Final Letter of Rabbi Tarphon

The year 3896, I, Rabbi Tarphon, dictate:

 The time is short, the labor vast, the workers lazy, the reward great, the master pressing, and we, the only remaining members of the force sent by the messiah Simon Bar Kokhba to steal the forelocks of the nafka Asherah, find ourselves, after innumerable perils, now, on our return journey to Jerusalem, trapped in this cave, surrounded by Romans.  That our mission is fercockt was perhaps my own fault, for I attracted too much attention when I got into that fight with the Nazarene nebbish Justin in Ephesus.  And perhaps I was a little   excessive when I burned quite so many gospels in Philippi.  I fear Rabbi Akiba, who bested me in so many dialectics, was finally wrong when he assured me I would have success in my mission.  Pray G-d he is not also wrong about Simon Bar Kokhba!

 But Akiba could not be wrong.  I remember once, when I gave him some money (for who in Jerusalem was richer than he, save I?) to purchase for me some durable goods.  He gave all the money to the poor and said, "Behold, the everlasting good you have acquired!"  He was always far beyond me in wisdom, and perhaps should have been entrusted with this mission, instead of me.  But of course he is over 110 years old, and could scarcely come along.  So many have perished, and we are all fershlugina.

For a long time, perhaps, we could hide here, safely behind these dangers, but that would scarcely save Jerusalem.

The holy scrolls I will hide here, lest they fall into the hands of the pagans, or, even worse, the meeskait Nazarenes. These might have saved us, but the Nafka took my eyes. Let those who would read them play Simon Bar Kokhba's game. The forelocks I will bring with me as we attempt to break through, for if, by chance, we escape the blockade, we will need it to bind the gates of Jerusalem against the siege that is certainly coming. I wonder if that little pisher Justin is up there among the Romans. I will smite him hip and thigh ere I am kaput. O Lord G-d, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee, only this once, O G-d! Let me be avenged for my two eyes! I will give him such a zetz in his kishka.

But a bi gezunt, I guess. We are not obliged to complete the work, but neither may we shirk it. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our G-d, the Lord is One.