very good at dismembering Tammus!

The rope of Bibiasifabasafa is only IJ. cubits long, but extends much further, and can climb and snake itself where it will. It was woven in the days of Nimrod by a sorceress of Armenia from the scales of the Canavari lashed together with reeds, and given to her son. He took it on many adventures (presumably), but it was lost somewhere in India, where over the years many a performer incapable of casting rope trick used this as a crude substitute. It was most famously used to bind their messiah Xpnas, but for M. years at a time it could stay lost. Heliseus Abuja spiraled into India from the east, and after he found the rope there his followers bore it back eastwards; from them it passed into other, strange, hands, until it had reached the ends of the earth, near the golden throne, to a land called Cocuria, where Cumoncius, more famous for his whip, used it to defeat Sonciancius. Only Benlaton could rescue it from such sunrise obscurity, and he did, old friend, and finally passed it to a trickster named Amer, and he brought it with Caled to Persis, and then with Abdalamanus to Albania, where he persuaded the natives that the Arab invaders were angeli against whom non-magical weapons would not function, so they were safe as long as no Albanics did any experimenting. After Abdalamanus and his entire army were slaughtered, Amer carried the rope east to the land of the beautiful Guldor, where he tried the angelus bit again. Unfortunately the sword of Erajus was known to work well against angeli, and there was no wanting for an experimenter. ¶The rope now rests in the treasury of the king of Robia, along with the papyrus shield, the chime of Alexander, the skin known as Deviana, the Zampillus that opens “in Adam’s name,” the robe of tricks, the sheet and net, and the Dotara, all to be used “against the Deu.”

Cadmus’ wedding was the first attended by the gods, in return, it said, for rescuing Juppiter from Tyhoeus by song. A gala affair: the boar was yoked to the lion, Jasius slept with Ceres in the mud, and Electra revealed the mysteries of Ops in the form of a stone. There was also the giving of the gifts. Apollo gave Noncadit [it does not fail], the fabled bow of burnished gold. He took it to Encælea and passed it to Illyrius, the son of his old age, in Buthoa; when Ephyræ fleeing the specter of Glaucus founded Epidamnus, this and the other gifts ended up there. But Epidamnus was fought over and conquered so many times that it may be impossible to know what happened to some of the things hidden therein. The bow somehow got to Hercules, who could not use it with his Hydra arrows and so gave it to Philoctetes, the first of many to conquer Paris. To Lemnus and Troja the bow went, and then back to Italia, where Philoctetes consecrated a temple to Apollo in Cirimissa before dying in Sybaris. The impious Romans seized it from the temple after the disaster at Quiberum, and brought it to Britannia, only to lose it to the Cornovii; it was next seen in the possession of Tristan. At Tristan’s death it passed to Isolta’s family, and then to the Hibernic monks, who sent it to Roma, for the papal treasury. Thence it was stolen by Ferumbra, but he could not get it to fire the arrows he wished it to, and he was forced to abandon it in his flight. It was taken north as spoils to give to the Saxonii, but disappeared along the way. ¶Juno (in contrast) gifted a throne, which stayed in Thebæ until its gates were destroyed by Alexander. The Macedones had it sent to Ctesiphon, where it was all but forgotten in the hullabaloo of the Diodachimachia, its power dormant and unknown, until victorious Arabes carried it to Cupha. Later Almucter activated it, after which it had to be carried around veiled, and none could sit upon it. It remained empty, like the mercy seat, when the Abbasicii moved their capital to Cupha, to be near an item sacred to the memory of the avenger of Alius, and they brought it back to Bactad. ¶Now, the necklace of concord had been forged to celebrate the birth of Cupido, and given earlier by Juppiter to Cadmus’ sister before Venus brought it to the wedding; its passage through the bigwigs of Thebæ is covered elsewhere, and after the Epigoni it ended up among the treasures of Cyrenæ, and taken to Apollo’s golden palace. ¶Mercurius’ caduceus of sleep (not a lyre, as some have said; Cadmus had his own lyre) ended up at Cyrenæ pretty quickly, among those whose eye winks never. ¶Mars’ gift remained in Epidamnus through the changes, its original name, indicating it was as sharp as a viper and as hard as a stone, corrupted into the macronic Echisaxum; when Theodoricus plundered Dyrrhachium, he took it and called it Eccisax. Virginalis, of course, took it with her ring to Hierasponta, never to be seen again. ¶But Menerva’s robe was hidden deep within the city, and never left, any more than the multihued robe Phœnix had picked up on his way from Carthago to Palestina. These are the treasures of Dyrrhachium, and they are somewhat less than its horrors.

Hercules had another bow, the Lesanus, with a chain for a string, which he had brought back from India and which he gave to his ophidian son Scythes, youngest son of the ophidian Scytha. The other ophidian sons got envenomed arrows and some Indic bronze bows; these they brought to Hiberia in search of Bebrix, ophidian daughter of Hercules and Pyrene. You will perceive that this is their half-sister, but such are the ways of Scythæ. ¶Hercules handed these arrows out like candy for a while, so copious and diffuse was the blood of the Hydra. Philoctetes, to his chagrin, carried some around even though he could not fire them. Pholus had one briefly. Etc.

The Trisula was found in the temple of the Destroyer by Alexander’s general Cleitus the White. He dedicated it to Neptunus, as was tradition, and used it to be invincible at sea until he was slain by Lysimachus in Thraca. The Trisula was buried with him, but was dug up by the Emperor Nero, who defeated a most unwarlike Amazonis to claim it. He brought it to the east, for his many adventures there, and it disappeared from history along with him, although some say it was returned to the grave of Cleitus, where it belongs.

The spear Telegonus used to kill his father had been forged by Volcanus at the instigation of Circæ. For its head, he used a stingray the triton Phorcus had slain. Telegonus carried this spear not to Ithace, but the mainland, and then overland to Italy, where he founded Tusculum. The spear was deemed too dangerous to use, and was buried with him.

Argalia, prince of India, came west to seize warriors to fight against the Tartarii; Ferumbra slew Argalia, the plan failed, and Albraccha fell. What is salient here is that Argalia had IJ. of the items of Alexander with him: the horn of fear and the golden lance he’d used to slay Cleitus. He’d given it to Porus, but it was stolen from him by the Tagii, and passed among their warring factions, until Argalia brought it to the beloved of bovine Juppiter, as she is called. Astolfus of Mercia, Argalia’s captive, a better sneak than a fighter, slipped away with both, but, after he had become a tree, the Tagii of Polosce conclusively brought the lance north, where it remains. ¶Rolandus got the horn; the tree went to the moon after reclaiming his humanity. Sometimes these texts seem like the fever dreams of a madman.

