Who is this Jerk?
6:00 PM June 17th
Well, that first trip through the cave was a bust, more or less.
First we are guided by Jaspath, and it seemed like we almost convinced him not to kill us, but instead he did. There were these weird baboon-hyenas that scared the bejesus out of me and Gershom. We fell into some holes with spikes at the bottom. Arben, though, he found some really awesome gymnasium in one of them. It ‘worked his core’ and he was able to lift Gershom like he was a feather. I thought it was some magic trick, but then later he was able to lift an enormous portcullis. I don’t know if that gym was only in Germshom’s hole or what. I just got some lance-of-longinus’ wounds in my side (no stigmata ☹), nothing major. Well, I thought I was going to die, and I prayed apologetically for not having served him as well as I could have. If I had stigmata I definintely would be sure that he saved me. But, now, I don’t know, maybe I just fell right. In either case, I’m still going to serve that dude better.
Then there was this room where there was a like zombified Shedu, and we were trapped in with it—only we found a way out. Then Arben fireballed an ambush and we were back in the treasure room, but we’d lost Jaspeth. So, we went up the other road and found a weird glowing hyena that laughed in an uncomfortable way and a troll. We gave them Mu’s gold and they sent us to the garden of death—a place where a bunch of dead things tried to kill us but were themselves---made more dead? I don’t understand. In any case, while there this pasty-faced fire worshiper named Angermanger or something showed up and tried to help. I mean, he mostly got in the way while we dispatched everyone. I’m gonna have to figure out how to deal with this guy. He’s a paladin, and I never trust those guys. I know that Jesus is on the side of fire because of my dirty hands—but I am no longer sure that agni or whatever they call their fire god is just Jesus in a disguise. Maybe I can get this guy to see the light. I’ll probably turn up the ole’ Diogenes charm and he’ll be a neighbor-loving Christian before the week is out. Friendship melts the coldest hearts. Wait—what kind of a heart does this guy have. Paladins are cold hearted—but he is a fire worshiper. Does the fire warm his chilled heart? How could a fire worshiper even be a paladin? Isn’t fire to racous and undiscriminating for that? Pfft, I don’t need charm, I can just point out the obvious contradictions in his faith and he’ll see the light—that the faith of the person who pointed out his error is clearly the right faith.
Anyway, we went back to that temple to talk to the reasonable sounding old dude after we got out—taking Gwyn out of his tree on our way back. Capitan anger prayed to the fire while we were there and then told zombres something that threw him into a tizzy and he went back to Chrisopolis and came back with some garbage that has been scrawled all over it. He seemed super excited about it, so I guess I should replicate it here:
beg of you, great sir, exercise not folly! [...]en your doors -- of mercy [...] messenger -- you will find a treasure not to plunder but to preserve. Gaze throughout the wor[...] as though through a miraculous font, and see the great ninefold circle around kam-psoros: in Nis[...]aporoi at the Palace of Happiness, in Kermon at the House of the Hyena, in Chintai at the C[...] of Totares, in Alexandria at the Mound of Shards, in Dysdaimon Arabia at the Castle of[...] in Byzantio at the Home of the Precurser, beneath Paphos at the Cave of Orkos, in Dilmo[...] Tomb of the Rome, of ancient days have protectors been left, for dire was the prophecy spo[...] by Solomon. Neither by the fire not by water; to be but a seed; woe to the earth!
Little do we speak of it, for they have a saying over here: before I knew the law I knew not sin. I may not get along with them, but in this they were right, just as the ancestor of their god was right in creating these protections. For as cryptic as the suggestions may be; the suggestions are dire. And, really, some deeds should not be attempted -- or rather, some deeds cannot be undone. Who sees with one eye cannot see with two. You have followers who agree, do you not?
At the feet of my master Zosimos did I learn these secrets, and many other secrets besides Y[..] they say, are privy to knowledge hidden since the days before the first Olympiad. Surely you know something of this? Surely you will not knock down the fence posts? Woe, with no fence!
Tread carefully for you are not on holy ground, but unholy, and here the dark shall keep out the dark, as the fire may keep out the fire. If I speak in riddles, have you the wisdom to hear?
A little thread, perhaps, in the tapestries of protection that hold the world together the masters our world [...]e forgotten much, for they concentrate too greatly on the light, and on one power. Sergious [...] cronies may hold miraculous mastery over the weather but scattering Abarous [..] may be [..] you keep [..] nent [...]
I don’t know what any of this means. Maximus was always a pencil pusher and never cared to get his hands dirty or help any real people. But, what am I? I mean, I help a lot more non-christians now—but is it really help I give them? A few beans, and a few words about Jesus—but not enough that they can really come to know him. Wait—maybe that’s it! Maybe Jesus just wants me to go around and meet as many people as I can and tell them about what a cool guy he was, so that when other stories about him come by then they’ll be like – OH JESUS I’VE HEARD OF THAT GUY. Okay Jesus, that’s how I’ll serve you. And then, that must be why Angrypants is here, because then I can have a longer-term conversation with someone while I’m doing the mini-help. Okay! Let’s get to it!
