Finding lost thread and tigers in the forest

I apologize, but I am not sure what time it is.

Well, when you’re right you’re right. The weasels have infiltrated everywhere and everything. They know all, and their spies can hide anywhere. Happily they are as benevolent and just a species as their coats are lustrous. And we all know that where weasels will, there’s a way. So, as long as they’re willing to be on the side of good (of course they are, they’re weasels!) then we’re at least not out of luck.

So, we start following a friend, Saint Simon, who climbs off of his pillar to track the pooping weasel when a bunch of tigers in the trees start attacking us. Now, I’ve seen a thing or two in my day as a forest dweller, but never tigers in trees. I try to catch mine by it’s toe, but end up whacking it with my flail. The leads to some misunderstandings, and we swat at one another a bit until Marcella calms everyone down. She just has a way with cats. Funny how we ugly ones get along with animals so well. Vanity just stands in the way of communication sometimes.

The tigers inform us that a vegetarian has hired them to attack ne’er do wells---but also told them that anyone who enters the jungle is a ne’er do well. Shortly thereafter Zombres spots this guy and Marcella entangles him. He starts shouting in a language no one speaks, so I tongue it up and we parlay—over bean soup! Oh! before I forget to mention it forever, he is friends with a plover. Gwyn watched that bird watch us during the tiger spat.

So after some friendly chit chat, this fellow indicates that his name is Azhimen Wong Zhu – and he’s looking to find his master. See, there is this statue that bleeds, or weeps, or, you know, water of some sort comes out of that stone whenever his master is in danger. His master, Dong Shaun Sho Chu, is one of the nine unknown men (so, I mean, they aren’t even that unknown individually—this guy knows one of ‘em). This danger means either that we’re on the right track, and there is a traitor, or we’re on the right track and He’s the traitor and we’re going to get him. Either way, we’re on the right track.

There’s a lot of chit chat about nine other men—persons of monsterous mean. I don’t follow much of it because—I mean, how could I? I’ve only been hanging out with these guys for a few months, and they know everybody. We get a few minor details about Dong Shuan, whose warm embrace I miss already. He’s from Dong Suan mountain. His followers can speak to giant eagles and fly places.

Oh yeah, that guy, he had a really dumb plan (which, to be fair, is better than our plan which, as far as I know, doesn’t even exist). He was going to cause earthquakes in order to realease a demon that just makes everyone enlightened right away by breaking their legs. I guess if you break someone’s leg just right they figure it all out. I’m guessing that what really happens is, Jesus, he’s so compassionate, that when he sees the pain they’re in he visits them to help heal them and help them cope. This means two things. 1—it’s pretty coercive, and I don’t like it. They say you can’t coerce Jesus—but if it’s in his nature to care, then you can sort of indirectly coerce him. 2—that it must be basically the most painful thing you can do to a person. This must be the worst leg break ever. I wouldn’t want it. But then again, Jesus just visits me, so maybe my brain isn’t seeing things right. I would definitely want it if he hadn’t. No pride of mine is going to make me fall into an inability to empathize.

So, this demon was going to somehow cause enough, anti-harm???, that Dong Shuan Sho Chu was going to just zip back from wherever he was to stop it, and then our pal could warn him. I’ll give him this—I admire his commitment to his principles, even when they force him to choose absurd means. This is one cool cat.

Okay, so then there was some more talking about people I don’t know. Nathu the frog is a wild man—whatever that means.

After that Zombres reveals his sneaky plan. He calls V, offers to bring back her lover on three conditions. Rather than accepting those conditions and getting what she wants, V decides to just tell us that we should go to Shenigar if we’re wanting ot know about Utpala’s thugee plans. How that makes any sense at all, well, I’m not the one who needs to understand these things. I just have to write them down and burn them so that you know what I know. You’re the one who has the vast powers of comprehension Chung Quel, you and the weasel that you no doubt keep in your court. I’ll bet you have an army of weasels to out sneak Lao and his army of gross horseshoe crabs. Anyway—thanks again for helping us out that one time! Or, wait, that is a little too informal. Thank you once again your honorable personage for having aided us in our time of need. Ever your—what am I to you? Certainly not a servant. But, you wouldn’t like Pal. Ever a pair of your eyes, ears, and hands! Diogenes!