Road to Kebnegard, Chapter Twenty-Six

Flying Giant Attack
Tuesday, May 8th, 988 AD

During second watch, we're attacked by two large flying men, one of whom is wreathed in flames on its lower half. They throw a Wall of Fire around us, but Edward dispels it. Wong and Vera dish out some punishment, but they turn invisible and immaterial and depart the scene. We travel for an hour and try resting again.

We travel all day and rest again when night falls.

Maka Ripo, Giants, and an Uneasy Alliance
Wednesday, May 9th, 988 AD

While walking towards Kebnekaise, we meet three people traveling south. The talkative one introduces himself as Maka Ripo, and says the other man is named Molk and woman he is carrying on his back is named Yete.

Anna: You're from up north, I presume.
Maka Ripo: Of course. Why else would we be traveling south? Me and Molk are Lapps and the old woman is a Finn.
Maka Ripo (whispering): She's a witch.
Anna: Are you running from giants?
Maka Ripo: What? Stalo? No, not at all.
Anna: Wait, what are Stalo?
Maka Ripo: Oh, I'm sorry, it's what we call the Jotens, the Giants.
Anna: Oh, right.
Maka Ripo: Yeah, we Lapps are a simple people. We just harvest moss and herd reindeer, and I don't think Stalo have any need for either of those two things.

Suddenly, the old woman awakes and starts talking.

Yete (pointing to Reynaldo): You will get everything you want, and more than you want.
Reynaldo: Really? Cool beans.
Yete: And then one of you will die. And that one will be...

As she attempts to point at someone, she falls asleep again.

Maka Ripo (nervous laughter): Ha ha, don't listen to her. She's always talking nonsense.
Jean-Claude: Now hold on. We've heard that all Finns are witches. Couldn't she have been predicting the future?
Maka Ripo: Well, it's certainly true that all Finns are witches. You know, we're just a great big adventuring party up here in the north. All Norsemen are fighters, all Finns are witches, all the Christians are clerics of their God, and we Lapps are all... uhh... security experts. If we all banded together, we could probably do anything.
Reynaldo: About that...
Jean-Claude: Wait, so you're saying that she did predict the future? One of us is going to die?
Wong: Settle down. You're getting hysterical.
Maka Ripo: Trust me. She was just spouting nonsense.
Reynaldo: So I'm not going to get everything I want?
Maka Ripo: Oh no, that part's probably true.
Reynaldo: Sweet.
Edward: We're getting off track here.
Anna: The symbol of the oppressive patriarchy is correct. Have you heard anything about Kebnegard? Do you know where it's people are?
Maka Ripo: Sure I do.
Anna: Could you guide us there?
Maka Ripo: For a small fee.
Reynaldo: How small?
Maka Ripo: How about... one gold per day, plus expenses.
Reynaldo: What kind of expenses?
Maka Ripo: You know, food, lodging, the basics.
Reynaldo: And I suppose that you're just going to demand to eat what we eat and sleep where we sleep?
Maka Ripo: It seems only fair.
Reynaldo: Deal. By the way, we sleep outside on the ground and eat months-old rations.
Maka Ripo: Wait... crap.

We bid farewell to Molk, who merely grunts, and Yete, who once again wakes and prophesies that a mushroom in Uppsala will get stepped on.

Anna asks God whether having Maka Ripo guide is a good thing. God answers that it couldn't hurt, but that if we want to get to Orm before nightfall, we're gonna have to go through some kind of gauntlet. We wonder what that could possibly mean.

Four hours later, a large group of monsters comes at us in a battle formation. This group includes a 21 foot Frost Giant, a 9 foot long shark-adillo thing, three 9 foot ogres, one ogress, three 8 foot ice trolls, a 10 foot ugly giant, and the two flying guys from the previous day. Nicolae immediately blinds the Frost Giant while Shara throws up a Spike Growth between us and the now blind Frost Giant. Ivan charges the ugly giant after Jean-Claude catches him, the shark-adillo thing, and the fiery flying guy in a Cone of Cold. Vera, Shara, and Dorn take out the ice trolls; Wong, Thalia, Conrad, Edward, and Anna take on the ogres and the ogress, as well as the shark-adillo. Wong and Conrad fall before the assorted monsters are all killed. Nicolae, Reynaldo, and Jean-Claude continued shooting off spells where they were needed, while Ivan took care of the ugly giant (who never landed a single hit), and the blind Frost Giant for a little while (once again proving he is The Giant Killer), who then moved off after accidentally hitting the ugly giant. After running out of spells, Reynaldo decided to try to backstab the blind Frost Giant using his patented Burrowing-Under-The-Snow-And-Flying-Up-To-A-Giant's-Back Technique (also known as the Flying Axe Technique, or the Feint Low, Hit High Technique; there are manuals you can read for more information). He delivered such a mighty blow, that the Frost Giant was cleaved wholly in twain. If blows could be quantified using some kind of numerical system, it would have been not unlike doing 51 points of damage. I can definitely say that it was the most amount of damage Reynaldo could have done backstabbing a Frost Giant with a magical axe while Resucitation was on. It was quite glorious to behold.

