The Danger Gang Beats Up Ireland (Metaphorically)

So here's the plan for the big VIKING VS. DRUID showdown, sez Zombres: see if Cathbad the firblog Druid will duel Ali the Viking king of some chunk of Ireland for the respective prizes of Ali stopping being king and Cathbad just leaving us all alone, thank you (and also breaking that curse on the soup Kolya ate). But just in case, everybody else gets buffed up too--good thing, cause it turns out Ali's exaggerated his levels a bit (OK, maybe it's the mainstream media that's done so. They *were* exaggerated, how's that?).

With that proposal in mind, the Danger Gang heads back out to Tara, noticing right away that the eponymous stone seems to be missing from its place. They also discover a hill with a door (magically trapped, natch); outside it sits an expectant-looking bird (more expectant-looking even than birds usually look) with a twig in its mouth. "Hail King of Birds!" greets Marcella, and birdiepants opens its mouth to speak, dropping the twig--the quick-thinking Zombres levitates and takes it before it can hit the ground. Says our feathered friend, "The guy you seek is inside this mound at the crossroads." Great! But rather than head through the door and battle the what-have-you on the way to Cathbad, the DG climbs to the *top* of the hill and digs straight down. There's a bloodcurdling shriek as a banshee scrambles away from the sunlight that rushes into the opening.

Inside, Cathbad's pretty surprised to see them; he explains that the severed human head lying next to him should have warned him when the twig hit the ground. A-HA! A little chat later, he does, in fact, agree to a duel, though he will not be involved: instead, he chooses three champions: a white cow, a big ol' rock, and a twelve-foot winged man with giant fists wreathed in flame. "One of These Things is Not Like the Other" ringing in their ears, Marcella, Kolya, and Ali square off against the foe. It's a rough fight for a while, but especially once Ali's sword starts singing a berserker-rage-inducing rally song, the DG and friend prove victorious. Cathbad then reveals exactly who his champions were: the cow, sacred to Ireland--no one who defeats it can become High King; the rock, Lia Fáil, stone of Tara--likewise un-king-making for one who smashes it; the scary dude on fire, Caoránach, chased from Ireland by St. Patrick. By a marvelous stroke of luck, Ali was only ever fighting the latter--so his technical magical credentials to maybe being High King remain unassailed.

Also, they resurrected the poor cow.