The Danger Gang: Triumphant; Bashim: Defeated

After resting for a few hours, Barnacle Bashim and his pirates are ready for another fun day of raiding. Little do they know that this is the day it all comes down. No immortal Dutch pirates, no ship of the damned, no spawn of the sea shall prove to be their undoing. No, they're to be undone by they're own toilet.

Arben remembers his empathic link with his familiar, Saint Simon. He hid in his stuff, and was apparently thrown in some sort of box. He tells him to chew his way out and bring his stuff. Unfortunately, he's not much of a chewer. But he gives it his all.

Meanwhile, Eorl and The Crimson Cutlass do some more scouting. They sneak back up to the deck. There doesn't seem to be any VIP's on this boat, that is, until they hear Aaron barking orders at crew members from inside a barrel. The two of them debate rolling his barrel into the sea, but end up deciding against it. They hear that the pirates threw Ido's fake replacement cup into the sea and boarded up the john. Eorl and The Cutlass laugh to themselves. They overhear that Black Rachael is on the Tigress and Bashim is aboard the Swordfish.

Meanwhile, Bashim has gone to shoot the shit with Arben for a little bit. Arben picks up that Bashim is afraid to go on land and that the ghost ship that's after him is called the Israfel or the "Angel Of Death". He asks Bashim if maybe he could get washed up and get some pants. Bashim agrees and leads him on to deck. Eorl and The Cutlass see him, surprised to learn that he lost half a leg. Bashim pulls out the Zulfuqar and cuts Arbens binds. Arben reads the inscription, "There is no victory with Ali. There is no sword but Zulfuqar." Arben tells him this is different than what would be expected. Bashim mumbles to himself about how he's getting tired of this guy's idle prattling. The crew toss some sea water on him to wash off the dried feces and give him some pants. Arben hops back into the cabin. He checks out the trunk that Aaron popped out of; turns out there was hole under there.

Meanwhile, Can has figured a way to get himself through the hole. He and Eorl confer on their next step and they think they've got it. Eorl whips a fuse using some twine and some lamp oil and runs it to a barrel of oil on the deck. Meanwhile, Can casts Alter Self to change into a three foot tall humanoid with a seagull head, wings, and gills, but with tiny hands popping out of the torso, hands that can be hidden in the plumage. Then he casts Reduce on himself, making him small enough to fit through the cup. He flies over to Arben and knocks on his window. He casts Fly on him and Reduce too. They fly back and hide below deck with their friends. During the confusion on the deck of the Centipede, Eorl and The Crimson Cutlass stab Aaron in the back. Cutlass slits his throat and they take his body below deck.

Using Can's spellbook, Arben Reduces Xenon, Hlotius and Probus the Dandy and they all pop through the cup. Just then, by pure coincidence, the crew starts to bustle; they're getting ready to raid. Bashim starts looking around for Aaron, "Yar! Where is that blasted Jew?" he says. He also notices that Arben is no longer in his cabin. Can quickly alters himself to look like Aaron. He runs up and says, "Bashim! oy! You gotta take a look at this!" then runs back downstairs. Eorl sneaks up on deck.

Lucky he did too, because a fake Bashim boards the ship and heads below deck looking for Aaron. Ido summons a fire elemental and the fake Bashim runs away. The Fire Elemental heads up the staircase and the real Barnacle Bashim, disguised as an ordinary sailor, steps out of the crowd to do battle. Bashim looks disappointed as the elemental is dispelled somehow. A thick fog appears below deck. Bashim makes a beeline for Ido, who was quite distraught to see the elemental disappear and the pirate king racing towards her. Eorl rips the admantium bead off of his transmogriphying necklace, changing into ass-kicking metal Eorl. He tries to stab ol' Bashim in the back, but that tattoo that's on his back peels off of him, ready to fight Eorl. Shit is on.

Alright, battle is pretty hectic and difficult to summarize, so imagine, if you will, a montage. Flashes of these images as a soundtrack swells and the anguished cries of the fallen can be heard dimly over the clash of weapons.

Up above something can be heard sliding on the deck.

Bashim draws the Zulfuquar and splits it in two and wields the Trisula with his other two.

Arben Summons a group of orcs.

Eorl battles the tattoo shadow when he gets stabbed in the back by one of Rachael's sons wielding the Clord and Solevei's scimitar.

Can whips up some Mirror Images; they are demure, sleepy, etc.

Ido gets hit with the Whammy from the Zulfuqar. Somehow the blade pierces her from behind and it drops her like a sack of potatoes.

Xenon, Probus, and Hlotius charge Bashim while they are still reduced and, fortunately, Bashim's anti-magic aura causes them to return to full size.

Xenon steps in and starts fighting defensively, with the hopes of using his shield to drain the magic from Bashim's weapons.

Thuds can be heard in the mist below deck.

Eorl points the cup at the son that's attacking him and Wirshin casts Hold Person on him.

The Crimson Cutlass has taken to trying to pick Bashim's pockets. He grabs a potion and guzzles it. He grows two more arms. He also snags a scroll case.

Black Rachael and several other pirates pop up in the mists. Arben whips up a Hypnotic Pattern which stops a few of them.

