Road to Kebnegard, Chapter Thirteen

Dragon Tales, a New Henchman, and Love Amongst the Heroes
Sunday, February 19th, 988 AD

Edward speaks with his One True God and finds out that the Black Sword is 'ancient' and can only be consumed by something just as ancient. Also, God says we should ask an equally ancient sage about what this ancient something is. Reynaldo says he thought that's what God was for.

There's a little bit of quibbling about what to do, but finally Jean-Claude goes and asks Sadko about the whole thing. Instead, Sadko tells us the story about how he got rich: apparently, he was shipwrecked on Lake Ilmen. The sea dragon Morskoy, who lives at the bottom of Lake Ilmen, thinks Sadko will make an excellent husband for his daughter, completely disregarding the troubles with interspecies love and Sadko's horrible seamanship skills. Sadko doesn't really want to do it, so instead he buys time with his awesome music playing ability and then just steals the dragon's hoard right from under him, with nary a scratch. Edward thinks that maybe the dragon Morskoy is either the ancient sage or the ancient consumer.

Anna, Jean-Claude, and Stepanova (now Anna's henchwoman) go shopping for things. Anna buys Stepanova an entire new wardrobe consisting of armor and weapons. Jean-Claude buys gloves for some arcane spell or another. Reynaldo and a page named Sergei go out and look for some urchins and ask them whether they've seen Sabota or the Black Sword. They all answer in the negative. Edward Divinates about visiting the dragon Morskoy, but God says we're going to need to give him a gift. We have very little money, and therefore no gift, so we abort the whole dragon plan before it even gets off the ground, but Wong takes a sip of the Omniconquest potion, just in case she can use it to kick the dragon's ass. Instead, she falls head over heels in love with Reynaldo, who immediately plots ways to use this to his advantage (after a proper amount of time of being totally skeeved out).

Afterwards, Edward goes to a blacksmith and asks him to make three man-catchers so that we may catch the Amphisbaena still in the Kobold Dungeon. We then go to sleep.

Kobold Dungeon, part II aka What a Twist! and a Surprise Visit
Monday, February 20th, 988 AD

While leaving the citadel, we find out that Sabota has called Wong out again by posting a letter in the guards' barracks. Also, Anna casts Dispel Magic and cures Wong of her love for Reynaldo, much to his mixed relief and disappointment at an opportunity lost.

We go get our man-catchers and go back to the Kobold Dungeon to catch us an Amphisbaena. Unfortunately, all we find is a demon.

Demon: Well, that didn't work like it was supposed to at all.
Reynaldo: Hey you jerk! Where's the Amphisbaena? Did you fucking eat it? I will kill you if you fucking ate it!
Demon (sighing): No, I didn't eat it. I was it. I shape-changed, thinking you guys would leave me alone if you saw an Amphisbaena down here. Speaking of which, what's wrong with you guys? I was an Amphisbaena, for the Pit's sake. Sane people run away from that and then never come back.
Reynaldo: We're not sane people!
Thalia: Speak for yourself...
Demon: Okay, listen. If you guys let me out of here, I'll tell you whatever you want to know.
Edward: I've a better idea, hellspawn. We beat you near death, then you tell us what we want, and then we won't kill you.
Demon: I really don't like that plan.
Edward: Tough.

We kick it's ass all over that cavern. It's enough to make you think that maybe, just maybe, there is a God like Edward and Anna believe. The demon tells us two things: 1) if you put magic teeth together, each one gets stronger because of the others; and 2) Olga, the original weilder of the Black Sword, threw herself into the polluted pool long ago. We think maybe the Black Sword should go back into the pool. Maybe. Then we kill the demon.

Reynaldo: Dude, you lied. Isn't that a big no-no in your religion? Isn't your God going to reign frogs on you or something?
Edward: That was a demon. The only bad thing one can do when there's a demon involved is not kill it. We killed it. Whatever else happened does not count.
Reynaldo: That's pretty fucking convenient.

We go back to the city and a guard tells us that there's someone waiting for us in a conference room. After some discussion, we go in and find Snowflake, the King of Cats, waiting for us.

Snowflake: I'm here to make sure the duel between Sabota and Wong happens and happens fairly, but regardless of who wins, I am also here to take Sabota and the Black Sword with me to my new friends.
Reynaldo: Do these new friends of yours have tails?
Snowflake: What's wrong with tails?
Reynaldo: Nothing, ordinarily, but these new friends of yours like to get their tails wet, something Isabela has told me cats really don't like to do.
Snowflake: To each their own.
Edward: No, not to each their own. At least, they don't believe so. If all they wanted was to get their own tails wet, we wouldn't have a problem with them. But they plan to get everyone's tails wet, regardless of whether others want to or not.
Snowflake: No, I don't think that to be true. I think they just want more water so they can get their tails wet more easily, but they won't force everyone to wet their tails.
Reynaldo: Wait, I'm lost. What's 'tails' a metaphor for again?
Snowflake: It doesn't matter. Wong must duel Sabota fairly, and then Sabota, the Black Sword, and I will leave this place together.
Wong: Okie-dokie.

Snowflake leaves and we rest for the night.

Planning and Resting
Tuesday through Thursday, February 21st through 23rd, 988 AD

We rest and plan for all the contingencies we can think of that might arise in the duel if Sabota doesn't fight fairly. We do this for three days.

Anti-Climactic and Leaving
Friday, February 24th, 988 AD

We wait for Sabota to show up and when he does, Wong asks him to use a regular sword like she is, or they the duel is off. Sabota is livid and refuses to give up the Black Sword. Snowflake is forced to admit that the Black Sword does give Sabota an unfair advantage, so he doesn't force the duel. Sabota leaves with Snowflake.

We bid our farewells and also leave Novgorod. We head northwest to the city of Setsoretsk, which borders the Gulf of Finland. We sleep in the forest at night, which is very uncomfortable because we have become unaccustomed to sleeping in the wild after our long stay in a city, besieged as it was.

Monster Attack
Saturday, February 25th, 988 AD

As soon as we set off, we spy two flying creatures that come down on us. The creatures are a giant sphinx and a young dragon ridden by two giants. We make quick work of them (while Edward's snakes from a Sticks to Snakes spell steal all the kills). Ivan really wants to make dragon armor to match his Giant Toe Helmet.

End Chapter Thirteen
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