Road to Kebnegard, Chapter Twenty-Four

It hurts
Sunday, April 22nd, 988 AD

We are dragged back to our inn by Sigrid's men after getting whomped on by Sumarliv earlier in the evening. Shara, however, starts to feel better. Vera still feels awful. We're getting worried about her. Maybe somebody ought to cast Cure Disease or something.

We rest at the inn all through the night.

A Really Bad Day
Monday, April 23rd, 988 AD

We bid Sigrid farewell and the Masons wave to us from the docks as we set sail on the Valgae Leya. We whip around Gotland and head northwest towards the coast of Sweden.

Four hours later, a flash of light occurs on deck and Jean-Claude appears.

Jean-Claude: Arm yourselves! Also, this totally isn't my fault!

He runs across the deck, behind the rest of us and a second flash of light appears on deck, and a second Jean-Claude appears on deck.

Jean-Claude 2: Flibberty jibbit! Nyargle murf burdor! Do the Rilly Dance goober!

Then it pulls a wavy sword out of its forehead and begins attacking us all. Since we're still feeling the effects from getting beat by Sumarliv, we're actually kind of scared, but it turns out for naught. Wong is the only one to go down before we defeat the Jean-Claude clone, which turns out is actually a slimy frog in diguise as a figurative slimy frog in Jean-Claude. How's that for poetic?

Reynaldo: Listen, I'm super happy to see you and all, but what the fuck? That guy called me a nerf herder, man!
Jean-Claude: That was Baba Iaga's fault, not mine. After I gave her the-- uhh, maybe you should let somebody, you know, go pad around below decks while we talk about things.
Reynaldo: Oh, yeah. You're right.

Reynaldo lets Isabela out of his coat and she goes below decks and hangs out with Wong, who's recuperating from her battle with the Jean-Clone.

Jean-Claude: Is this boat white?
Reynaldo: And I'm the captain!
Jean-Claude: Congratulations!
Reynaldo: Thanks! It's tough work getting these guys into shape. We have a sailor--
Jean-Claude: Okay, enough of this small talk. She's gone down.
Reynaldo: Small talk? This is important, man!
Jean-Claude: So, I went to Lybia and got the Staff of the King of Cats along with Harald, right?
Anna: Right, so I should be totally be cured now.
Reynaldo: You know, I was in the middle of something over here, although, Harald? Really?
Jean-Claude: Yeah, he's adventuring in the Arab lands with a bunch of people I've never met before.
Reynaldo: He didn't steal the Staff right off of you?
Jean-Claude: No, I left as soon as I got it. He didn't have a chance, although I'd like to think he wouldn't have tried if he had had the chance.
Reynaldo: Right...
Jean-Claude: Anyway, I take the Staff back to her, and she says I can take the ring off and it won't kill me. Sure enough, I take it off and I don't die.
Moishe: Hold on there, goyim. Baba Iaga, the old machashaifeh of the Rus, she's real?
Anna: Yes. She cured me of the extreme youth I was forced into.
Reynaldo: You try to save somebody's life...
Jean-Claude: I also asked her about some stuff. She told me that she wanted Snowflake to know that she now has the Staff of the King of Cats.
Reynaldo: I want him to know too, but I don't want him to know that you gave it to her.
Jean-Claude: I also asked her about the creation of the world and the if the empyrean was nearby. She answered, "Ikulu used to say that once the world was all water. The sky maiden fell into it, and floated there until the wind impregnated her. She floated, pregnant, for hundreds of years, until a duck flew by and, lacking anywhere else to build its nest, built it on her knee, and laid six golden eggs and one of iron. (Ever since, eggs have had an affinity for iron.) The duck warmed the eggs and hatched three, but they grew hotter and hotter until the sky maiden could bear it no longer, and moved her leg. The eggs all tumbled into the water. From the shell was made the earth and the heavens. From the yolk of one was made the sun, from the white the moon. I think the timing is off here. Anyway, as I understand it, Ikulu later changed her mind. I am concerned with other things than the creation of the world. Frankly, only a fool, when caught aboard a sinking ship, asks to know who built it. As for the empyrean, it resides beyond the firmament of the fixed stars. They better goddamn hope the firmament holds." She looked almost worried for a moment, then shruged it off. And for answering those questions, and for sending me here, she asked me to figure out what that thing was for her. Before I could say anything, she teleported me here, and then teleported the creature.
Moishe: What a schmendrick!
Jean-Claude: Yeah, you can say that again. Wait, who are you?