Eorl starts fighting Bashim, trying to ignore the pirates fighting him from behind.

Black Rachael comes out of her haze and her flying snake tattoo leaps to life and comes after Arben.

Ezio shoots some Magic Missiles out of the cup, but they fizzle. A shadow comes back through the cup after him. Wirshin turns it.

Bashim takes care of Hlotius and Probus without any problems.

Arben tells Marty to try to change into an Elk and inhale the snake. He tries, but his heart explodes.

Xenon falls to the backstabbing effect of the Zulfuqar.

Black Rachael goes after The Crimson Cutlass, but the curse of the sword of Kalivapoweg kicks in and she stabs her son stone dead. She falls to the ground weeping.

Eorl strikes Bashim and he disappears.

The pirates really freak out when this happens and run away. They get in the other two ships and start sailing away.

Thus ends the montage.

Can casts Fumble on the fleeing ships. They start falling around and looking like fools. The still metal Eorl wipes himself down with the flying ointment and sets off, flaming sword in hand. He flies to the other boats and cuts their sails. The pirates are freaking out. He tells them all to stop where they are.

Then, ol' man Morkoth emerges from the deep. He tries to use his crazy mind powers on him, but Eorl is able to resist. They try to talk, but they don't seem to have much of a common language. Morkoth asks after Aaron, and Eorl says that he's dead. They agree to talk in eight hours.

Eorl grabs all the rich stuff, including poor Saint Simon, dragging Arben's spellbook and winddagger, and brings them back to the Centipede. They pop open the scroll case that Cutlass nicked and find a pair of priest scrolls and a Map To Bashim's Treasure. There's also a good chunk of gold to be divied up. The injured all grab forty winks.

After a few hours, Eorl and Arben interview Black Rachael, good cop/bad cop style. Classic pincer. Her father was a land pirate (or brigand), and he and her mother were both killed for their heresy. Seems she worshiped a variation of the same dualistic Judaism that Aaron practiced, but then switched it up a little when the two of them linked up. In any case, after her parents died she became a pirate. Her hand got bit off by a shark. She squirted out her two kids. She met up with Bashim. They got those crazy tattoos somewhere in the east, subsequently killing the tattoo artist like a couple of assholes.

She also spills the beans on the Zulfuqar. Seems it used to be a pagan sword, and just as it can become to swords, it has two natures. In the hands of a holy warrior of the Muslim faith, it serves as a holy avenger. In the hands of a chaotic evil warrior, it's some sort of backstabbing bitch machine on wheels. She also says Morkoth hooked up with Bashim with the hopes of being introduced to Aaron's higher up, Rabbi Tzvi and that Malik, the King of Sicily is corresponding with the Sahauguin. She also explains a little bit of the Heretical Dualistic Judaism. They ask her if they can hang on to her hook, and she hands it over. Gershom sits shiva with her.

After a little more rest and healing, Arben is able to bring Ezio and Wirshin through the cup. Wirshin casts Dispel Magic on Karl, Kotrag, Zahrah, Kolya and the rest of the rowers. They come to, and unfortunately, there are no VIP's amongst their lot other than the Danger Gang. Karl immediately starts screaming about his gemeralds. The exertion causes him to pass out. Everyone is glad to see him.

Now it's time to meet with Ol' Man Morkoth. He emerges from the briny deep, tentacles a wavin'. After dealing with who he should not or could not brainwash, they begin to chat. Gershom translates Morkoth's Hebrew. Now, Ol' Man Morkoth is apparently very tight lipped (beaked?) and refuses to give up most of his juicy info. He asks us if we know the fifty true names of God, because he sure doesn't. Everyone lets out a collective groan. He claims that he teamed up with Bashim because they both could talk to fish, and he hoped that he could give him "Context for his knowledge". Arben says that they know lots of stuff, and if he would just tell them his knowledge, they could give him the context. Morkoth refuses, for none may know what the Morkoth knows. Arben would later summarize the conversation thusly:

Morkoth: "Hey, I've got a peg! Tell me what hole I should put it in?"

Arben: "Well, it's round, it should go in the round hole. Is it a round peg?"

Morkoth: "Oh ho ho! Now everybody wants to know the shape of the peg! I don't think so!"

Eorl: "Morkoth has a point."

They quickly realize that they are at an impass. Morkoth gives them some more vague info on his history, but nothing that really helps them all come together. So Morkoth leaves, and both groups unimpressed.

Marty, back in a fine fighting fettle, takes to the skies having cast Locate Object on the Tresula. No luck. Everyone rests a little more to prepare to invade Bashim's undersea lair.

After the rest Marty Summons some dolphins. Karl threatens to murder one pirate per hour until he gets some kind of freaking jewel. Marty and a small crew swim down to Bashim's cavern. They find a couple pirates, some saucy wenches, some treasure, the Kivot a mimic that they fight, and Charybdis, who is some sort of horrible undersea worm. They bring the good stuff back to the surface, leave the rest. They didn't find Karl's gemeralds, so Arben tosses him one of the diamonds he was saving. It seems to slake his thirst for now.