But once again, the two flying men escaped using invisibility and etherealness. Also of note, when the monsters showed, and all through the battle really, Maka Ripo insisted to the giants that he was on their side and that he was merely delivering us to them. We weren't amused.

After this attack, we decide we should a) move faster and b) scout so that we don't run into any more patrols or ambushes. To this end, Nicolae Polymorphs into a bird and flies ahead of the party, keeping and eye out for giants and monsters. Periodically, we stop and Vera scouts around as well. We avoid five patrols using this system, but we run into the sixth one. It's an ogre riding a bear and another shark-adillo. Shara charms the bear and Nicolae blinds the ogre, and we quickly dispatch both him and the shark-adillo.

After a few more hours, we finally reach Orm's camp. Orm looks awful, and he seems harried on all sides. He welcomes us into his tent anyway, where Thorbjorn is waiting. All except Maka Ripo, whom he immediately has arrested on account of his kind not being trustworthy. We pay him his gold piece anyway and Orm ends up letting him go after awhile. We tell Orm most of our adventures in getting here to help, and he tells us he can only accept our help if we agree not fight with any of his other allies.

Edward: Who are your other allies?
Orm: The usual suspects who you met in Kiev, as well as a few men from the south and a Hill Giant named Arnor.

We all look at Ivan.

Ivan (lifting the nail faceplate on his Giant Toe helmet): What? If he says he's an ally, then he's an ally. I only kills giants that are trying to kill us.
Orm: So, we got a deal?

We all agree that it would be best if there was no infighting amongst those assembled here to beat back the giants. We give our word not to harm any allies while in Kebnegard, which is at the moment wherever the King stands. Orm gives Irithizon's spellbook, the one that Innocence stole, back to Reynaldo, along with an extra spell.

Orm: She said this would square things between you.
Reynaldo: I'm sure she did.
Orm: Let me introduce to you to some of the men from the south then.

Three swarthy men enter Orm's tent, one of which has his face covered entirely covered except for his eyes, the left of which has a tattoo of an arrow over it.

Orm: This Raheesh, Aaqib, and Qadir.

Before Orm finishes, though, there is an immediate flash of recognition between the three men and Reynaldo, who all draw weapons. One of them men says, "Namnatur!"

Orm (stepping between Reynaldo and the three men): Woah, woah, woah! What the fuck did I just say?
Reynaldo: These guys are fucking murderers!
Raheesh: This man is wanted for high crimes against the Caliphate!
Reynaldo: You're genocidal maniacs!
Raheesh: You killed my men!
Reynaldo: You killed my parents!
Orm: Shut the fuck up!

Reynaldo and the three Moors glare at each other across the expanse that is Orm's will.

Orm: I don't care what has happened in the past. Hell, I don't care what happened right before you came to me. You have all pledged yourselves to my cause, and one of the stipulations of that pledge is that you will not harm each other. If this is too much for you to do, then I thank you to leave immediately.

The four men continue glaring.

Orm: No takers? Good. Now put your weapons away. Raheesh, you and your men may leave. I'll speak to you later.

They all put their weapons away, but before the three Moors leave, Qadir removes the strips of cloth covering his face and we all see that words have been carved into both his cheeks and his forehead. The tattoo of the arrow goes from his forehead to his left cheek, over his eye.

Reynaldo: Son of a bitch...
Qadir: Heh. I'll see you later, Namnatur.

They leave, and Reynaldo turns his attention to Orm.