The spear of Vaxas overcame the shield of Garsaspus, for while the shield blocked one end, the other end struck true. So perished Hamsas, uncle of infamy. With this spear Vaxas also slew the pretender Mosælma, who even the Musilimi acknowledge is a false prophet, and he was clad in enchanted armor (which Vaxas gave to his general Caled). After Vaxas’ death, other Æthiopes took the spear to their homeland, to try to claim it for their schismatic god, but in the mountains of Eritrea they were treacherously betrayed by the Judæi, who stole the spear and mastered the art of slaying with its twin blades, probably through trickery.

Noe’s spear was the spear of snakewood. He dropped it overboard, but it has been seen by some in the intervening years; yet its power makes it hard to carry. ¶His adze is in Constantinopolis; Artassis had fetched it from the mountains of Armenia, but, nemesis being what it is, viz. a bitch, he could not hold it long; by Dominus Deus’ grace, and despite the puling of Anahita, the conquering Persæ did not toss it into the Tacti Salomonis, where their god Haturcusaspus burns beneath the waters, for fellow Xpiani brought it to the safety of the impregnable land walls.

Some say the deadliest spear in Britannia is the poisoned stone spear of Isbaton, which Estultus the Orgilis wielded in his persecution of the dwarves at Fer, others Artu’s Ron, or Roncæminiadus. But still others say another one has been lost in Britannia, where no one can find it, and this one most ancient.

Herclius’ cap, with its ability to soothe sufferers of even the most heinous diseases, was in fact gifted to that emperor in a chivalrous act by the schismatic Omar. The cap’s origins are unknown, although the magical inscription found therein, “Bismilla arramani arra himi,” point to a Musilimic source, and the early date limits the possibilities. Mahundus himself had a silver ring (lost by Otman) similarly inscribed, so he may be its creator, even. In any event, the emperors of Constantinopolis kept the cap until the diadochia of Almutasim, who accepted it as a return gift after he magnanimously abandoned Amorium. It was buried with him.

The origins of the magical fortresses of Dæron are unknown, but certainly the diabolus Œus possesses several. He made one for the cursed general, or merchant captain, known only as a spiral or as the Syrus (both for his wanderings), who is better known for wrestling Samson and usually losing. He saw a lion filled with bees among the Philisthim in Thamnatha and built no fortress there, passed Tyrus and Cyprus and Gaza and he built no fortress there, but in the days of Pije he acquired from Œus a fortress as mysterious as the Syrus himself, somewhere in the sicarii-cursed desert.

The surmæ of Salomon was left by that king in Caph, and from there it was traded to the Racsasæ of India, where it was believed to be a fingernail of the god Valla, who is, if I understand this corrupt text correctly, regarded by them as the mother of Mercurius. Ptolemæus brought it back to Ægyptus, lost it to Demetrius in Lebanon, had it returned, and lost it at sea off Cyprus. Demetrius reclaimed not the surmæ but the pyxis it was carried it in, returned it to Ptolemæus, who passed it on to Cassander. Without the surmæ, we are as men chained in a cave, watching shadows prance on the wall. As, perhaps, we were always meant to be.

Ælfredus either created, or purchased from India, a gem for reading that which cannot be read. Its command word, in pidgin Hebræus and often misunderstood, is mechet gevyr.

The Mountain of Light is a gemerald originally given by Dominus Deus to Abraham, who wore it around his neck throughout his life. He had arranged, apparently by sorcery, to suspend it from the sun after his death, as a sign to the entire world of the glory of Dominus, but it did not hang there long. When Bacchus invaded India, Morrea the Black, confusing the different gods of the west, shot it down with Rama’s bow before he died (probably slain by Silenus in recompense for the slaughter of his sons, but the records are confused, listing Morrea at times as IJ. men). Bacchus brought the gem back to Greece as spoils, and deposited it in his temple at Thebæ, from which it was taken by Hercules during his brief stint as crown prince. Hercules brought it all the way back to India, where he lost it while drunk. Alexander claimed it as spoils, but it brought him nothing but doom, for it falls under the curse of the Bassarei, and as it is lucky for a woman so is it unlucky for a man. In either case, its possessor will become a great conqueror. The Morreans claimed it themselves by conquest and through hereditary right; Assoca conquered India as his wife wore it. It disappeared as the Morreans fell, but has resurfaced and submerged a dozen times since. It is still fought over in India, and is the cause of much strife; its current owner is the King of Hiampuduipe, who has affixed it to his crown to dazzle his friends and blind his enemies.

Of most ancient provenance are the Ceracrodili of Ægyptus, crawling out of tombs and turning to wax [in ceram convertens] in the hands of the wise. But much more ancient are the mysterious IV. humpizanes, said to be of the time of Suridus and Hujabus, lost forever in the labyrinth of Crocodopolis. When tales they could tell if they could be found, these repositories of the powers of the most ancient wizards! ¶But in our ignorance we must make due with accounts of more recent wizards: Ubavaner the Æthiops, Didius the Didusanafriansus, Pije the Nubianus, Nectanebus Ultimus, and Tutmoses whose staff has power over all living things, with significant resistance penalties provided the name of the wielder is written between the two horns, or hands, of the staff. The command word is manacpiria, but don’t bother memorizing that: the staff has been missing since a good ten or fifteen years before the holy family fled to Ægyptus. And everyone else has been missing much longer.

The elves of Hiberia possessed many items of power, which they buried with their kings among the many-handed dead, that humans should not wrest them from the grave. The Hibernic Etana plundered one such location, and came out with wondrous boots. After she had stolen the head of Sinamassota she found herself trapped in Maria, and had to slip out of the boots to escape. Zimrilim, predictably unpredictably, apparently threw the boots away, for a passing caravan brought them to Libye, where they were massacred by the free people to reclaim this treasure. ¶Etana’s famed cloak of the tarn, which was often assumed to have been of a matched set with her boots, is claimed by dwarves to be of dwarven make, but probably they merely modified the hood of darkness Perseus wore and Plato owned. Sicurtis acquired the cloak from the elven mage Alberis, and his daughter Aslaca was swaddled in it. It was taken from her after Sicurtis’ death, but its passage is by necessity largely unseen. What is known is that it reappeared in Britannia soon after, and kicked around Artu’s court, sometimes under the name of Lennus. That crafty Amer claimed to have had it next, perhaps brought to him, like so much else, by the peripatetic Benlaton. Its movements afterwards, their name is mystery. Now, Aslaca spent most of her preternaturally long life as a child incommunicado in the Marsenvelit, but when she surfaced again among the Gardani she had not only the cloak once more, but also a wondrous pair of shaggy pants. These latter she gave to her eventual husband, Racinar, but after he died in Britannia, she went to live with the elves, and lost the cloak to the wiles of a visiting Etana. ¶In her career, this worthy thief also acquired the magical sling of David in Hierusalem, Valsaxum in the Gotia, and the gladius of Belisarius in Costantinopolis, inter al. ¶Scæviben of Jason, we should note, claimed to have possessed a similar hat when by all rights it should have been, in cloak form, in Germania; but nobody trusts a Jomenic.