Jean-Claude is introduced to Moishe and Shara, as well as the ill Vera. We continue sailing, during which time Vladimir tells Reynaldo that the boats he has captained, the Valgae Leya and the Gafliaug, recently sunk in Vastergarn, have been sailing preternatutally fast. He doesn't think it's magic, he just thinks Reynaldo is a really good sailor. Reynaldo agrees that he's an awesome sailor, beautiful to behold, but he confides in the party that this might be an effect of one of the two Tarot cards he pulled. Probably the Chariot card. That seems to make more sense thematically than the World card.

After an hour's travel, storm clouds start to gather. Reynaldo and Vladimir think they can outrun them, and so they plan to leave the sails up until the storm catches up, if it does. But then Lord Evelake appears on deck. He looks exactly as he did the last time Jean-Claude saw him, which is with a tri-cornered hat, a coat with a high neck that almost covers his entire face. His empty, yet glowing eyesockets are still visible. He's wearing dark gloves, pants, and boots. The only difference that Jean-Claude noticed was a wisp of smoke that continually moved in and out, and all around him. It's pretty eerie.

Lord Evelake: Hurm, I don't recognize any of you... Oh, wait. (he points at Jean-Claude.) I recognize you. For a second there, I thought I'd come upon the wrong group of people.
Reynaldo: From Jean-Claude's quickly vacated bladder, I assume you are Evelake? Or should I call you Estoraye?
Lord Evelake: I've not been called that in a very long time. Longer even than when I last stood on this deck. But I have many names, young elf, not unlike yourself. Darktarn, Duskytarn, Shankmere... Pick one.
Reynaldo: I'll stick with Evelake. Why are you here? Jean-Claude says you only show up when we find important books, and we haven't found any lately.
Lord Evelake: Cannot a man look up his friends for old times' sake?
Reynaldo: Forgive me for saying so, but you have not been a man for quite some time, and you are no friend of ours.
Lord Evelake (chuckling): Quite true, young elf. Then let me tell you this: my masters, they've bade me come to you. It seems maybe you need to be taught a lesson.
Shara: Woah there, fella. I don't even know you.
Lord Evelake: And neither do I know you. So, I am sorry that I have to teach you this lesson.
Moishe: Before the lesson begins, you nudnick, who are your masters?
Lord Evelake: They are known by many names.
Moishe: Pick one.
Lord Evelake: Alright, I'll pick the ones that will make the most sense to you, Jew. I serve Raihab and the Lady Lilith. They hold my leash.
Moishe: Then you are no friend of the Jews (he spits at Evelake's feet).
Lord Evelake: No, I guess I am not.
Shara: Wait, who's Raihab?
Moishe: It's another name for the Leviathan, the great beast of the deep.
Reynaldo: So that's it then. You're just going to kill us?
Lord Evelake (chuckling): Oh no, young elf. Of course not. I'm just going to teach you a lesson. But let's continue this small talk for awhile longer. I do so enjoy it.
Reynaldo: Sure. Whatever floats your boat.
Lord Evelake: Long ago, when I was still known as Estoraye, I served only one master. But that turned out not so well for me. So I am loath to put all my eggs in one basket again, so to speak.
Reynaldo: So you're not going to kill us because--
Lord Evelake: Careful, young elf. The waves have ears.
Reynaldo: Okay, listen. My muscles have been tensed since you showed up, and if I don't untense them soon, I'm gonna get a cramp. And those hurt a lot.
Lord Evelake: Ever impatient, I see. Very well, I guess the small talk is over.

