The Danger Gang Sticks It To Phillip IV

Once the wind picks up, the Danger Gang sets sail for Porthos, even though it's not really Porthos (but it is). They chat with their old associate, Baby Joe, who warns them again of their impending death if they head back to Cassandrea. They're not scared. But then something strikes them. Back on the 23rd, Phillip IV told Arben he had four weeks to find the Bloodstone, but they'd been acting like he had said one month. They need to get to his place tonight.

Wirshin casts Divination to find out about Phillip IV. God says we might die, and there are four things we need to know:

1. He has a way out. 2. We won't. 3. mmmmmmmmmm 4. mmmmmmmmmm

For some reason, God can't really finish what he's saying. Ah, well. Off to Cassandrea.

Cassandrea seems to have been completely reorganized. There's an ampitheater, a building complex and a Temple to Eris, with a pair of golden apples on pillars out front. The temple is swarming with spiders, and in front of the building is a little red Imp, muttering, "Wurra wurra."

Arben asks the guy if he's doing alright, and the guy shows a picture of a hangman missing a leg. "I don't know if I'm supposed to finish it," he says. Arben explains that they're looking for Phil, and the little Imp says he's downstairs. He gets the impression that the two of them don't get along that great. Arben tosses him a gold coin and thanks him for his trouble. He knocks on the door, saying, "Your Majesty, it's me Arben!"

The Imp startles at the name and takes another look at Arben's illusory leg. Arben explains that they have information on the Bloodstone, and he hopes that will be enough sooth the savage Lich. The Imp, basically a resentful salaryman, doesn't sweat it and says he can hold off. He also warns them to "Watch out for the cat." They thank him for the tip and head in the temple.

Martialis casts Locate Object on Phil's ruby encrusted staff (which Arben identified as a staff of spell storage). They head down a trap door in the temple. B The Beholder has been kind enough to tag along as an ace in the hole.

They head down a hallway and soon Marty's Locate Object goes off. They knock on the wall, and are greeted by their old friend Phillip. They chat leisurely with him as they stroll down the hall. Arben explains that he hasn't found the Bloodstone, but he does know that it's in the Taramul Kalalalt, and that's why he hasn't been able to find it. He gives him the names of a few contacts and tells him to watch out for the Agathersi as they probably wouldn't get along. Phil ends up leading them into his remodeled library, which now has a tile floor and a fountain that drains between the tiles. Arben introduces everyone that hasn't met, and Eorl begins shooting his mouth off. Phil ends up dropping the name Hatamatua, some sort of ancient king of Mu. Then, boom, out of nowhere, he throws a vial of Holy Water in Phil's face it's on.

Phil has grown giant hands that he hits people with. He also has an Ochre Jelly or three to back him up. Arben tries to read the Sunray Scroll, but it doesn't work. Others that were in the hallway try to bust into the room, but there's a wall of wind in the way. Martialis casts Control Wind and works his way through. Everybody fights things. A sandy fist emerges from the litter box and punches Eorl in the back. Arben summons a few Bullywugs to fight Ochre Jellies. Hlotius gets rent limb from limb by Phil's giant hands. Eorl gets grabbed by a giant fire tentacle that emerges from a brazier. He turns himself into salt with his necklace, because salt has a high melting point. Lleryn gets beat up by a Jelly and B teleports him back to the surface. All the while, people have been chopping away at Phil and his crazy mirror images. He's looking pretty injured, when he turns into water and flows down the drain. A great cheer goes up. A caustic gel starts raining down from the ceiling. Everyone begins booking it out of there. Probus the Dandy grabs an entire Reduced shelf of books. The gel begins eating at their skin, and Arben pleas with B to make some Baking Soda to neutralize the acid. Luckily, B recognizes that the gel is, in fact, a caustic alkali. He shoots everyone with some vinegar. They feel like their skin is no longer melting off, so they hobble happily to the surface.

It looks like the little Imp is gone, as is all his spider friends. Some of the more injured people hang out in a rope trick while the others track the spiders. They find the imp and the spiders hiding in a building. The imp seems like an alright guy, for a little evil demon. Seems to mostly to want to do mildly annoying acts like spoiling milk and otherwise be left alone. Arben offers him a job and he says he'll think about it. He agrees to not do anything to harm these guys unless, you know, somebody makes him. Gotta do what you gotta do. It seems Impy previously agreed to never reveal the location of Phil IV's secret lair, so he tells them where it "isn't". He also tells them their old buddy Smitty the Demon is somewhere underground in Phil's old lair; presumably the Will O' Wisp is still there too. They go check out Phil's secret lair; turns out it was the same room they were in before. All the books are wrecked. They pry up a few tiles and find an underground stream. They'll never catch him now.

They head back to town. Baby Joe sure is surprised to see them.