The Arabes, before they were misled, captured from the Persæ a sex robot named Ceris. Dominus knows where they got it, but their land is filled with ancient places and bottomless lakes and towers of silence. Haritus kept her to warn him of Persic assassins in Cirbata, but in the days of error the Musilimi noted that it was not a piece of fruit, and, calling it an image of forbidden Usa, smashed her to bits. She was said to be as cold and beautiful as the queen of Cyrpus.

Aslaca taught her daughters the secrets of weaving, and they created four magical banners, one of which their brother Uma brought to Britannia, which he rather predictably sought to conquer. The raven on the banner could speak and prophesy, but at Devon it could not see through the wiles of the exiled king Ælfredus, who fought Uma alongside Odas, but as was his wont in disguise, and claimed the banner as his own as he reclaimed his kingdom. Presumably his wife Elsuita still has it! ¶The other banners were carried by Racinar himself, Semidan, and Jævar the Boneless, said to be the strongest of men, but also the strangest, who rode on the back of the one once called Jævar, before his trip down the Volca; the explained what had happened, but it was weird and confusing, and didn’t really matter when the guy on your back could arm wrestle a giant.

Among the genii of the east, multiplex of wing and eye, the premiere magic item is the Zangala.

Britannia is home of many treasures, magical cauldrons and whetstones and a teleporting chariot and the Ring of Elunedia. Its greatest treasures are covered elsewhere (q.v.!), but worthy of inclusion here is the sword Caldabolcius, also called Galatina, which Gavæn used to slice the blue chains that held his king’s betrothed. Unfortunately, its provenance and properties are yet unknown. ¶We may also mention Artu’s shield Priven, made from the bones of an elephant, which was when he died taken by Alexander, who passed it on to his son Cligius; and thus Priven left Britannia, to be spelled thereafter with the II and the P.

Also Cligius, or rather his wife Phœnix, notoriously possessed potions of dreams and feign death, and the ointment of Cæoctomus. Less well known is the potion Cligius’ mother had brought, a safeguard in a distant land, from the treasure trove in the tower of fear of her own dead mother. Morcasa, the queen of air and darkness, had taken the recipe from the queen of Hibernia, or from the lees of a bottle found in the castle of Marcus in Cornova. But this potion never needed drinking.

The giant Feragus possessed ointment of Cæoctomus as well, which he had been given by Benlaton, shortly after the testing of Valentinus and Ursinus, nephews of Constantinus Iconoclastis (whose name is shit) and grandchildren of Pepinus. But the items these two acquired are covered more thoroughly in the entries for the flying horse of Sancsaber, the brazen head of India, etc.

Esarhadon wore the helm of the ichneumon when he conquered the paradisiacal island of the Dilmuni. Among the barrow-dwelling vengeance-obsessed Rommi, Palamedes found the helm. When he passed through Heracleopolis, everyone took off his hat, and saluted; in India, IX. men smiled. ¶He may have also ridden around on the arrow of Abaris; what is certain is that Palamedes wielded Harpe. In Ægyptus, they say (pace Hyginus) that Apollo used Harpe to slay Python, and then buried it near Lake Zætannus; Nenopercepta probably returned it there after he used it to threaten the King Apis of the South and North, for it is thence that Perseus dug it up, called it Gorgonophontus, and used it up through his war with Bacchus. Palamedes would have found it in Libye, or possibly Abyla, and he brought it north. He disappeared, of course, but the Fabri, apparently locating it some CL. years later, brought it back to the land of their origin, where Corda (the son of Dominus Superior Johannes the son of Johannes the son of Johannes the son of Johannes son of Johannes the slave of Cligius) found it hidden in the rafters after his father’s death. Corda employed in a semiserious bid to win independence for Illyria, backing first Illius and then Detius of the Sea as king, but he became embroiled romantically with Bellaterrena, and ultimately his only lasting impact on the legend of Harpe was that he carved his name on it in Greek characters. The Bugarii seized it, as is their wont, and through them it passed eastwards, where it was last seen among the Batsinecii, wielded by their eccentric king Curias. Surely reports that he had it barred and strung are the result of a confusion between Harpe and harpa [a harp]. But some say Harpe is older, still, than Apollo, and that the first snake it slew was the one that created Venus, if you’re picking up what I’m laying down.

In Persis, Faridan fought with a great mace, beating down—some say the devil, some say Prometheus. It was he who chose the command word. Bacchus took this mace on his way back from India, for he said it resembled in form if not function nothing so much as his thrysus. He set up a shrine in Naxus, where Minos found it while looking for Ariadna. He brought it back to Creta, and it was he who engraved it with a mnemonic, so no one who knew its provenance would forget the command. But Minos angered Potnia, and the Scepter of Naxus washed away in a tidal wave that presaged the end of Gnosus [terminum Gnosi] and an end of its lore [terminum gnosis]. Volcanus himself, they say, fished it from the sea, with an anticytheric mechanism, so enamored was he of its clever craftsmanship and many functions, and placed it in one of the storehouses of the gods.

The priests of Doner fought with magical hammers, some of which, accursed items! were blessed crosses with the tops broken off. But Clotho spun a different fate for one such hammer, for in the days of Constantinus Magnus, Athenæus Martyr seized one such hammer among the Rusii and consecrated it to XP by building a church with it. The pagans, crying “Perune! Perune!” soaked it in his blood, but they could not wash the holy off it.

Bitia, daughter of Pharao, was, like Henoch, permitted to visit heaven before tasting death, and there she found IIJ. sashes, known as the Spirit, the Creation of the Firmament, and the Glory of Deus the Father, or collectively, the sashes of the Chariot of Deus. These sashes were taken, some say by Maria, and passed down until they were given to Iob, in recompense for prior suffering. He ceded them to his daughters, who used them to learn, or craft, their book of hymns. IJ. of them were lost to history thereafter, but the middle sash ended up (miraculously) with Paulus, who brought it to Damascus. There it was left with Ananias, held underground until the city was openly able to declare it a relic, whereafter it was used as a banner. Under Musilimic conquest the banner’s origin was forgotten, and so it was a simple matter for one mad Arabs to steal it. When he was torn apart by diaboli, they took the shawl, that no one else should ever see what he had seen. Quite a merciful act for diaboli.