Reynaldo and Conrad spring at Evelake, but they both miss. Evelake says "Blind," and everybody save Jean-Claude, who's flying above the ship, is blinded. Vladimir crawls belowdecks and tells Wong what's going on. She hides under some wood and hopes Evelake doesn't come down. The party tries to swipe at Evelake, but being blind seems to have a negative effect on one's ability to hit another being. Jean-Claude notices a flying woman near him and recognizes her as Lady Thora. He casts Cone of Cold at her, but her sword merely absorbs the spell. Evelake says "Stun," and Reynaldo falls over. Jean-Claude notices that he can't hear anything from the battle (if it can be called that) below, so the party has absolutely no way of knowing of what's happening. Evelake steps towards the stunned Reynaldo and strikes him. Then he looks up at Lady Thora and they both disappear. Everyone's blindness goes away, as does the silence. Reynaldo comes out of his magical stupor.

Reynaldo: Did he only hit me? That seem kind of personal to you?
Jean-Claude: Whatever the reason, we're all still alive and not trapped in some hideous limbo, which is way better than the last time we faced him.
Reynaldo: Unfortunately, he's also way more powerful, right?
Jean-Claude: Yeah, last time we fought him, we killed his partner Lord Valdemar.
Reynaldo: You should have killed them all.
Jean-Claude: We couldn't have. We were wiped out.
Reynaldo: I bet he was too. You kids just lost your morale when you saw your friend Celdrix get sucked into that gem.
Jean-Claude: You weren't there. You have no idea how powerful he was then, regardless of how much more powerful he is today.
Reynaldo: We need that Goddamn grail.

After two more hours' sailing. We reach land and decide to make camp. However, we hear a rustling in the leaves above us and ready our weapons. It turns out to just be Hildegund on her flying steed. She flies down to meet us.

Hildegund: The All-Father has made me chooser of the slain and my Lady Vjofn has given me great leeway in my selections so as to help or hinder you. This depends on how well you treat my friends. This could go easy or hard, but you have to guess my name. I'll give you a few minutes.

We talk amongst ourselves, but it is important to note that, because of Hildegund's propensity to mumble, the party missed the bit about her Lady Vjofn. We remembered that a couple of years back, Heloise and others had rescued a Valkyrie from a magical mirror. This Valkyrie was Vjofn. So we guessed Vjofn. Hildegund sadly shook her head and took off. After more consideration and then realizing that her Lady was Vjofn and therefore she couldn't be Vjofn herself, the party thought a better answer would have been Pip Greyleaf, an adventurer that Vjofn had taken to Valhalla. Maybe the party will tell her so at a later date.

We rested.

Goodbye Sailors
Tuesday, April 24th, 988 AD

We heal up and sail north towards Upsala. After a quick day's travel, we reach Ostra Aros and drop off our second and last sailor Vladimir. We travel slightly more northwards and make camp on the shore. Moishe starts to feel really bad. He joins Vera in the infirmary.

Myosars Are Stupid
Wednesday, April 25th, 988 AD

We sail north and after four hours, we see an enormous sea snake, also called a Myosar. It tries to attack us three times, but the magic of the Valgae Leya prevents it from doing so. We make camp when night falls.

Texts That Will Drive You Mad
Thursday, April 26th, 988 AD

After only an hour's sailing, we reach Hudic. We shrink the boat down and start to walk into town, but we see the tips of some pyramids in the distance and walk towards those instead. When we reach them, we find two large pyramids with strange writing on all of their faces and an obelisk with proto-Nordic runes on it. Before we can attempt to read anything, we are attacked by a pack of about twenty Lynxes. They surprise us with their speed and numbers, but after their initial volley, they are quickly taken care of, and all save one are killed.

