Final Letter of Rabbi Tarphon

 The year 3896, I, Rabbi Tarphon, dictate:

 The time is short, the labor vast, the workers lazy, the reward great,
 the master pressing, and we, the only remaining members of the force
 sent by the messiah Simon Bar Kokhba to steal the forelocks of the nafka
 Asherah, find ourselves, after innumerable perils, now, on our return
 journey to Jerusalem, trapped in this cave, surrounded by Romans.  That
 our mission is fercockt was perhaps my own fault, for I attracted too
 much attention when I got into that fight with the Nazarene nebbish
 Justin in Ephesus.  And perhaps I was a little   excessive when I burned
 quite so many gospels in Philippi.  I fear Rabbi Akiba, who bested me in
 so many dialectics, was finally wrong when he assured me I would have
 success in my mission.  Pray G-d he is not also wrong about Simon Bar
 Kokhba!

 But Akiba could not be wrong.  I remember once, when I gave him some
 money (for who in Jerusalem was richer than he, save I?) to purchase for
 me some durable goods.  He gave all the money to the poor and said,
 "Behold, the everlasting good you have acquired!"  He was always far
 beyond me in wisdom, and perhaps should have been entrusted with this
 mission, instead of me.  But of course he is over 110 years old, and
 could scarcely come along.  So many have perished, and we are all
 fershlugina.

 For a long time, perhaps, we could hide here, safely behind these
 dangers, but that would scarcely save Jerusalem.

 The holy scrolls I will hide here, lest they fall into the hands of the
 pagans, or, even worse, the meeskait Nazarenes.  These might have saved
 us, but the Nafka took my eyes.  Let those who would read them play
 Simon Bar Kokhba's game.  The forelocks I will bring with me as we
 attempt to break through, for if, by chance, we escape the blockade, we
 will need it to bind the gates of Jerusalem against the siege that is
 certainly coming.  I wonder if that little pisher Justin is up there
 among the Romans.  I will smite him hip and thigh ere I am kaput.  O
 Lord G-d, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee, only
 this once, O G-d!  Let me be avenged for my two eyes!  I will give him
 such a zetz in his kishka.

 But a bi gezunt, I guess.  We are not obliged to complete the work, but
 neither may we shirk it.  Hear, O Israel, the Lord our G-d, the Lord is
 One.