Reynaldo: What the hell kind of operation are you running here?
Orm: Listen, boy, these men have agreed to help me. They were up here running some kind of secret errands for their Caliph when they decided to do that. I don't know what they've done in the past, and I don't care, much like I don't know nor care what you and yours have done in the past. Right now, I have a kingdom under siege and you'll excuse me if I don't give a rat's ass about your fucking blood feud. You will stow it until you are gone from here, or I will stow you. Clear?
Reynaldo: ...Clear.
Orm: Good, now here's the sitch: as you no doubt already know, my keep has been taken and burnt to the ground, my people have scattered for safety, and we're fighting a guerrilla war. A losing guerrilla war. The giants find our encampment every couple of days and we're forced to relocate. Since the keep went down, I've only got Thorbjorn, Miaslav, Innocence, and my cousin Mengloth. The Moors are the three you just saw and five others. They used to have a djinn, but that son of a bitch ran and joined up with the giants for some reason we haven't quite figured out yet. I've got Arnor, and now, I've got you, which is by far the biggest influx of manpower I've received. Thorbjorn?
Thorbjorn: Right now, we're trying to decide between two courses of action: go to Everbloom and ask the giants there for help, or cause Kebnekaise to erupt.
Thalia: What? How could that possibly help?
Thorbjorn: There is a place of power in the dungeon inside the mountain. A place that can only be used by evil. We think that's what their objective has been all along. Now, we haven't seen any Tailed People, but the giants have been guarding the main entrance to the dungeon for as long as they've held it. We fear what that might mean.
Orm: Originally, we were going to ask the Everbloom giants for help because we didn't think we could get into the dungeon with our low numbers.
Jean-Claude: Why do we need to be in the dungeon?

Thorbjorn reaches into his coat and produces a fiery red gem.

Thorbjorn: Because of this. This little rock will cause the volcano to erupt, but only if it's tossed into lava flow.
Nicolae: How could you possibly know that?
Orm: Because that little guy used to be twins. We used his brother in Ireland when we caused a volcano there to erupt.
Ivan: So what exactly is the plan? We just walk past the guards and throw the rock in?<br? Orm: Essentially, yes. We will split the forces in two. Group A will cause a diversion that should pull most of the guards away from the entrance and Group B will go in.
Edward: I need to pray on the efficacy of this plan.
Thorbjorn: By all means, but Thor has already granted his blessing on this course of action.

Edward leaves to pray, and while we wait, Thorbjorn tells us some interesting family history.

Thorbjorn: So, you know that woman you said fought with Evelake when he appeared on your boat?
Jean-Claude: Lady Thora?
Thorbjorn: Yeah. She thinks I'm her father.
Jean-Claude: What? I though she was Harald's daughter. I mean, he's said so many times.
Thorbjorn: Well, he did sleep with Lilith, and I certainly don't remember sleeping with any succubus, but nonetheless...
Jean-Claude: How do you know she thinks you're her father?
Thorbjorn: She showed up before this nonsense with the giants and told me that I'd been a bad father to her. She whupped my ass.
Reynaldo: It's true that if you'd been there for her, she probably wouldn't have fallen in with such a bad crowd.
Thalia: You're not helping.

Edward reenters the tent, with blood staining through the back of his shirt.

Edward: The Lord tells me that this is our best course of action. But he said that we needed to be careful when we dropped the stone into the lava, and also to make sure the dungeon was totally clear.
Jean-Claude: Orm, were there any problems when you guys used the rock in Ireland?
Orm: No. We dropped it in and a few minutes later, the mountain blew. We even had enough time to get out and away.
Anna: How about in the dungeon: are there any innocents?
Wong: Or treasure?
Thorbjorn: No. All the lizard men are dead.
Jean-Claude: Yeah, we're gonna have to talk about that later.
Thorbjorn: The only things I can think of are the mushroom people and Cain, but he's not exactly innocent if the stories are true.
Anna: Cain? As in, the Bible, Cain?
Jean-Claude: Well, there goes that plan.
Orm: What, why?
Edward: "'If anyone kills Cain, he will suffer vengeance seven times over.' Then the Lord put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him." Genesis 4:15.
Thorbjorn: Seven times over? That doesn't sound good.
Orm: All that means is that whoever goes in is going to have to talk some sense into this Cain, and get him to come out. Failing that, subdue the dumb son of a bitch and force him out.
Edward: Not that simple. It's not just killing. Any injustice done to Cain will be done to his aggressor seven times over. And Cain will not listen to reason. Cain wants to die. The Lord's punishment was that Cain live forever, and suffer for his sin against his brother.
Reynaldo: Which, by the way, is a fucking slap on the wrist, as far as I'm concerned. Immortality as punishment? Fucking ridiculous.
Orm: Well, you all look like bright people. I'm sure you'll figure it all out.
Thorbjorn: Does this mean you're going into the dungeon?
Reynaldo (looks around): Yeah, I guess it does.
Orm: Excellent. I've set up a tent for you. You can rest there. Just let us know when you're ready to move and we'll show these giants what for.

End Chapter Twenty-Six
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