Valentine's Day Massacree (and Phoenix Auction) on the elemental plane of fire

We break the tuning fork and teleport to the elemntal plane of fire. It's hot and firey, in case you're wondering.

A female Efreet named Zahar greeted us at the gate and escorted us to the auction. On the way we had a random encounter with three fire giants, led by a jerk who called himself Baal-El, who live in the city of fire. They demanded to know what we wanted with the City of Fire, so we beat them up, downing one named Shad. We water-boarded him for information. There are 13 gates: Ishtar, Grand, East, Marduk, Zababa, Market, Samas, Uras, Akus, Adad, Kings, Lugalira and Enlil. Baal-El and company live there through the Samas gate, where there is a whole burgeoning fire giant community. We bribe Shad to help us out if we are in town later. He also mentions that there is a tree, called Athlee, that is the same in all version of the City of Fire, and the Samas gate at least has a portal to the Elemental Plane of Fire.

We go into the auction with the other 21 contestants arrayed around Curias and a cage holding the Phoenix. Folks and bids, if known:

• Lord Eblis, a 12-foot-tall crane with human hands. He bids a "nigh-infinite" army of crane people. He is also Evil.
• Emperor Zimrilim the Great of Mari. A lich on a throne, surrounded by icy popping as he freezes the fire around him. Also Evil. He was betrayed and slain by Hammurabi.
• Aegis of Libya, a really big, really old Red Dragon.
• Lady Nimue of Avalon, represented by Ogrid the Ale-Brewer. That dude is often all right.
• Lord Evelake of Enrobai. Known and loved by all.
• Dr. Yeuh Lao, Zilnu of the Kwenyuan of Iyan, represented by his foxy daughter (name?). He controls a lot of Chinese genies or something. He bids "the Zim", a collective of horseshoe crab-looking things that the owner can use to extend his senses.
• Bishop Piligrim of Passau, accompanied by Amethyst. They are actually Amethyst Dragons, and their bid is a breath weapon and big fuck you to Curias. They don't kill him, but they do ruin the party for everyone else.
• Countess Heriburg Ruodlieb of Intrigogna. Rumored to be a necromancer or demoness.
• Al Sirof, a badass Shedu. Nice guy, Lawful Good.
• Aleph, a sentient Clockwork Swordsman. Also very pleasant conversationalist. Claims to not be made by Hakim and pals, nor a certain Visigothic Lolita.
• Duchess Anna Ivanovna of Kiev. Fur hat is a little out of place on the Elemental Plane of Fire, but whatever. Claims to be there to see what Curias gets.
• King Natongo of Tungelu. African King, bids location of King Solomon's Mines and help getting the treasure out. Magic spear.
• King Danel of Abazulu. Friends with King Natongo, and they share the bid.
• Vizier Hal of Domdaniel. A human Moor who likes to be called "Vizier". Some say he is the wisest man on Earth. He bids a crown (of Dido?) and 1 milllllllion gold pieces. Actually V (Vvvvizir, get it?)
• High Priestess Sparkslinger of the Twa. Probably a Throkian, definently a high level druid, and also dead. Bid a magic tooth, and maybe where to find more like it.
• Prince Ibn Yunas and Princess Robia of Lesser Transoxiana. They've got all of Amar's stuff, plus the Sword of Iraj, the Devianna, and the Papyrus Shield. They bid a bunch of Amar's stuff, and want the Phoenix to help fight the Dev.
• Rudderch, representing the Druids of Wales. He bids the Crown of the Swarm Queen.
• Lothar, of the Dwarf People. Something is up with this guy. Maybe not a real dwarf.
• Naranavahanadata, Emperor of the Sorcerors. Famous for lots of wives, and interested in magic teeth.
• Brother Jampa, speaking for Rusty, who is a Cockatrice or Tibetian Fire Chicken or something.
• King Lugurix, who is surrounded by a weird invisible mist. He bids some retard jive and also the secret of Evelake's power. He disappears after his bid, not of his own voilition.
• The Following Alexander Party.
• Eorl, Ido, and Arben, who bids everlasting love and servitude, plus some butt-kissing, and some cursed/useless magic items and chump change.

Bidding goes peacefully until Piligrim and Amethyst turn into dragons and blow up Curias. Sparkslinger runs for the cage, only to be killed (no save!) by Ziligrim. She does manage to knock over the cage, revealing a fake phoenix and a hole in the bottom of the cage. Harald tries to get folks to take out Curias while he's down, and Al Sirof kindly Holy Words some Evil folks (Ziligrim, Eblis, ??) out of the jernt. Evelake takes off, followed closely by Ido, Eorl, Arben, and Al Sirof. They find Etain, who has stolen the Phoenix in a daring move. Evelake Power Word Stuns her and takes the Phoenix. Eorl, in a truely genius move, picks Evelake's pocket and swaps a fake tuning fork for the real deal. Evelake tries to break the fake one to get away, but he is left looking like a chump instead. [[Arben] Dispels Etain's Breathe Fire, and then everyone gets Feared by Evelake. He and Al Sirof fight, and Evelake loses, hightailing out of there. During the fight Harald and company show up and un-fear folks. We free the Phoenix, and get two feathers for our trouble. Ido flies off with the bird, looking very pleased, and the rest of us decide now is as good a time as even to go after Evelake's house. We hope Etain made it out OK.

Victory and no deaths. Unheard of.