Days gone by there were ages of heroes; Moses and his party, the heroes of the Troic war, the Diadoci, the Fenniæ; in the V. century alone were born Volunder, Culvis, Etila, Adlis, Lupapium, Sicurtis, Rofus, Theodoricus, Artu, Palamedes, Tristan, Scæviben of Jason, Alexander of Constantinopolis, and Belisarius—and the famed warriors who served under them (Aganus, Hieltebrantus, Valtarius, Ortus, Brecchas, Lancælo, Boduer the human-handed, etc.) were mightier than the mightiest man today. All men save Alcædar and Ahasuerus must die, but their stuff—their stuff lingers on. Let us remember their stuff! and if we cannot emulate their valor and deeds, let us at least fetishistically attempt to collect what they once owned. And what we cannot collect we will memorialize in this Ezechiaca!

EZEXIAKΩN / EZECHIACA IJ.

To be found at some time.....

EZEXIAKΩN / EZECHIACA IIJ.

Updated A.D. CMLX.; incipit volume IIJ. of IIJ.

Let us dive right in. Iacobus Alphei wore a golden plate on his head, the Lamina. Fascinating.

In the interregnum between Helcius and his son Rofus, Adlis vengefully appointed a small dog to be Rex Danorum, vowing that he would put to the sword whoever was to tell him that the dog had died. Everyone was nervous and nervous until, sure enough, the little scrapper tried to get in on a fight between ij. larger dogs, who tore him to shreds. All drew lots and the shepherd Nix lost; he must go to Suidioda to tell the king. Along the way he stopped at Heleseja to seek the advice of La, descendent of Ægir, who tests with fatal tests all who come for guidance; and thereafter, when he met Adlis, Nix asked the king a series of riddles, until Adlis himself was tricked into saying the dog was dead. Impressed, and not about to kill himself, Adlis made Nix Rex Danorum. And Nix, it turns out, was a total dick. He oppressed and murdered, and levied taxes, and then he grew paranoid. He asked soothsayers how he would die, and when they failed to answer he put them to death; finally he decided to ask the giant La, but, fearing he would not again be able to pass his tests, he sent Rofus, the true heir to the throne, so that, succeed or fail as Rofus did, Nix would win. But Rofus, as was his wont, did pass the tests, and La’s only answer was to give him a pair of gloves for the king. These, upon delivery, Nix donned and was immediately consumed by lice. Rofus took the throne and Adlis had something new to worry about.

And of course, wafting, as in our wont, between lands and eras with the heedless unconcern of dandelion fluff, some say that Astyanax was not shivered into atoms, each atom then being driven into the ground so deep they even these could not be found, but rather he was spirited away to the west, where either he or his son took the name Francus; and Francus had his father’s or grandfather’s sword; but surely this is false, for Ajax we know acquired the sword, and later slew himself with it, whereupon it was discarded, as cursed, by the Græci. Penthesileja, who feared nought, claimed it and died; but Ajax and Penthesileja were chaotic at heart, and perhaps only Æneas could have used it truly, but he had his own problems. Amazones must have borne it east. Certainly Rugerius, father and son of Rugerius, owned it, whether he was descended himself from Astyanax, and Agolantus seized it from his defeated foe. His son and heir Almontus fell to Rolandus, its most celebrated wielder, who made the name Durindana a watchword. A holy sword of the i.° order, it was also renowned for its flexibility, for different faiths could fit into its hollow pommel different relics apposite to one’s own. Rolandus kept therein (gifts from Carolus Magnus and Maugris-Malagis) Peter’s tooth, Basilius’ blood, Dionysius’ hair, and a scrap of Maria’s blue robe, but presumably Almontus had had tufts of Mahundus’ beard and Hector flecks of Neptunus’ foam. Had Rolandus not gone mad, with love of the angelic one, and murdered so many, his sword would have still kept for him its holy powers, and he would not have perished at Spinævallis alongside Oliver, Astolfus, Turpinus, Sansoneto, Valtharius Amulianus, Batunius, Avis, Avollius, Odo, and Belingier. ¶Mandricardus, who had somehow lucked into Hector’s armor and had vowed to fight with no sword but Durindana, and therefore sported a series of axes and spears, did manage to steal the sword during Rolandus’ madness, but he in turn fell to Gradassus, for while both worshiped Mahundus, they were not of the same nation. Gradassus slew Florismartus, in the famed chiasmatic combat of iiij., but Rolandus triumphed, and reclaimed his sword in a surprise upset. And then…then either it was broken or it once again contains tufts of Mahundus’ beard, eheu! Let us hope that some enterprising paladin, on silvery wings, makes his way to the splendors and savageries of the distant lands of its holders, and reclaims it for XP.

From the east came the great shield some said once belonged to Alcimus; the Musilimus Alderufus lost it to Vivien at Cæsaraugusta. Vivien gave it to Guliemus Aureniæ, who gave it to Tetabaltus Berricus, who ignominiously fled at the earliest opportunity, so that bold Girartus seized it from him, only to die fighting Derame, who was in turn slain by his son, Renoars Magnus; and he took it west, along with the mail coat his sister Guiborca gave him, the man’s-length sword of Corsubla, and cccc. pounds of food.

If the bow Eurytus fashioned, when he taught Hercules to shoot, the bow he bequeathed to Iphitus, and Iphitus gifted to Ulixes, was magical, why did Ulixes not take it to Troja? Some say it was because he wanted in his wrath to do a half-assed job there. His sword, the silver sword of Euryalus, he obtained among the enchanted underpants of Phæcia, too late to bring to the war; and the veil of Ino, which he wore as a girdle, he obtained, and disposed of, not far from or long before that. Perhaps the only magical item he brought to Troja was the hemet of Amyntor, which Autolycus had stolen. Meriones inherited the helmet from his father Molus and later gave it to the grandson of Autoclyus. ¶But also there was the bronze ax of Peleus. It was fashioned by Zarpia, royal physician to Cisuanta, king of the children of Heth, and Peleus wielded it in the days before he acquired the sword that Chiron pulled a switcheroo to give him, or the great spear of Pelius. Achilleus rejected the ax as being the weapon of a coward, for its power is only useful when striking from behind (which is what happened to Phocus); but Ulixes accepted it, and lost it at sea, unless it be the same ax he swung on Ogygia.

Most puissant of all balms is Minia’s balm, she who fought the dragon alongside Dituartus. Listen not to those who ascribe its development to Ceogam, for such a mythical fellow never existed. Not found in Galaad.

Of Virginalis’ ring and collection of swords, most of which she lost, we have already spoken, if not at length. Key, though, to the defense of Hierasponta was her carbuncle, which had power not only over the mountains, but over their denizens, the dwarves, giants, and dragons.