Jean-Claude reads the proto-Nordic runes and finds a letter from Igwolf. Reynaldo then tries to read the strange writing on the pyramid faces with a Comprehend Languages spell. He reads something about an ancient battle between two sea cretures, both with multiple appendages, before going totally insane. Many spells are tried in order to cure him of his insanity, including a Remove Curse (which removes a curse; we think it's the Laughing Curse brought upon by the doll in Gotland) and two Dispel Magics (one of which dispels some other magic and one which dispels the madness) before he's sane again. We rest for the night.

Trading Pyramids for Rumors
Friday, April 27th, 988 AD

We awake and walk back to the pyramids. Anna Divinates about whether or not Reynaldo should continue trying to read the strange language on the pyramids, risking repeated bouts of insanity. God replies,

    IT SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE EXPLAINED
    IGNORANCE CAN'T BE REGAINED
    AND IN THE TRIVIUM OR COLLEGE
    KNOWLEDGE ALWAYS BUILDS ON KNOWLEDGE
    IF KNOWLEDGE BE MOST DREAD
    THEN DREAD COMPOUNDS INSIDE YOUR HEAD
    UNTIL IT HAS THEN FILLED YOUR BRAIN
    AND CROWDED OUT THE WELL AND SANE
    AN ANSWER IN THE PYRAMID
    MAY SECRETLY AND WELL BE HID
    WHO WILL FIND IT?
    I SUPPOSE THAT NO MAN KNOWS,
    THAT NO MAN KNOWS. 

So, the party decides Reynaldo should quit while he's ahead. We search for doors on the pyramid faces for a couple of hours, but find none.

We head back into Hudic proper and go into bars and listen for rumors: there is a region in the North cultivated by two giants called Everbloom, so-called because it is always green; before trade to Estonia got cut off, there was an albino by the name of Eugeneus trying to pass as Estonian, but the locals knew he wasn't and suspected he was an agent of Prince Vselov; King Erik's advisor, Thorgnirr is said to be the real power in Sweden; Jarl Harald of Westford has a crush on Sigrid, Jarlina of Gotland.

We leave the bar, some of us slightly tipsy, and ask around for private rooms. Since none can be found, we head out into the wilderness and make camp.

Reunited... And it Feels so Good
Saturday, April 28th, 988 AD

We sail from Hudic to Ketelheim and meet up with the rest of the party. Greetings and introductions are made all around. Edward explains that they've been holed up in Ketelheim waiting for a certain skald to return. Just then, the skald returns. He recites the Hjorungavagsmal to us, and then we pay him 100gp in order to have him teach it to us. We rest in an inn.

More Rumors
Sunday, April 29th, 988 AD

While in Ketelheim, we buy and sell things all around, Shara going so far as to having Hide Armor made for herself from the scales of the Polar Wyrm we defeated back in the Kievan Empire. While partaking of all this commerce, we hear the following rumors: the sword of King Hakon the Good, Kvernbit, has not been seen since he died 30 years ago; the Jarl of Trondheim is a talking dog (Ivan tries to convince Reynaldo that this is true, but Reynaldo just brushes him off); a couple of hundred years ago, a Saxon warrior woman named Olava was courted by the Danish King Helgi, but instead of granting him favor, she shaved his head and tarred him. As revenge, Helgi raped her and therefore sired Ursa, who was raised as a sheperdess, not knowing her true parentage. King Helgi then fell in love with and married Ursa, he also not knowing of their relation. As revenge for the rape, Olava told Ursa of her relation to her husband, who then ran off and married King Adliss, or Eyaggils, of Sweden; long ago, the Holy Roman Emperor once had a knight that flew around the world on a winged animal of some sort; the Jomsvikings have been licking their wounds ever since they lost the battle of Hjorungavag; the leader of the Pechinegs has acquired a magical harp; there is an island in the Baltic where a giant named Leger is sinking ships by throwing rocks at them.

We head back to our inn and sleep peacefully through the night.

End Chapter Twenty-Four