The Danger Gang Meet Two August Personages Of Albania

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The dawn breaks, and the Danger Gang looks out the windows of Can's Secure Shelter to see three giant eagles. Martialis finds out that they are here to take us up the mountain. At the top they are ushered into a tiny shack. Lying on the earthen floor of the shack beside a scythe is an old man with a long beard. This man is Baba Tomor.

Despite all the warnings of his guardians that the Tomor does not like to be disturbed, he actually turns out to be a friendly sort of chap. He drops all sorts of knowledge bombs on the crew:

  • The Dryad Queen's shadow never made it to Bhijimin, but was instead intercepted by the Goblins of Shushmushush. In response, the Dwarves of Bhijimin are attempting to form a union of Dwarves to kill the Goblins and reclaim the shadow. They are forming this union by force, having already conquered the kingdoms of Hair and Bhirtuk.
  • The Goblins are aided by some sort of black dog from Hell. It can change from a dog to a goblin and is apparently somewhere in the Monster Manual II.
  • The priest of the party of the Martelian Clan know about the Kukuth.
  • The King of Bhijimin is named Thurgrim Cavecricket. He wears a cursed suit of armor that is said to drive dwarves mad with bloodlust. He also has a pretty sweet hammer.
  • The Earthly Beauty's castle is guarded by a giant dog with three heads, a giant lion, and a giant lamb. She also has a pitch black manservant named Arap who is said to be quite devious.
  • The Dwarven war machines are quite terrible to behold (though Karl describes Gnomish war machines as, "hilarious").
  • Their are two opposing clans vying for the throne of Albania. I think they are the Moon And Star Clan and the Martelian Clan, but I didn't write it all down. In any case, the one that he seemed to prefer had sent their heir apparent off to China to marry a princess there.

They think the wise old man for all this great information, and offer to do him a favor in exchange. He longs to see the Earthly Beauty once more before all life leaves his old bones. They offer to try to arrange a meeting. They will deliver half of the Earthly Beauty's hair to her, and tell her that the Tomor has the other half. Tomor agrees, but warns them to watch out for the Beauty's capriciousness. He offers up his eagles to give them a lift out to her place.

After about five ours of flying, they find themselves on the south bank of a river. At there backs, carved into the very mountain face itself, is a magnificent palace. Lounging on the steps outside are a giant lion and a giant lamb. Marty starts shooting the shit with the lamb. The lamb agrees to pass on a message to her higher up and so forth through the ranks to see if the guys can get in. Soon, a tiny box floats out of the castle. Inside is a seed cake cut into three pieces. They stroll past the lion and lamb and into a great hall. Inside that hall they find a snarling dog, thirty feet in length, with three heads. Karl quickly tosses the three slices of cake. They scuttle past the dog, who eats the cake gleefully. In the adjacent hallway, they are soon confronted by a man entirely matte black. This must be the mysterious Arap. They explain to him the whole situation and how they'd like to talk to the Earthly Beauty if they could. He runs off, but says that if they're bored, they can hang out in an adjacent room. Listening at the door, they hear some gross noises and decide there's probably a monster in there. Soon Arap returns, his matte black features barely concealing his disappointment that we didn't fight his stupid monster. He says that we may ask three questions in exchange for our share of her hair. The questions and their answers are as follows:

1. Who is Ikulu? "Ikulu is an ungrateful bitch."

2. What are the Kukuth? "Kukuth is the granddaughter of an ungrateful bitch."

3. Is there anything we can do for you? "Where is the rest of my hair?"

The Gang tells Arap that Baba Tomor has the rest of the of the Earthly Beauty. Arap promptly leaves, leaving the gang to wonder whether they should wait for an audience with an overjoyed Earthly Beauty. They wait and wait and wait. Eventually, Gershom casts Divination, and YHWH tells them that waiting around is probably kind of dumb.

So, instead they try to invoke a bold plan to make it past that nasty three headed dog. YHWH mentioned that the middle head is the one to look out for. They make a break for it after Can casts Fumble, slowing the big brute down. It still almost turns him to stone with its terrible gaze, then vomits a horrible poison all over Karl and Barry Ceasefire. Still, they make it past, then right past the lion and lamb with their invisibility to animals going. Marty casts Cure Poison on Karl and Slow Poison on Barry. After a brief rest, Marty takes care of the poisons, then makes some beetles sooo big, bro. So big that they can fly on them. They fly south. En route, they fly past a platoon of dwarves, armed with crossbows. They start yelling at the boys, but it looks like they have no common languages.The gang decides it's probably best just to leave. Marty gets knocked off his beetle, but uses his bird powers to change into a bird. No problem.

Soon the mountains on the horizon are now up in their faces. They take refuge in a cave and rest for the night.

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