Foremost among the elves of olden times, when Dominus smiled upon them and scorned the humanity that had erred at Babel, was Tinanina, Queen of Ubara, whose form her people celebrated in their art, not, as the coarser humans would’ve, with steatopygian pinhead sculptures, but stylized in full elfish gown. One such image became the focus of elven life-giving power, a celebration of health, beauty and splendor; but when Filiotinaninæ traded the ansata-imago to Menes, Son of the Scorpion, this is when the power of the elves began to wane—and the power of the image to darken. Menes called it the Ancus, and built around it, or exploited it for the perdurance of, a cult and culture obsessed with death and the preservation beyond wholesome means of the animus, or in other words undeath. With his Ancus he raised the undead, with his scorpion mace he struck them down! So baneful is the Ancus that those beholding it must flee in terror, and those standing near it wither and die, while its wielder slowly inches out of the realm of the living. Power has he over the undead, and power, too, to touch with the touch of the spectre, to strike with the flame the burns the flesh, and to construct for himself a throne of skulls, from which he may brood, and plot. It is the very antithesis of weal. And so it was hidden, by Ægyptiacs, when it will never be found, and cloaked by them such that it cannot be located or detected, or distinguished from the thousands of other cruces ansatæ that lie scattered over the old elven lands: Europa, Arabia, and Libya west of the Nilus.

Vilteper blackmailed a swan maiden into presenting him with a bracelet that doubled his strength (or, more specifically, weight allowance), though it also irrevocably made him a beast—until one of Dominus’ anointed welcomed him, in ignorance, as a boon companion. After that, his weight allowance was still doubled, so it may have been worth it.

Dust that dusted Rama’s feet, collected, can be used as a gorgo’s gaze. Iv. were the weapons he owned, Irimbica, Lauana, Cusana, and Sandracetana. The i.° is its proper name, for in honor of its element it is named after the yawning spirit that slew Viritra; the others are named for the sons and nephew of Rama, Laua, Cusas, and Sandracetus Laxmanas. Laua, founder of Lauapura, bore the weapon of water south and east to Dauarauatia, while Cusas passed his weapon of earth to the many generations of local kings he engendered; but air and fire were brought west as tribute to the conquering Hamsas, and the Arabes brought them against Ardabastus. Among his schismatic usurpers they are preserved as tokens of regnancy.

The poisoned lance of Drubiellus, with which he slew Aimer the cursed, which latter was bringing Vivien to lift the siege of Aurenia, was buried in the church of Sancta Dionysius in Alexander—of course I mean Paris.

Freja, Venus of the north, had a winged cloak, which Locus, they say borrowed. But Locus had shoes that ran over wind and water, as well as the innate ability to change shape into a bird, so the borrowing makes little sense. These are false gods anyway, so perhaps the whole affair is a metaphor; surely winged cloaks and pointy shoes exist now in the northlands, and their origin needs to be attributed to something.

A great mystery of Tyrus are the toad’s eggs of Abraham. Why even they are called this is a mystery, for Abraham spoke never of them, and neither do they come from nor produce a toad. Instead, each hatches into one of two things, either a wondrous toad-stone that shines like the sun or a deadly gryphus. Such was the beast who slew Ortnidus Half-elven, for all the magic that had been given him. From his secret father, king of the elves, he received an apocalyptic ring, later worn and used by Laurin’s wife Cunnilta against him, that revealed what had been concealed, and best of all the gold-and-glass sword Rossa. Topping it off was Magnajarder, as is called the girdle of Torus, a manus gloriosus, and some strands from the head of the terrestrial beauty, such as Simon Stellicus sought for Hierusalem (these were destroyed). He possessed in addition the wonderful Porine uhorsing lance later made famous by Argalia, although how it made it from India to Hortiemis and back to India is something of a mystery. Perhaps the Submeniani passed it back and forth? ¶But Rossa availed him naught, and the beast slew him, though some say only Rossa can slay the beast, though others say that the sword Somorondeger (q.v. vol. IJ.), or the bone of that Beelphegor who is god of the Etthei, or the saw of Isaias, would do the job as well. Lupo-Theodoricus did better, for he had been given the root of Raucelsa, which makes men strong, and had married her, Sicamina, whereupon he acquired a tiny protective shirt of areca-silk (but my! how it grew!), a ring of victory (later worn by Laurin himself, v. sub), a cap of darkness (Pluton’s, later passed to Sicurtis, though some say Laurin himself held it), and a sword that could hide inside a cane. Nevertheless, it took Rossa to slay the beast, whose young survived, though they be weaker and weaker as the ages wane—and then to marry Sidrata Tyria.

Cernunnus, if such a man ever existed, was the i.° to wear the antlered helmet, and the followers of Frejus, far traveling, brought the item north and then east. Across the frigid wastes it traveled, among the drum-beating people who have no names, and whoever wore it, he would catch among its antlers the weapons of its enemies. Their lives were like dreams, and their dreams were like nightmares. Bissenus gave it to his children, along with that other item of the north, the antler that strikes as a sword: woe to him who uses it whose heart is not balanced!

The cloak of the dindialus is traditionally trimmed with the fur of a beast of great price that has swum in the waters of Paradisus. Dindiali’s fur shone with all the spectrum of flowers (i.e. no green); cenocefali hunted dindiali in the shadowless land, shadowless, it is said, because in the dindiali dwelt all the shadows, such that none were left to fall upon the ground. One skin was brought to India by the nagæ, where the poisoned-fingered Braminij kept it, and passed it to Calchas, who adorned his lovely daughter with it. Diomedes wore it on his travels to Italia, and then in Libya he gave it, in exchange for freedom, to the princess Callirrhoe; as shadow he could have escaped himself, but only at the cost of his strength from the cold. The dindali, we hear, are now as extinct as the amphisbænæ, and the beast of great price, well, good luck finding any who have tasted the waters of Paradisus.

The most famous sword of Carolus Magnus is Jojeus, which later passed, by the inheritance laws of virtue if not primogeniture, to Guliemus Aureniæ; when it dulled, he used instead the sword of Alderufus. ¶The Aurea Flamma this worthy bore as well, that which was dyed in the blood of Sancta Dionysius, except when it was carried by Bertranus upon Serpentinus. But even then, we say for clarity, it had been dyed in the wine-dark blood.

All who see them desire the daggers of Nacurasico son of Telepes, which take the form of a youth and a maiden; only the most concordant of brothers could share them without sticking one in the other’s back.

Many an item inspireth fear. From the ruins of Ubara and Irim come the amulets of violet terror, from Iberia the short sword Colada, Faviner’s brown-and-red helm Ægisialmer, the Mavortius sword previously mentioned, etc.

