Riddles, Wonders, and Broken Rocks

May 23rd 7:00PM

So the deal was struck: in exchange for a riddle and the promise of some straight wisdom this band of adventurers would either murder an angel or bring some slaves to the aboleth that mockingly wears solomon’s flame as though t’were a girdle.

Before we send Booza to wait beyond the lake and we use her to ask the pommel stone what it is. Turns out this was smart, because we got a pretty nice story. Noah made the rock and used it to steer the Ark (bad ass!). Then a lot of his kids fought over who’d get the rock, there were a lot of fake ones, but this one is real. It really likes to point at things.

We then high tailed it out of this watery column (which, it turns out seems to actually be bottomless) and make our way to Shiz to stop Jasper and his band of bros form harming our charmed ass-dragon. Rather we take him to Ctisophon to meet Mu’rash after a good nap. They don’t give us any useful information about the fire of Solomon, but they do agree to go wait in front of the watering hole and vouch for our general positive-disposition toward all things Zoroasterian.

Okay, so I have to take an aside here. I rag on Zombres a lot. He doesn’t act with good sense often enough—but he is a smart guy. He solved that riddle in no time. We went to go meet a guy named Jurvanjur who was trying to find a 2 headed-bird with his pal Cabcaz in a stormy puddle in the Caspian Sea. I tried to do this by using the pommel stone, but it wouldn’t point at anything when I asked it to point at whatever those guys were seeking. I think we might have Shem’s fake rock on our hands (I never liked Shem). Arben fixed this problem and we ask Marcella to turn away (for reasons unclear to me). While her back is turned I talk to the worm on his sword. Maybe she was jealous because she loves animals but the gang knew only I with my palsy connection with Jesus could truly convince this worm to help us. I guess the worms puts the spawn of the sea to shame by convincing them to go wherever it wants them to go. Solomon used it twice for the same purpose and we will use it to send the spawn to the Aboleth (fulfilling our promise and killing as many birds with as few stones as possible). To thanks JVJ for parting with a powerful, if inconvenient, weapon we give him some royal jelly. Finally, since the day is nearly over, someone asks the rock where the holy grail is and it points north. I don’t trust Shem’s rock, though. Everyone saw that the ax was a little confused at first (before pointing north). It’s a lying rock.

We then go back to the pond (the angel, who now has the word of some bona fide Zoro-fire-partiers lets us by without any problems) where the Aboleth’s entourage is healed up and she’s cast some fake lying spells again that I disbelieve again. This time there was no increase in ugliness, but just some size shifts. After some chatting about the angel (where we don’t lie but we aren’t exactly forthright) & the impending slave-feast the Aboleth tells us about Hirumph Apheth. He was killed by three Masonic jews to get as his knowledge of the word—jubelah, jubelo, and jubelum by a 24’’ guage to the throat; a tea stone to the heart, and a gavel to the head respectively. The test is probably death and resurrection to get at the knowledge (but maybe we just have to kill him with those three weapons).

They kept talking about boring things like solmon’s mines and the first kind of Ethiopia and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Sometimes I think they don’t want to save the world they just want to know it. I did catch a fun story about Solomon’s 40 wonders. The first one is a room with a throne and an apple that’s half red and half green. When you stare at it all puzzled like it’s scent gets into your nose and you pass out and dream until you die a few seconds later, but it’s a great dream and lasts a lifetime. If you get past it you go into another room where there’s a picture that’s super beautiful. If you look at it you fall into a trance and a bunch of ghouls bludgeon you to death. I really want to know what the other 38 wonders are!!!!