Hemdallus’ sword is a commonplace for the head, and Hemdallus’ head for his sword, for all blows to the head it unfailingly parries. To him who wields it, all things appear as they truly and noumenally are, for Hemdallus cannot be fooled.

Torus’s hammer Moelner is the greatest of all hammers (sorry Iudas Macchabeus), and its pale imitation even brings woe in the hands of his faithful priest, for its thunderclaps can, applied with proper initiative, doom antagonists to inaction. Hand in hand with this hammer that assaults the flesh goes the weak twig that is a hammer to all dumb and inanimate objects; a gesture with it, and apieces they are tobrast.

At the funeral of Ofeltes, Bacchus, rich with the plunder of India and his own patrimony, threw a bonanza of funeral games. In the chariot race, Erectheus Rex of Athenæ claimed i.° place, and the goods of the Amazones, viz. the demilune buckler, a bow and quiver, and a captive queen. Sclemis the Neptunius came ij.°, and earned an enceinte bay mare named Bajarta; and not dam but foal was, in truth the prize. Actæon came in iij.°, and acquired the hunting clothes of Esau, that had been worn before by Nemrod, and which Adam had stitched full of gentle animals such as lions and leopards; his fate and Nemrod’s point to the danger of such togs. Achactes the Tyrrhidus took iiij.°, and won a heaping pile of mere gold. ¶In the boxing contest Melisseus, god of honey, defeated the son of Mulciber, who had years before been given what has ever after been called the magical girdle of Eurymedon by Mercurius. Eurymedon could float like a butterfly, perhaps, but Melisseus could assuredly sting like a bee. ¶Erechtheus Rex also won the footrace, claiming the bowl of Hiezabel, and the statue of Menerva. In ij.° place Ocutous won a winged mare, and Priasus, most famous for slaying octopodes in Phrygia, won a sharp sword-sling. ¶Halimedes the cyclops in the shot put won a plumed helmet and ij spears. ¶And finally, in the javelin throw, Ajacus won Indic greaves, and Asterios Rex of Creta won the living stones of India, which he set to guard the treasury of Gnosus.

Iij. stones Abraham cast at Satan, and one of these, later, Gabrihel stood on while he made a well for Agar in the desert. One stone Seffora sliced with, one Moses cast at his people in acknowledgment of Deuteronomium xvij., but the third, Gabrihel’s, David found, and with it he slew Goliath.

Iij. stones! It is from the Tros in the north that Tros the Dardanianus came; it is near there that the white bark of Ioseph of Arimethea (v. sup.) tended, and doubtless this is the ship that the queen of that weird and wintry realm, Sicamina, took in a long lazy spiral, backwards, not all the way to its land of origin, but to Troja, where she shifted through the ruins until she found the ring Hector kept around his xi.-cubit spear. There also she found Agamemnon’s cursed mask, which turned her into the mad beast-woman Raucelsa, but the ring passed, before she died in the north, to her husband and king Lupo-Theodoricus, so-named for he had suckled like Romulus at a wild wolf; from the Amelunci the skulking dwarves stole it, and Laurin wore it when he faced its former wearer’s namesake and descendent. As it had passed from Tros to Tros, so it passed from Dardania at last to Dardania—or at least near savage Dardania, where the dwarves teem innumerably, and there the ij.-eyed craftsman Jabali took it, and his proteges added to it iij. stones, i. red, i. milky, and i. green flecked with purple, and enchanted it such that it could shield its wearer from the cold of winter, from the cold of darkness, and from the perishing of wounds. But greatest of all was the magic carven inside the ring, and inlaid in black and blue. Renardus, king of the foxes, for ever are the kings of foxes named, eyed it, and many Renardi have sought the ring, lusting for its power and beauty. But too well mortared are the castles of its keepers for their tricks.

Iij. stones! I. staved off the rigors of time, i. staved off rigors categorically, and i. makes a face shine with beauty. This is the ij.° of the iij. rings of Nimua, greater than the ring she placed upon Merlinus to cloud his mind, but lesser than the ring she made for the kings of Lodonesia. It too had: iij. stones! I. of virtue like that she gave to Ogier, i. with the power of disguise, and the last with the power to protect from all harm. Liones gave it to Garettus, but insisted that he give it back, for she was jealous of her looks, and he was therefore slain, while unarmed, from behind, by a friend. Parsifalis accidentally (for his helmet and his pants were on backwards) stole it from her, and managed to die anyway, at the end of his great quest. Bors brought it back to civilization, and along on the ill-fated expedition west, and, after everything fell apart, and he stood idly in Gallia while his friends slew each other, he brought it with him to Libanus, where he sought news of his missing friend Palamedes. What became of Bors is lost in time, but a certain Organata must have found the ring in Libanus, for she gave it to Eglamo years later, who brought it back to Brittania, whereupon Nimua cruelly tricked his son into marrying his own mother; and she swallowed the ring.

Iiij. stones! In the days when reigned Artu, Fredericus of Brittania Nova helped the deposed dwarf king Manritus reclaim his kingdom of Carlamitus; in exchange Manritus gave the noble a ring of iiij. gems: the i.° proof against fire, the ij.° against water, the iij.° specifically against swords and their specialized functions, and the iiij.° allowing one to assume the appearance of an animal. It is by the iiij.° that he was able secretly to woo Princess Floria of Hibernia, by the others that he was able to avoid drowning, auto-da-fe, and the dreaded snicker-snack at the hand of her father. Manritus also possessed a tent pole tipped with a gem that shone with dazzling brightness; Rollo the walker, when he got his hands on it, was able to use it as a club, because, you know, it was just a dwarf-tent and all, and in his other hand his terrible lion shield of Caldonia, which Ronual brought to the north. But as there are few to no lions in Caldonia, the shield may have originated elsewhere, perhaps in the formerly lion-ridden Cambria, or perhaps further south. Of course, as long as the shield was in Caldonia, there was one lion, at least, in Caldonia.

Most dread and damnable of magical wands is the wand of Sisyphus, a pliant reed topped with an Uroborus. Who would be wicked enough to use this thing? Last seen in Ugandia.

Asamas, his mother cried, seek not thy father’s killer! But he held her hand in boiling porridge, the old songs say, until she revealed it was bearded Telegutus, bearded Telegutus who must die. Dangerous was the bow Asamas drew from his father’s trunk behind the boulder, the old songs say, for who puts it over his shoulder flames but does not burn, and who fires it risks sundering in ij. But more dangerous yet was the sword Ciataun, the self-severer. Despite the danger, Asamas slew bearded Telegetus, and married his widow. So the old songs say.

David’s fingers, clever on the lyre, had this ability as well, that they could mold metal like clay. He invented chain mail, and the suits he crafted fit as snug and soft as gossamer. Only the elves could craft their like. David also possessed a magic reed which, if touched to a bell while the truth is spoken, issues a sound clear and loud; How rarely it peels, Salomon said snarkily.

The dwarves of Hortiemis made for Alpartus armor that protected specifically against missiles. Normal ones, at least. Hamas took it after Alpartus’ wicked death, which means the giants, who could not wear it, doubtless obtained it, when they surrounded him as he had in his day surrounded Alpartus.

Agamemnon held the treasures of the house of Atreus: the fearful gorgon-shield, the great spear, and the triple-headed dragon scabbard whose weapons are themselves triple. Cinyras of Cyprus gave the king a bronze breastplate whose iij. dragons protect against red, blue, and white attacks, to support the war against Troja; he also sent small clay ships under the command of his son Mygdalius, but these were misunderstood as a dido, and Mygdalius was slain, and the ships remained clay. As recompense, Orestes, who never left a debt unpaid, gave the ships and the breastplate back, and the other arms of Atreus as well, for he had wearied of war, and he had slain Neoptolemus in a temple, which could not be good luck. Some say Orestes kept his father’s spear, and some say there in the temple he took Achilleus’ as plunder. Cinyras’ father-in-law took the arms of Atreus when he went in search of the lady of the doves (who must be Venus, no?) for the secret of immortality, which his wife already enjoyed.

Maugris-Malagis, cousin of Renaldus, had a collection of magical powders: one that made men sneeze, one that made devils sleep, and one that caused those sprinkled to appear as beggars. Renaldus benefited from the poweders oft, but himself valued more the wavy sword Flammaber, and, more than that, the stretching foal of Bajarta.

Hidden from sight have long been the magic of the Cretes, but let us except one breastplate of the Curetes, famed for the clashing sound it made, which obtruded upon other sound, and assaulted the ears of those who struck it. It was worn by Antimachus, who hid with his king within the Troic horse, and when he was slain by Æneas, the latter brought it to Italia, only to discard it at Latium, when his mother gave his something better. Galla later worked the breastplate into a proper suit of armor by combining it with those blessed bronze pieces, spotted all over with stars of David, that had been forged by Ieoachim, grandfather of the XP, and it is in this form that it was worn by Oliver, who with Rolandus, Astolfus, Turpinus, Sansoneto, Vatltharius Amulianus, Batunius, Avis, Avollius, Odo, and Belingier fell to the schismatics at Spinævallis.

It is likely that the Musilimi also then managed to obtain Ieoachim’s masterpiece, the brown sword called sometime Arunditus. This sword, one of the ij. produced at the last supper, was brought by Maria Magdalene to Gallia, where after a few centuries the king Pharamon, Artu’s friend, acquired it. He passed it to his son, the great king Ludovicus, and Ludovicus gave it to the greatest of knights, Lancallatus, who made it famous. So fast was his sword arm that the sword moved like lightning, and it was this, and not its thunderbolt powers, that got it the nickname Otaclarus, which signified “high lightning.” Gerardus of Vienna called it by this name, and he passed it to Oliver. If the Musilimi acquired it at Spinævallis, certainly they brought it east, where Erminus was last known to wield it, under the name Morgala, among the mountains of Armenia. From its crystal pommel comes its lightning powers, but the temper of its brown steel is what lets it slice through other swords. ¶The other sword at the last supper , incidentally, is doubtless Peter’s distinctive wedge-shaped sword of semi-sharpness, by which we mean that it severs only little things like noses and fingers. Ioseph of Arimethea brought it (not unaccompanied) to Britannia, where it stayed, in the minster he founded at Glastiberia. Gerontius found it there and brought it back to Palestina, where he gave it to his son Georgius. The Fides brought it from Nicomedia to Roma, where it lay forgotten among the papal treasures until Stephanus vij. brought it out. Iohannes xiij. has sent Iordanis to bring it to Miescus.

In the hand of Pluton can be set the darkest of magics: three charms of the nigromancer that can pass their dread powers on by insinuation, by which I mean insertion. A black dagger. ¶Black too is the Shadowblade Mernepatapirima, brought from Ægyptus by deathless Coseius to give to his champion; but his champion never came, and the sword passed to his slayer, Peter, the disciple of Andreas Protocletus, who saw in him the very image of his brother. But the image was a shadow, and Peter found the sword uncongenial to wield until a shadow passed over his face; the shadow that liveth in the blade!

Hierocles gave Zoticus a potion ostensibly of strength; but really of weakness, for he feared Zoticus might become Elagabolus’ new favorite. But it turned out Elagabolus was Elagabolus’ new favorite.

Ancile is the name of the shield of Mars, behind which he cowered. The kings of Gallia cowered behind it as well, until Lois lost it.

Dejanira is perhaps unique in her accidental creation of a dread magic item, soaking her mantle in the blood of Nessus. Thus ended Hercules. Morgana sought the mantle out and sent it as a gift (surprise!) to her brother, and only sagacity and advice caused him to place the mantle upon the innocent deliveryman, who burst into poisoned flames. Eager to get this thing as far from him as he could, Artu sent it to be abandoned in the wastes of Libya.

Ceres’ chariot of fire, it is said, had been constructed by Cicunci for the use of his Emperor Centon (in an attempt to imitate the remote actions of a certain Canno—these names are difficult to transcribe), but it slipped away from him and proceeded of its own free will to fly far to the west, where it was found, and donated, by worshippers of the good goddess. Ceres left it in Peloria, and frankly forgot all about it; after the incident she only returned there once, and that to bury Calligeneja. But the Argonautæ stopped in Siculia, and Medea brought on board the chariot she would later use to fly to Persis. It was predictably captured by Romani, who had an inadequate supply of dragons to use it properly, and now resides in the treasure houses of the pontifex. N.B. that the fiery chariot that separated Helias and Heliseus is a different one; it has flaming horses; perhaps that is the chariot of air that Lobaba of Domdaniel used to escape from the desert and Thalaba.

A peculiarity of peoples both of the far east and far west is an unwholesome and perhaps diseased compulsion to make lists. For example, northern Britannia had of old thirteen treasures, of which we have already mentioned Dirnivin, the least ancient of the lot, and in passing the Guitbullus, a sacred item of the elves of Irem that passed to Britannia and thence to their Ibernic kingdoms, and then to the conquering Goti, and their conquerors in turn; among them, Abraham, son of Mahundus’ last surviving companion, was the last to use it. ¶Other items on the list include the whetstone of Tutualtuclutus, which can sharpen any sword to be as sharp as the sharpest sword; the protective coat of Padarnus Besrutus; the knife of Laupherdate, which strikes xxiiij. men with every blow, whether the wielder wills it or no; the cloak of Teca, which regenerates body parts in gold, among a people who can usually only craft them of silver; the dread cauldron of the giant Drenacus; and the ring of headless Eluneta, which, as above as below, covered the wearer when it was itself covered. Ovan wore it on his hand opposite the ring of the raven. Etc., etc.

In neighboring Hibernia can be found items brought by the elves from the far shores of Libya: the sword of Nuadas of the Silver Hand and the spear Areatarus, which is also called Luina or Crimallus. Celticarus wielded it often, but so treacherous was its use that few kept it long, for it needed always to be soaked in a cauldron lest it burst into flames, wreaking terrible agony on one’s enemies, and also on one’s self. The Deisi used it against Cormacus, Filiocectus used it against Cuscretus, Fedlimin used it against Dubitacus. Everyone, in those days, was always catching fire or setting others aflame. ¶The one Xpn treasure of the land, newer in coinage, was the Lorica, the armor fashioned by Patricius, or at his command, to beguile the druids, in the form of the “cattle of the Fatæ.” For it was into this form that the wickedest of druids, Ferdoricus, would turn his victims with a hazel wand! ¶There are no dragons.

Ajitsæ are the dread weapons of the Narti, worn by Shebanquo.

Alberis was profligate, and had little to pass along to his foster sons Valdun and Egeris (did Alberis ever associate with other elves?), which is why, perhaps, their underground kingdom fell to the giant Sinotas, and has been effaced from history. No such peril in the case of their neighbor Laurin, whose magic hoard has already been alluded to.

The crown of the southern throne of Odo, known as the iron crown of Longobardia, is of ancient provenance, but was found, in postdiluvian times, by Queen Theodelinda Longobardiana, an unfortunate epithet for her. She converted her people to Xpnitus, and in exchange Gregoria Magnus Pontifex Maximus gave her a true nail from the true cross—given to him by Constantinus, who received it from his mother, of course—to affix to the crown. Theodelinda may have thought the resulting relic too great for the small men who ruled now an area that had formerly fallen under the sway of Constantinus, Ortnidus Half-elven, and Theodoricus, for she set the crown in Monsa, where few dared to heavy his head with its weight, preferring the rite of the spear, until Carolus Magnus, never one to do things halfway, crowned himself king of all Italia with the crown. It has since sometimes been stored in Monsa but more frequently worn by those who would style themselves western emperor of Rome. The iron crown of Avallonia, a device that chills and slows the blood of all, is a shadow of this device.

Unicorn’s horn, powdered. Hermæ. Lingæ. The girdle of Priapus. All sorts of options. I’m just saying.

Gramma, Gulfius says, was given by Odin to Sicamon; but it broke in his hour of greatest need, and was reforged by Regano. Sicurtis brought it fame, and indeed for him it never broke, for he was assassinated too soon. Bloody-handed, i.-eyed Hagano kept the sword, at least for a while, but he may have been obliged to return in to Gutruna, also known as Crimilta, who brought it to the east and passed it to Rocierius, for she knew he was destined to battle against her brothers. But all did not go according to plan, for Rocierius passed it back to his son-in-law Gisler on the occasion of his wedding, and indeed Gisler killed Rocierius with it; but then it broke. Hieltebrantus, fresh from that fight, took it to the Gotæ, where it was reforged again, perhaps by Vitegus. Was it with this sword that Hieltebrantus slew his son? For whom did it break next? Unlucky is this sword, and he who hands it to a friend is as like as not to have his arm hewed from him for his pains. It was at one point laid upon the grave of Sicurtis, but surely it did not stay there long. ¶For even the dead man’s armor Guntharius could not be restrained from wearing, and Theordoricus claimed it after the massacre, passing his lesser helm, Hieltigrimus, to Hieltebrantus, in favor of one scarlet and buff.

There are bodies, such as Alexander’s, that have great power, and indeed some hold that the bodies of Iudæi are of magical potency—hence the face parade in Roma. Abraham, Sarra, Isaac, and Iacob are all buried in Speluncaduplex, and potent indeed must be its soil. Ioseph, at Pharao’s cruel instigation, originally was buried in the Nilus in a coffin of lead, to thwart all attempt to locate him, but great in lore was Sara, and she remembered the burial place and told Moses, so his body could be returned from exile. In exile forever remains Danihel, however, for he was buried on the banks of the river Sahura. The Judaic merchants on both sides of the river struggled, sometimes violently, over propriety of the body, and finally settled on the amicable solution of digging it up and swapping every year. Almanser found the practice disrespectful, and encased the body in a crystal coffin, which he suspended from a bridge halfway over the river. None are allowed to fish within one mile of the bridge, for whatever reason; the lands of the Musilimi are filled with such taboos, such that there are whole regions of Bactad where fishing is forbidden.

Mercurius two winged devices wore, the Talaria, which he leant to Perseus, and the swifter Petasus.

L. Septimius Bassianus was obsessed with Alexander, but failed to understand his magnanimity. He consecrated in the temple of Serapis in Alexandria the sword with which he slew his brother and coemperor Geta. On the anniversary of this deed, the emperor would return to Alexandria, and there fall into a fury in the temple, massacring everyone indiscriminately. His high station and vaunted Gallic cloak protected him from reprisals; until, a month after one of his fits, he was caught with his pants down. His cloak was left in a privy in Carrhæ, but what became of his terrible swift sword?

Whether weapons pass from the gods so-called to men is extremely doubtful, and perhaps no one will ever possess the Ægis or Moelner. But many swear that among the Thomasics the sword called Asias, because it is the sword of Asia, was i.° passed among their gods and then passed to humanity, passed on from Manus (another name for Noe), to Supas (another name for Sem), to Ixaco, to Pururavus, to Ajus, to Nausas, to Iatius, to Purus, to Amurtarius, to Bumisarius, to Barattas, to Ælavila, to Qualasa, to Camborius, to Macchucundus, to Marutas, to Rautas, to Quanasas, to Racus Magnus, to Haranas, to Sunacas, to Usinaras, to Bojas, to Quaduas, to Sivi, to the Partatanæ, to the Astacæ, to the Baratuæ, who died out with Drona, to Cribacarias, to Naculas, to Niramaitras—but now the enumeration grows tiresome. The eyes fail, the hand enervates. How long must this pathological cataloguing go on? Perhaps, at this point, the gods should just take their sword back, take them all back, all these things of which we, mere humans, are unworthy. Perhaps Ezechia was right, and all such magic should be destroyed, lest we be foolish enough to try the ancient evils that tempt the weak: the damned hand, the damned eye, the damned teeth! Let us draw, therefore, our survey to a close, fittingly, in desperation and despair.